Monday, 14 May 2012

Chapter 4 - A Shower of Leaves & A Whole Lot of Nostalgia!

"They say you never know what you have till you've lost it". 

"Without you I'm not myself. I feel so lost"

"I miss my fighter. My shield against the rain!"

"One chance is all I ask for"

"This distance has been painful. Why does my heart yearn for you?"

"Come back to me. I promise to replace the old memories with ones new and true."

"Tonight at 8 - Duthie Park. I'll be waiting"

She couldn't believe her eyes. She blinked several times and began reading them again for the fifth time. Khushi even pinched herself. This had to be a dream! She could recognise Arnavs handwriting all too well even after such a long time but this - this could not be real!
After all these year she had relished in the feeling of uninhibited joy once again and more than anything she was not prepared to give that credit to Arnav. For one he didn't deserve it and secondly, she knew he couldn't have done this alone. "He probably got that Aman to tell him what to right" she muttered to herself bitterly.
He wasn't allowed to have filled her life with such misery and then expect her to crumble back to him. It wasn't fair!

"Well that was difficult," he thought to himself as he strolled back and forth through his room for the umpteenth time. Arnav had had to call Alisha, who had become a lot closer to him after Khushi had left, for help. He had been reluctant at first, but he desperately needed to save this relationship, even if it meant going back into the depths of his past and resurrecting the old Arnav.


"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up God damn it!" She screamed at the phone willing the person on the other end to pick up. "Hello, Aryan here. Not able to attend your call at the moment but leave a message and I'll get back to you." She had reached his answering phone for the 6th time. Khushi desperately needed someones help and after years of ignoring all of his attempts to help she finally caved in. "Aryan, it's Khushi here. Just call me back!"

"Khushi!?" Aryan stumbled towards the coffee table and grabbed the phone just on time. "Khushi? What's up?" No explanation needed. Right now she needed someone to support her side and she knew that Aryan would be the only person that would do that.

"Aryan, I'm sorry I'm being this abrupt but I need your help. I'm in Aberdeen."

"Okay whatever you need! Give me a day and I'll be there."

No explanations needed, no questions asked...

She needed to get herself together but she was allowed to reminisce in the good times. A time she would gladly go back to any day.

7 years ago...

In the sunny city of Glasgow, Scotland.

Living a Dream! 

First day of a new chapter!

Khushi was ecstatic and ready to embrace the world. Moving from India to pursue her studies in Britain was a decision made more in the pursuit of independence than anything. She was pampered way too much at home. Granted she didn't have her birth parents but her adoptive parents adored her with as much affection as she imagined her real parent would have. This journey, she hoped would change her life forever, for the better!

"Khushiiii!!!!" Alisha exclaimed as she practically pounced onto Khushi and squealed with delight. "Finally dude! Thought I would die out of awkwardness! No one is normal here man!" Khushi rolled her eyes. "God Alisha you will never change!" She exclaimed. "I just got here and you've already started going on about random people I don't even know yet," she said whilst smacking her friend on the shoulder lightly.
"Okay okay whatever tell me how your flight and all that was then. And how are you liking Glasgow? Fell in love with it's sunshine yet? Apparently we don't get it that much you know? Oh well might as well enjoy it whilst its here then right?" "Khushi! Are you listening to me!?"
"Yes hunny! I'm listening to you, did you even give me a chance to stick in a hmm with your continuous questions? Looks like someones already a bit too high! Have you had alcohol a bit too early missy?" She laughed.
"Shut up dude! I've just missed you so much!" Alisha exclaimed hugging Khushi once more.

Khushi and Alisha had went to school together, they had known each other ever since Khushi had moved in with Alisha's neighbours after the death of Khushis parents. It was together that they had put their application for university in and it was together that they had planned their "pursuit for change". Alisha had arrived in Glasgow a few days before Khushi as her accommodation registration had been booked for an earlier date. She had missed her friend dearly and Khushi could see that the few days of separation and not being able to communicate with each other had clearly affected Alisha. They spent about an hour or so catching up on things and planning the rest of their Freshers week and then began to make their way up to the lecture hall.

"Oh my ghosh Alisha! First lecture! First step in to our pursuit for change! Woohhooo!" She exclaimed.
"I know right? Who would have thought! I can see this going so well!"

"Khushi! Khushi!" Alisha exclaimed as she snapped Khushi out of the almost trance that she seemed to have gone into. Khushi on the other hand was stuck for words. He was here. She gaped at his handsome features with a feeling of utmost annoyance. "What the hell? Yeh yaha kya karraha hain?" She muttered under her breath. He was striding out of the lecture hall with a large group of people laughing and gesturing animatedly with his hands. She could not believe her eyes.

Arnav slowly turned his head around, mid-conversation, as he felt someones eyes on him and that's when his eyes met hers. His eyes immediately narrowed and then he raised his eyebrow and chuckled to himself. "Well well this will be a fun year!" He thought to himself as he winked and walked past her putting his mind back into the conversation that now seemed to have moved onto something else.

Khushis eyes almost shot out of her sockets as she stared at his winking face in shock and with that she looked away fuming with anger.

"Oh la la! Alisha chimed. "The hottest guy in this uni just winked at you! Is there something you are hiding from me KKG?" said Alisha inspecting Khushi from head to toe with narrowed eyes.

"The hottest guy in uni?" Khushi asked, curiousness now getting the better of her.

"Yeh and arrogant - Arnav Sign Raizada! He's like oh my ghosh urgh don't pretend like you don't know!" Alisha exclaimed, becoming even more impatient by the second. While Khushi just stared back at the entrance too confused for words, granted he was handsome but how the hell did Alisha know he was? And why the hell was he at the same uni as her?

P.S. the rest of it till the flash back ends will be continued in the Prequel Blog:
Living a Dream!
Till then enjoy the ride! xxx

Friday, 11 May 2012

Chapter 3 - Speckles of Rain

He felt her struggle under his gaze as her face once again clouded with the look of pain and helplessness. He let go off of her almost instantly. He didn't want to bring back those memories. He would prove to her that he was a changed man.

She stared at him once more, this time with rage and he was almost taken back. She didn't know what to do with herself. Why was she so confused?

"Why are you here Arnav? Why now?" she spat out. 
She saw him almost wince in pain. That had cut deep. But she did not deserve this. 

"But Khushi... Khushi. Just give me a chance." His words came out in almost a whisper.

"Give you a chance to do what Arnav? To take me back to that place? To open my wounds?" Words were now pouring out of her mouth. She was losing control. It was like a dam had been broken. She was on the verge of a breakdown. 

He felt the first spots of anger bubble up inside him but stopped himself. He had to control his temper, that would be the only way it would work. He only had one chance and loss of control could end up in him loosing everything.

"Let it all out Khushi. I know you've kept this pain inside for a long time. Let it all out Khushi I'm here to listen." His voice was a timid growl as he forced the words out.
She didn't know what to make of it. She wanted to accept this change, had felt it as soon as his hand had lightly been placed on her shoulder. He was definitely no longer the man she had left two years ago, was she seeing the return of the man she had fell in love with?

"You know what Arnav I have nothing to say to you! So please leave!" She almost screamed.

"Just let me explain Khushi" his eyes pleaded.

"Explain what Arnav? Is there anything left to explain?" She couldn't afford to back down. She was a changed, more independent person now. A person who was not allowed to let even the shadow of Arnav Singh Raizada back into her life.

"You don't understand Khushi, please don't be so harsh," his voice almost begged.

"Don't be harsh? Don't be harsh? Because you've obviously always been gentle with me!" That was it, she had lost the minute amount of patience she had left. How dare he do this to her. How dare he emotionally torment her again? Why was fate playing such an ugly game?

That had hurt. Her words cut right through him, creating a gash through his soul. He looked away in anguish and regret, his hands clenching up into fists. He knew what he had done but being reminded of it by her hurt more than he could explain. He didn't know what to say in his defence.

"I don't know what to make of this Arnav. I don't know what you want from me, but I've moved on now and I'd rather you didn't come back to look for me," she continued. It hurt her as much as it hurt him but she couldn't let this go on. She knew she would never have the guarantee that he wouldn't hurt her again and she wasn't prepared to make the same mistake twice. And with that she started to turn around and walk away.

He was quick to grab her back this time, twisting her arm and turning her around to face him again. She stared at him with defiance, she knew the ASR inside him always resurfaced and this time there wasn't even an inkling of surprise. He glared into the depths of her eyes, gritting his teeth and rapidly losing control.

"Khushi don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you," he growled his jaw tensing with every word.
She struggled to release his hold on her wrist, she was numb to the pain now, from months of being put through it, but it did not mean she would welcome it again.
"No how dare YOU talk to me like this? How dare YOU think you have any sort of right over me?" Have you forgotten who kicked me out?"
He had lost all sense of control. He needed to stop, he needed to calm down. What the hell was wrong with him?!
"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada! Don't you forget you are still legally my wife!" He screamed sending shock waves down her whole body and with that he pushed her out of his vice like hold. She had forgotten exactly how ferocious he could be and how timid it made her feel. And this time she didn't back down.

She had nothing more to say to him, he was writhing with anger and she didn't want to stand in front of the beastly ASR any longer and with that, throwing him an utter look of disgust she stomped away.

Arnav stood frozen, shame and regret taking over his whole being.

Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind

Why did he do this time and time again. He had willed himself to not lose control and the exact opposite had happened. Why could she not see how much he regretted the crimes he had committed. Did he not even deserve a chance to explain himself? To make it all right again?

Nobody knows
I hide it inside 
I keep on searching
But I can't find
The courage to show
To letting you know
I never felt so much love before

She stormed down the side walk, tears streaming down her face.

and once again 
I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out. 

She wanted to hear him out, give him another chance but would she able to take the pain again if he hurt her?

And the first speckles of rain fell on their faces as they looked up to the sky looking for a way to save a love too deep to leave behind...

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know 
If I let you go....

With that Arnav knew that he would get her back one way or the other. He would fight his own demons, go through hell but he would get her back!


Arnav knew Khushi liked the simple pleasures in life. And in order to impress her he would have to let go of the Arnav Singh Raizada within him and embrace the ideas of the Khushi Kumari Gupta he loved.  He began the process with a Bollywood film, for the first time in his life, attempting to cross boundaries and principles he'd instilled within his life.


The next morning Khushi opened her door to a pile of dried leaves.

"Urgh what kind of sick joke is this!? It's probably that stupid kid downstairs!" She cursed, her eyebrows arching down in annoyance.
She crouched down to discard them but on close inspection realised there was something written on every single one of the leaves- a smile slowly brightened her face. "What a lovely gesture, who would do such a lovely thing?" She thought to herself as she lifted each one up in turn, delicately, scared they would crumple on her palm. Her smile had reached her eyes and brought a glow to her otherwise gloomy flat as she walked back into her flat trying to make sense of what was happening.

Lyrics credit - If I Let You Go by Westlife

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Chapter 2 - A Starless Sky

"What the!?" "Did she just push me out of the way and run?" "How dare she?" Arnav gritted his teeth as anger erupted inside him. He clenched his fists and let the fire that exploded inside him consume his whole being. He wanted to grab each and every table and topple them over. Throw them into the middle and light them on fire. He glared at the chair she had been seated at a mere two seconds ago with a sheer look of hatred as he clenched his jaw.

That's when he saw her half finished mug of coffee. Her scarf still hanging off of the back of the chair. Her smell lingering all around him and a sudden calm took over. That's when he remembered her helpless face, how her eyes at first had shone with eagerness and anticipation and how abruptly they had darkened to immense fear. The helplessness that had slowly crept on to the contours of her face. He closed his eyes as regret crushed through his soul. This is what he evoked in her - fear!

Two years back...

Khushi was waiting for her husband to come back from work. Her wedding had been nowhere near perfect and she was never accepted as his wife. But after failed attempts and the knowledge that possibly nothing she did could make anything better she had decided to fulfill her duties of a wife. The mangalsutra around her neck and the sindoor that adorned her forehead had sealed her fate. She would from now on do everything she possibly could to follow the path that had been lain before her.

Arnav stormed into the house and stomped up the stairs, ignoring every face that turned towards him.

She was standing at the french doors looking up at the night sky - it was starless. She felt almost scared. The stars were always supposed to be there, shining and looking down on her.

He took three long strides towards her and grabbed her by the wrist, strong enough to crush bone. She winced in pain as he glared down at her. She struggled to break free when he grabbed her neck with his other hand and slammed her fragile body against the wardrobe door. She closed her eyes as tears sprung out of them.

A lone warm tear streamed down over his pronounced knuckles and he immediately let her go. Recoiling in horror at what he was doing, at what he was about to do. He witnessed her whole being tremble and averted his gaze in disgust at himself. Suddenly, Shyams mocking face appeared in his mind and he stalked out of the room disgusted at her.

Khushi slowly slid to the floor her palms covering her face as she let the tears flow. It wasn't the first time and she knew it would not be the last...

Back to the present...

Khushis hurried steps began to falter as she came to a slow but abrupt halt. She felt torn. She wanted to run back into his arms and let herself go. She wanted to forget the past and for once imagine the future she had always believed would come true. A whirlwind of emotions and memories overtook her and she stood rooted to the spot unable to move.

Arnav slowly took her soft scarf and folded it into his hand. He closed his eyes and shook with regret remembering what he had done to her, the pain he had put her through. And at that precise moment he knew he needed to change for the sake of the woman he loved the most and had hurt the most and the one he could not bare to lose again. His mind worked on auto-pilot as his steps traced back the way and he stepped out onto a now gloomy square.

His eyes searched for her among the faces rushing past the square and that's when he saw her. Standing with her back towards him, only a few steps away, almost rooted to the spot.

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you

 He started advancing towards her knowing that this may be his only chance, knowing deep inside that gaining her forgiveness would not be impossible.

I am lost, I am vain
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

He took slow, deliberate, desperate steps towards her.

She felt his presence almost immediately, she wanted to move but couldn't.

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you

He was now standing right behind her. She felt the weight of his hand as it rested on her shoulder, as his other hand slowly took her waste and turned her around to face him.

I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I,
Without you, without... You!

Their eyes met and held as she witnessed the pain and regret in his eyes and not for the first time in her life wanted to lose herself in him forever.

Lyrics credit Without you by David Guetta feat. Usher

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Chapter 1 - Ripples of sunlight

Chapter 1 - Ripples of sunlight

Khushi shot up awake. She had slept restlessly again, in fact she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good nights sleep. The clock had just struck 5.30am, there was no point in attempting to sleep for another hour. She knew sleep wouldn't come to her that quickly. It would probably take her another hour to actually get to sleep. 

She slowly stepped out of bed, looked at the little ripples of sunshine penetrating their way through the small opening in her curtains and it made her feel a little happy inside. Sunshine had always filled her with joy and although now it didn't have such a large impact on her it still improved her mood; even if it was just for a brief moment. 


Khushi slowly walked through Union Square, taking her time to look at the shop windows and doors clearly. Aberdeen was a dull city, it was expensive to live in and she knew no one there. She had first traveled to Aberdeen with Lavanya, on one of Lavanyas business meetings. It had been a sunny day and she had fell in love with the place immediately. It looked more like a village than a city and miles away from the noise of London she felt safe. After what had happened she had wanted to hide in the remotest corner of Earth where she would be able to create a haven for herself. The moment she had first set foot in the city she knew that it would be the place.

Having lived there for more than a year now she knew Aberdeen inside out. All of its little nooks and crannies. And even more than she had imagined, more than she had wanted - it reminded her of the one person she constantly desired to forget. The constantly changing weather, it's many different shades and the city's inability to change to anyones needs forever reminded her of Arnav Singh Raizada. Reinforcing over and over again that he would never be just a distant memory.

She desperately needed a new job. The old one just wasn't working. Khushi didn't want to continue doing odd jobs for the rest of her life. She wanted to continue the education that she had been forced to abandon half way and her current job just would not allow that. "It's just my luck" she muttered to herself desperation and disappointment clearly clouding her face. Usually there was an abundance of jobs and now that she wanted one - there weren't any. Typical. She continued to make her way through the shopping center not giving up. Khushi Kumari Gupta never gave up and she wasn't prepared to start. 


Three hours of job hunting and three job applications later Khushi was exhausted. All that walking and she had only managed to find three places with vacancies. "Oh well, better than nothing" she reassured herself and stepped into Starbucks. After all of that she deserved a treat. She took her steaming mug of coffee and sat at a table in one of the furthest corners of the cafe. Loneliness is felt the most in the midst of a crowd. Couples sitting together, sipping on their beverages and the hush of their innocent conversations evoked the greatest amount of sadness in her. Like every other girl she had had dreams of a colourful future filled with such meetings, of hushed conversations with the love of her life, long walks together under a shimmering moonlight. But it was never to be. Her eyes glazed over and her face twisted to one of pain hidden deep within as she gulped down the steaming hot liquid attempting with all her might to chase the thoughts out of her mind. 

She slowly began to look up as she felt her pulse quicken.


Arnav stepped into the warm comfort of the cafe. His face expressionless. He closed his eyes for a brief second and cursed inwardly at his stupid brother Aakash for once again sending him to this godforsaken city. Oil? He owned hotels, why would he want to expand into the oil industry? But his brother was adamant and he didn't have the heart to refuse again. 

He felt a sudden increase in his heart beat. He slowly opened his eyes. He was confused; this hadn't happened in a very long time. He knew only one person whose presence made him feel this way...

"Arnavji why is it that every time I come close to you my heart beats faster?"

She felt a bolt of lightning strike her heart as she saw the familiar definitions of a face she had tried on so many occasions to forget, gradually turn towards her. 

"When you are near me along with your heart beat my heart also beats faster. Our heart beats become one."

His eyes widened as there eyes met and held. He felt as if he had lost sensation in each and every limb of his body. He couldn't believe his eyes and yet she was sitting down right in front of him. Like an angel who had descended from the heavens. His limbs moved of their own accord as he felt himself loosing all sense of self control. 

She stared in shock unable to move a single muscle in her body as she witnessed him take slow deliberate steps towards her. 

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

All those past memories playing over and over in their minds. The pain searing through her whole body. She felt like a fire had ignited inside her and would burn her from the inside out. Deep down inside she had wished this would happen, that she would see him again one day. But then she had given up on that thought a while back and she had now moved on. Why now?

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

She wanted to run. Run away from this pain. Run away from the person who was now seconds away from reaching her. Khushi wanted to run away and hide. When she arrived in Aberdeen she had been broken, unable to look at anything with hope. That past kept on replaying over and over in her mind.

And who do you think you are
Running round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

She felt those dark, cold eyes upon her which she remembered now as only being incapable of love, poring into her soul. Her body shuddered with the memory of the last time she'd seen him and the coldness that had emanated from his soul.

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And before she knew it he was right in front of her. His face a mask of emotions. But she didn't have the strength to face him, she didn't have the strength to relive it. She pushed him out of the way and stumbled out of the cafe. This could not be happening to her. This was not supposed to happen....

Lyrics credit: Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri 



She looked up at the still sky of a wonderful summers day. The weather constantly reminding her of the cities changing mood. ten months of grey gloom and two months of blinding sunshine. Moving was stressful and staying away from family painful but for now this was the way her life was flowing, with subtle changes here and there but stable as it had ever been. She looked at the peaks of the mountains still with a glint of snow speckled on their curvy forms carrying the remainders of an uneventful winter. She was still finding herself attempting to find out what she really wanted from life. She tried to put the bitter and sweet memories of her past behind her but it was especially during times like this that they came back to torment her. Her eyes brimmed with a sorrow held deep within. She once again let only a single lone tear shed from her eyes in remembrance of a past that she knew she would never get back.

Suddenly the clear sky had changed into one of rapidly moving clouds, the gloom began to surround her. She retreated back into her flat. The skies were changing a storm was looming ahead and deep inside she felt the shadow of change.

Arnav boarded off of the flight and strode through the tunnel into the lounge. The summer he had expected to arrive to was nowhere to be seen. Rain was pelting down on the windows around him. "Just perfect for me" he thought to himself. Arnav Singh Raizada didn't give a damn about the weather never had, never would. That was her; the sunshine made her happy and shine, the rain brought out the child in her. A brief smile passed over his face as he remembered Khushi. With that his features abruptly darkened as he was reminded of a past he could not change and a future which held only darkness. He could feel a small seed of hope planting itself in his mind and then attempted to dismiss it. Arnav Singh Raizada never let his heart control him and he would make sure it wouldn't in the future either. It was his game and he never changed the rules.

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I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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Got four fanfic on the go plus the random OS's that I'll be writing. So check em out too!