Sunday, 7 October 2012

Chapter 5 - Memories of a Teardrop

Okay so here is where this story truly starts. I read a lot of FFs on IF and even though this follows very closely to all of those themes I wanted it to be different in some other sense. So hopefully this plot ploy has not been employed in any of the other FFs and here ya go. I know it may look a bit ektaish in the beginning but I assure you it won't be like that ;). Erm so yeh enjoy it :). 





~

It has been said time heals all wounds, but I do not agree. The wounds remain; in time, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissues and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Kennedy
~


She snapped out of her thoughts suddenly, stifling down the tears that threatened to continue to flow. She moved the leaves away from her. She needed to stop this! She'd moved on remember? He'd told her to leave right? So why was he back? After so long what right did he have? Taking her finished mug of tea from the coffee table she walked back into her kitchen and opened the tap. She held her hands underneath the scorching hot liquid, letting it numb her skin then splashed it onto her face. She couldn't forget it, couldn't replace those horrible memories. What had happened, what she had been through, how everything had come crashing down and then continued until she had been pushed to the edge, until her feet were literally slipping off of a cliff and then all the effort. How hard she'd worked to forget her whole life, remove every trace of her past. She leaned against the sink, her knuckles standing against her skin as her grip on the cool steel tightened, she let her tears drip this time, let them take over completely. If she had learned one thing in life it was to always let herself cry because at least at the end of it she'd have let something out.

Meet him? No she couldn't, she couldn't forget the past and move on like that, meet him as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't taken her life and flipped it around completely. She hadn't realised up till now how naive she had been, how stupid to have let him play with her life like that. And then what she had lost because of him, because of fate, because of every godforsaken thing that she had let happen to her. Steadying herself against the sink she gulped down her tears then slammed the tap shut. She walked back into her room and reaching under the bed pulled out a box. Carefully pricing the lid open she took the little leather bound book from within it, she hadn't done this in ages but she had kept it, knowing at the back of her mind that memories were such that one day it would all come back and she would need to do this. Carefully flicking through the old pages she came to a blank sheet of paper, the journal half of the size of what it had been to begin with. Bringing out a black pen she began to write in it, pouring all that she could remember onto the thick white page, letting the ink sink in, her writing slanted and neat, like it always was when she wrote. She wrote quickly, wanting to desperately move on with her life.

****

Arnav sat back on the large couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table, lost in his own thoughts. It had been so many years and yet she didn't appear to have changed one bit. Her fear of him still scared him; she still saw him as the monster that he had been with her. He could see it clearly, her scars were still fresh, still only below the surface and maybe just maybe he was opening them. But now he wanted her back, no he needed her back god damn it! He needed her in his life, to guide him through things that she should be there with him through, that she should have always been there with him through if he had given her the chance. And he had wanted to, god knows he had wanted to but he hadn't been able to trace her, he had tried then finally given up, the pain too strong, the guilt too real and he had had to stop before he would have completely broken down because he didn't have that option anymore, she hadn't left him with that option.

He took out his wallet and looked at the two pictures in it, one old and frayed at the edges, the other new and bright, the similarities striking, the first of his life, the second of the person that kept him going, his strength, the one who had a hold over his every breath. His phone rang suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts and he answered immediately.

"Yes darling are you okay?" He questioned, his voice gentle, a tiny spark alighting his eyes then smiled fondly back at the reply. A rare smile, one that he only reserved for her. If only Khushi knew, if only he had had the courage to tell her there and then, but he hadn't and he still didn't but he would, because he had to for his sake, for her sake. And he would, tonight at eight he would tell her everything, because more than anything she deserved to know. A tear prickled his eye then, one he let shed for the unknown, for the possibility that she would find out and he would loose everything all over again, but in this retched game that fate had played with him she deserved happiness whilst he did not so he would tell her, once and for all.

Writing here
Cause there's nothing left here
For me to do
But please know that
I'm trying to make up for my mistakes
And you're moving on
With guilty memories
But I was wrong
To ever test us
This broken road is more than I can take

He hoped to god that she would come meet him tonight, let him tell her what he had to say.

****

Khushi carefully ripped out the page that she had written on, leaving behind only the tiniest little scraps of paper, the only evidence of the tear. She folded it up then tore it down the middle, slowly but perfectly she put the two pieces together then tore it down the middle again and again until the pieces were tiny then collecting them all in the palms of her hands she stood up and walked over to the bin and dropped them into the depths of it, letting another tear slither down her cheek. She wouldn't meet him tonight, she'd have to make sure that he never tried to meet her again and for that she had already made plans. Moving back the lace curtain she watched as a car pulled into a parking spot and then a few minutes later as another one left, she watched until the skies suddenly darkened and the clouds broke through for rain to fall down to the ground, as the children playing around retreated back into their houses. She put her fingers to the cool glass of the window and let them slide down with the slow drops of waters. She felt her hatred for him re-surface, all these years later he had returned once again not caring what that would do to her and that made her mind up for her. No she would not meet him again, she had been younger then, not so exposed to the harsher realities of life but he had taught her and she had learned the lessons the hard way. And once you learn your lesson you don't put yourself in that situation ever again. If he thought he could come back into her life again, he had another thing coming.

****

Arnav clicked the car door open and slowly walked over to the path between the grass that would lead him over the hill and into the center of the park, he'd booked the place for the day. It was still the same, very unlike him, unlike her who had both changed in many ways, who had grown, who had grieved, unlike them the park remained the same. It's greenery still vibrant, the small pond down below, encompassed within the large granite wall still fresh with tiny rippled running through it as the wind moved the water to it's liking, just the same as it had been all those years ago when he had first visited Aberdeen. He felt the soft drizzle on his hand then, the first of the drops of rain that he hoped would not continue for long. It was 7.55pm and he prayed that she would come to see him, that her heart had at least decided to give him one last chance to make things right again.

So this is the way that I'll tell you 
That I'll leave you alone if you want me to
But I've had enough of this life alone
I'll give it up this time I know
I don't deserve to tell you that I love you
There's nothing in this world I'd take above you
I'm dead inside 
Bring me back to life

He watched the twinkling lights on the trees, how they all surrounded round the square, dazzling and sparkling creating the opening in the middle and felt the seconds and minutes tick by. He brought the little box out of his pocket and looked at the ring encased in the middle of it, with a sparkling diamond crested in the middle then shutting it put it back in the pocket. He walked around, that dreading feeling only inches away from the surface as the soft spots of drizzle became bigger and began to pelt their way down, drowning the surroundings in a curtain of water as it fell down drenching him from head to toe as he stood in the middle of it all refusing to accept the fact that had been gnawing at his mind from the beginning, he stood letting the rain drown him in his own misery, let it hit against him and slide down his face.

I'm dead inside
Bring me back to life


~
The boy never loved again, and he never forgot what he’d learned that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed. – Cassandra Clare, The City of Bones
~




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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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