Friday, 1 February 2013

Chapter 14 - I Will Come For You

I will come for you. Roll my strength into a ball for you. Throw myself across chance for you. I will be the bridge or the pulley because you are the dream.
- Jeanette Winterson, The World and Other Places

She managed to awaken herself from that lost state where her coherent thoughts where lost in a heap somewhere. She looked up towards him, his frozen features and felt herself losing all sense of control.

"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada you are under arrest on the charges of accessory to kidnap of Arshia Singh Raizada," the officers words rang through her mind and she began to furiously shake her head, tears flowing out of her eyes.

She tried to break away from the police officers grasp, she grabbed his arm, shaking it as she screamed, "no! NO! Arnav you know this isn't true! You know I would never! I didn't even know that she was alive!" But he would not move, he seemed frozen to the spot, his eyes distant. "Please!" She begged the woman that was now sending handcuffs around her wrists, "please she's my child why would I do that to my child?" She reasoned but to no avail. They dragged her out of the doorway as she continued to look back at him but to garner no response from his stone set eyes.

"Chotey! Chotey!" Anjali screamed just then running towards him with Arshia in her arms. "Chotey!" She tried again but he didn't seem to be capable of moving, she heard an engine roar to life, muffled screams and her eyes widened in horror. Where was Khushi?

"Chotey!" She screamed again, quickly moving towards him and shaking him by the shoulder but she couldn't snap him out of his state.

His heart was pounding away in his chest, a face, words, visions, the past, all flashing through his mind in riveting snippets. He seemed lost somewhere, falling through an expanse of memories and nightmares that he didn't know how to escape from. He couldn't bring his limbs to move.

Mamma! Mamma! Please!

He remembered screams, a lifeless body, his short comings.

Khushi! Khushi!

Then Khushi, her body limp on the floor.

He stilled suddenly, feeling this strange feeling of warmth seep through his fingers, breaking him out of his torturous memories.

"Pappa," he heard the gentle words as if it was a softly whispered kiss. He felt blood rush back into his veins then felt his body going cold once again as dread filled him completely. It was as if he had been sucked into a black hole then churned back out again. His throat felt parched, dry and he was sure he was suffocating from the inside. "Khushi..." It was an uttered whisper as the events of the present finally came back to him.

"Chotey!" Anjali shook him again, her brows furrowed in anger but to no avail. Fear engulfed him completely as he strode out as if in a daze then broke into a run.


"No please, I didn't, I wouldn't!" She exclaimed as the woman pulled her further into the twisted confines of the jail. "How can you say this, you have no evidence!" Khushi screamed, her sobs had subsided to fury. Rage scorched through every vein in her body. Why did her fate do this to her time and time again, just when she had decided on giving in and letting go of the past, of forgiving him it had spat this on her face.

She attempted to claw herself away from the woman, her wrists struggling and cutting off of the ragged cold edges of the cuffs but she did not feel the pain, only anger and hatred. She hated him! Hated him for doing this to her, for making her believe then throwing her on the ground and walking all over her. She hated herself for being putty in his hands, like a mindless puppet that fell for him everytime. She'd make her heart agree to her thoughts then fail all over again. She should have taken Arshia and left.

She couldn't get it out of her mind, his betrayal to the love that she always offered his way. She couldn't forget it, his cold gaze, his frozen features, how he refused to respond to her cries, how he had ignored her as she begged him to listen to him.

Angry tears spurted out of her blood red eyes as she struggled.

"If you know any better you would stop this and listen to what we are saying," the woman threatened as Khushi stopped for a second and stared at her with wide eyes, undiluted fury pouring out of every pore in her body.

"How dare you accuse me of having a hand in kidnapping my own daughter?!" She screamed then, refusing to let her be pulled an inch from where she was standing.

"Mrs Raizada!" The police officer warned, "if you don't abide to the rules you will be in even bigger a mess than you already are, disgusting women like you don't even deserve to have children!" She remarked, mocking her furthermore.

"Excuse me?! How dare you? Firstly it's MISS Gupta and secondly I have not done any such thing! You keep your mouth shut before I sue you for inappropriate behaviour!" She exclaimed, her eyes level with the womans, refusing to back down.

She lunged forward suddenly, grabbing Khushi by the neck, her nails digging into her soft flesh as Khushi winced back in pain yet refused to lower her gaze, seething with anger.

She thrust her back suddenly, causing Khushi to fumble against her steps before she regained her balance and took a threatening step towards the hideous woman. She was going to end this here, she'd had enough of being bullied around and being taken for emotional rides and this police woman had caught her at the wrong time. Her nostrils flared with anger, her hair in a messy array around her face.

Another woman grabbed her from behind then, grasping her arms in a tight, painful grip, restraining her back as the other woman took a step towards her, raising her arm, her hand ready to land upon Khushi's face with a smack when a large masculine hand suddenly stopped it mid-air.

Khushi's chest heaved as adrenaline pumped through her veins and she scrunched her eyes shut, turning her face to the side reflexively awaiting the blow. She waited for what felt like hours, her whole body numb.

The woman's eyes clashed with his blazing caramel orbs, alight with fury that seemed to radiate from every inch of him, the muscles of his face trembling, his nostrils flaring, his jaw set in anger. His grasp tightened around her arm, enough to break bone as he flung it away from Khushi. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut in before her.

"HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR HAND ON MY WIFE?!" He exclaimed even causing the woman to take a few steps back.

She heard him almost as if he was speaking from a far away place as she began to open her eyes slowly, quickly feeling the strong hold on her arms loosen.

"Aparna! Unlock her handcuffs she's been granted bail!" The chief in charge walked over just then, immediately attempting to ease away the commotion.

Aparna watched him incredulously for a moment, "but sir, she threatened me," she tried to cut in.

"Aparna just do as I say," he stated calmly, his decision final. Aparna's eyes flickered between the furious man with the chiselled handsome features that had entered and threatened her further and the adamant woman that had been ready to fight tooth and nail till she was released. Fuming she slowly walked over, taking the large key-ring from around her waist.

Khushi felt her heart stop, stutter and start back up for a second as her gaze fell upon his furious face. He was looking away from her, his caramel orbs rusted with anger, even sending a chill down her own spine. She'd almost forgotten that there was this side to him, she'd almost forgotten the destroying raw anger he was capable of but she couldn't stop the words that rang through her ears.

How dare you raise your hand on my wife?

She didn't know what to do at that moment, she was so sure she hated him and maybe she did, for sending her on a rollercoaster of emotions then breaking them apart and making her rearrange her thoughts. She hated him. She didn't know whether to cry or to laugh, she felt weak suddenly, as if her body would give way.

"Mr Raizada obviously your wife has been granted bail but the case is still being dealt with and this I'm afraid will not be the end of it," the officer in charge explained to Arnav as he nodded back in return. His gaze was still fixed on Aparna, causing her to crouch away from his steely gaze. He had to use every brink of control that he could afford to prevent himself from lashing out at the woman for laying so much as a finger on his Khushi. The tortured thoughts of what could have happened if he hadn't broken out of his reverie and gotten here began to fill him with guilt all over again.

Khushi gulped several times, attempting to keep her angry, hurt tears at bay as she rubbed at the marks and tears the handcuffs had created. Her normally porcelain like skin was tinged with blue and purple in places, dark red in others, all adorned with ragged cuts that stung.

His gaze fell to her haggard face, her cheeks stained with tears and then her hands as she rubbed at her wrists and what he saw caused him to wince in pain. This was all his fault, everything, she was hurting because of him. He didn't deserve her, didn't deserve the perfect family that he desired because a person that let the woman he loved be hurt like that was not a person that deserved love.

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah how long must you wait for him?
Yeah, how long must you pay for him?
Yeah, how long must you wait for him?

Throwing one last glance at Aparna and shaking the chief's hand he slowly paced over and stood next to Khushi, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He kept his tortured gaze away from her, for if he did attempt another look his control may have snapped. "Shall we leave?"

Her head snapped up towards him as she appraised the agony that seemed to be etched over his face. Why was he sending her on a cascade of emotions? She noticed that it was neither a command nor a threatening question but a gently laid out request. She couldn't grasp how to react in front of this changed man.


She smiled down at her little girl as Arshia took a rattle, studied the vibrant streaks of colours on it then flung it to a far corner of her room. A slow smile spread on Khushi's face, her every worry subsiding even for a second as Arshia clapped her hands together in glee, clearly proud of her efforts and commenced on digging out a new toy from the bag in front of her.

She was lost in a haze of thoughts and every time she even got remotely close to thinking about them bile would rise up her throat. She could feel the weakness, the fear, the impending doom in every bone of her body. She didn't know where this was heading but she knew that the storm had only started, that this would continue until one of them was sacrificed.

She soothed the base of her neck, swallowing hard, she needed strength, needed a lifeline. She needed to speak to someone, to lay her emotions and fears bare. She could feel herself suffocating, her thoughts scattering and fighting off of each other in her own mind. And not for the first time she felt all alone again, she saw herself at the beginning of her journey after she'd thought she'd lost Arshia.

She could see herself now, with her suitcase in hand, shivering as she stood behind Lavanya unlocking the door to her apartment. She rolled time forward in her mind; cold dark grey streets lined with grey buildings, the feel of rain as large drops splattered on her skin. She remembered the sting of the cold wind, her cheeks red, the shivers that ran down her. She remembered discovering herself all over again in Aberdeen, learning to live with the broken pieces.

She was back there again, in a place where there was no one to call her own.

She didn't want to trust him, to have faith in him only to watch it crumble down again. She shut her eyes, attempting to drown out his voice that still continued to reverberate within her ears. She didn't want to let him in only for him to shut her out again. She'd probably forgiven him but she wasn't sure if she would ever have the strength to give him a second chance.

He stood at the doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the doorframe. A thousand thoughts clashed against one another in his mind, each one contradicting the next. He didn't know how long he'd been there for, when he'd first stopped at the doorway, to be drawn into what lay before him now. This was his bubble, this was what he had vowed to protect and he wanted to. He wanted to fight for her, to face whatever may come their way with her. But he could see the void becoming bigger, the spaces stretching at their seams. He hadn't reacted on time and she'd misunderstood him once again, she'd thought he hadn't trusted her.

But if he was being honest with himself he didn't care for her future decisions anymore. If she stayed or if she left, whether she would take Arshia with her or not was insignificant, he finally decided. What mattered to him now was their happiness, what mattered was that he pay for his mistakes and if the price he'd have to pay for that was that of losing her, then be it. Sighing loudly he finally walked in.

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and unprepared
But I wait for you

If you go, if you go
Leaving me down here on my own
Well I wait for you

She turned around slowly on hearing his footsteps, too scared that her erratic heartbeats would give away the feelings that she nurtured only in the deep depths of her heart.

He sat himself down, keeping his distance, ruffling Arshia's hair before he smiled down at her. Taking a deep breath in, he finally gathered the strength to look at Khushi, his eyes clashing with hers instantly.

She looked away quickly, breaking eye contact. She just wanted to leave.

He noticed that, the reluctance, the hurt in her eyes, in her actions and it pained him. It hurt him to see the distance that only grew, the words that seized to flow between them. "Look Khushi," he finally began.

"I can solve this on my own," she cut him off, her words were harsh but there was a numb edge to her voice. She clutched the sheet in her hands as she willed the strength to argue with him within her.

"You can't, Khushi," he gulped attempting to get his words out right, "I mean..."

"There is nothing that I want from you Arnav. This is my battle and I will fight it!" She finally stated, her anger getting the better of her as she turned back around to look at him directly.

He moved forward then, grabbing her wrist in his hand and she winched in pain, attempting to yank it away.

He scrunched his eyes shut for a second, his grasp on her loosening instantly, then clenching his fists at his sides stood up and faced away from her. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, not sure he could look back at her.

She watched him for a second, completely dumbfounded, she didn't understand him anymore.

"I... I just want to help," he began again, his otherwise strong voice broken in places.

"Well I don't need it," she cut him off icily, she didn't want to make herself vulnerable again.

Taking a deep breath in and bracing himself he turned around and walked back towards her, this time sitting himself down right next to her. She moved back a little, taken aback by this sudden gesture of his. He appraised her features carefully for a second before beginning, gulping back his every fear in order to just put his thoughts forward this time.

"Arnav I don't need your help," she cut him off suddenly as he opened his mouth to speak. His words would only make her weak.

He reached out slowly this time, his eyes holding her relenting gaze as he slowly intertwined his fingers through hers. Her eyes widened as she tried to break away from his hold, shocked at the sheer gentleness of it. He moved closer till she had to move back in order to keep the distance, he moved their hands, still encased in his hold towards him as she continued to stare at him completely take aback.

"Khushi," his soft husky voice, the tenderness with which he held her hand, she couldn't take it, she looked away.

"Khushi, I know you don't want to trust me, I know I've hurt you and I know that this is all my fault," she looked back towards him then, his words taking her by surprise, tears involuntarily gathering at the edges of her eyes.

He looked away, unable to hold her gaze, his guilt taking over, "but I want a chance to pay back for my mistakes, I want to make this wrong of mines right. Khushi, this has to do with Shyam, I know he's in jail but he's got his ways and you can't overcome that on your own," he finally looked back towards her. "I pushed you into this mess, so you have to let me fix it."

The sincerity in his eyes, the calm manner in which he had uttered each and every word left her speechless, she didn't know how to reply. But she could feel it again, she was giving him an advantage, she was letting him play with her again. She shook her head slowly, as if she was willing her own self to say no.

His grasp on her hand tightened then, willing her to look up at him. "Please Khushi," his voice was a pleading whisper and she could feel her heart melt in her chest, bit by bit. "Please Khushi just give me a chance to fix this, just trust me this once and I promise to not let you down."

She took a deep breath in trying to calm her frantic heart beats, "please Arnav don't push me," she mumbled, she didn't have the strength to shout at him.

He pulled on her hand again, making her look up at him, his caramel orbs scorching into the depths of her, "I will push you, because you can't do this alone," this time it was a statement, he was quickly losing his patience.

She pulled her hand away from him, growling back, "just leave me alone Arnav! I can and I will! I've lived for so many years without you! I can live the rest just fine!" She exclaimed then stood up and walked away. He walked after her, catching up with her quickly then spun her around. His fingers tightened on her elbow as he sent it to her back then brought her closer to him.

"Why don't you understand? Why can't you see that all of this is bigger than your stubbornness?!" He shouted through gritted teeth as she stared at him with wide eyes. This is why she refused to give him a chance, because she didn't know him, couldn't understand the varying changes to him.

"Let go of me Arnav!" She tried to break away from him, "you can't fix things! You will never be a person that can fix things! You only know how to break! And I'm not willing to make that same mistake again!" She screamed back at him struggling against his grip when he suddenly let go.

The sting of her words burned through his every vein, bringing with it a new kind of numbing pain. She brought her arm forward, rubbing at her elbow, just needing him to leave. She opened her mouth to say more, he was driving her crazy, his varying emotions were taking a toll on her already fragile state of mind. But before she could say anymore he had already begun to walk out, his shoulders hunched, his gaze distant and she tried to remember all that she had said, her words coming back to her in waves of guilt.

He sauntered away, not even sure of where he was going. The damage he had made to their relationship was beyond repair, she only saw him as a person that could break, she would never seem him as a person that could mend.

He wanted to hurt himself at that moment, to give back to himself every little pain that he had inflicted upon her. He stormed into his room, then grabbing a vase aimed it at the floor, his fingers tightened on the neck of it as he froze.

You will never be a person that can fix things!

You only know how to break!

Her words echoed through his mind once more and he slowly uncurled his fingers, letting the small vase slide over them, then fall to the ground with a muffled thump. His knees gave way beneath him as he fell to the floor. He leaned his back against the bed as he finally brought his hands to his face. He was sick of trying to convince her, he was sick of a past he could not change and a future that offered no chances.

She walked up to his room slowly, her every word playing over and over again on her mind. She hadn't meant any of that, she didn't think that he was only capable of breaking, it had just come out, she had been angry, he had pushed her. She could sense him giving up, his strength breaking every time she fought against him. And somewhere in the edge of her heart she didn't want him to give up, she didn't want him to give up on her, on Arshia. Somewhere deep inside she wanted him to win her over.

She stopped suddenly at his doorway, completely taken aback by the sight in front of her, it was almost as if she was frozen to the spot. She couldn't hold it in her any longer, she couldn't cope with seeing him like this. It occurred to her then that all she wanted, just like him, was their old life back, that all she wanted was him. She broke into a run, stopping mere centimeters before him before she too fell to the ground. She watched him for a few seconds, his unmoving limbs as he sat with his face buried  in his hands, as if he carried the whole worlds weight on his shoulders.

She finally forced her dry throat to react as she spoke, "I want you to help me Arnav," she finally mumbled as she quickly lifted his head up to look at her, his eyes raw and red, scorching caramel orbs clashing against glazed puddles of hazel.

In my place, in my place
Where lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah

I loved him in a way that you can only really do the first time round. It's the kind of love that doesn't know better and doesn't want to - it's dizzy and foolish and fierce. That kind of love is really a one-time only thing. 
- Jenny Han, Always Have Summer

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I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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Got four fanfic on the go plus the random OS's that I'll be writing. So check em out too!