tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33223617823249667772024-03-05T03:48:56.420-08:00When Truth PrevailsBeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-28451136202927551322016-06-02T15:49:00.000-07:002016-06-02T15:49:07.942-07:00Chapter 21 - The Beginning of Something New<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw7ByUT7Sa_-me7uZrCOXjRum9vx-Da4maFrB2lgbFGtwuvCuA6IobtdyRG4hbUZWnVEaG8sknWKijOQegHiGiY_IVkfhs4SkiBspPKZ7NWyesP7w6gNoK7RirEGahyphenhyphenGJViSezf6LR86w/s1600/The+Bird+With+Wings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw7ByUT7Sa_-me7uZrCOXjRum9vx-Da4maFrB2lgbFGtwuvCuA6IobtdyRG4hbUZWnVEaG8sknWKijOQegHiGiY_IVkfhs4SkiBspPKZ7NWyesP7w6gNoK7RirEGahyphenhyphenGJViSezf6LR86w/s320/The+Bird+With+Wings.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>I remember it, </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>precisely and perfectly, </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>the birth of this love.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>- Tyler Knott Gregson</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Khushi slowly covered Arshia with a blanket, just as she heard Arnav come out of the bathroom, she held onto the edge of the cot for a second or so, deliberating through her thoughts once more. She wanted to, no needed to tell Arnav about what she'd thought she'd heard earlier. Too many secrets had been what had lead to this whole mess. They had nothing more to lose now, she might as well tell him.<br />
<br />
She stilled for a fraction of a second as his arms suddenly went around her waist and she was sure she held her breath for a few minutes as she felt his breath, his body against hers.<br />
<br />
"Hi," he whispered, and she had to close her eyes as she savoured his husky voice, the feel of him against her and the flutter of her heartbeat as it took off once more in it's erratic beat. She had to gulp to reawaken her voice.<br />
<br />
"Hey," she whispered back as he kissed her cheek, his lips slow and purposeful against her skin.<br />
<br />
Khushi felt herself floating through a space and time she did not want to come out of, all of her thoughts and worries dissipating. She was losing her coherent thoughts, her mind travelling back to the time when she'd been 18, when he'd held her in the same way.<br />
<br />
She turned around slowly, blazing hazel orbs clashing against molten caramel spheres, she let her hands run over the contours of his face, as his curious gaze followed. She let her hand waver over his eyes before she closed them, savouring the innocence in his face before she let her lips fall upon his, taking them in slowly, letting his fingers grapple at her waist as her own fingers tangled through his hair. She could feel his equally reckless heartbeat knock off against hers, feel him losing himself in her embrace.<br />
<br />
Her phone rang suddenly, startling them both and it ended as soon as it had begun. His smouldering eyes suddenly appeared panicked as his hands quickly left her. She almost banged into the cot as she ran towards her phone, almost as if they'd been caught doing something they weren't supposed to.<br />
<br />
<i>These streets </i><br />
<i>Turn me inside out </i><br />
<i>Everything shines</i><br />
<i>But leaves me empty still</i><br />
<i>And I'll, burn this lonely house down </i><br />
<i>If you run with me</i><br />
<i>If you run with me </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do </i><br />
<i>Take my hand now </i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you</i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
"Hey," her voice still sounded rattled as she picked up the known number.<br />
<br />
"Hey you okay?" Aryan questioned back, sensing the sudden panic in her voice.<br />
<br />
"Yeh yeh... I'm fine," she answered quickly, watching Arnav from the corner of her eyes as he leaned over and stroked Arshia's hair, then bent down and placed a gentle kiss upon her forehead.<br />
<br />
"I'm more than fine," she smiled.<br />
<br />
"Okay good, I've got a task for you," Aryan replied, already flicking through to the pages he required. "You know that doctor that you guys mentioned," he began.<br />
<br />
"Dr Das?" She questioned, her coherent thoughts returning to her suddenly as Arnav came and sat next to her, a similar concern on his face. <br />
<br />
"Yes that's the bastard! Well I have a task for you and Arnav because unfortunately I am not able to track this vile creature down," he complained in his usual dramatic flair.<br />
<br />
Khushi rolled her eyes, almost unable to hide her amusement at Aryan's drama.<br />
<br />
Arnav placed his hand upon hers, causing her to look towards him, their gazes meeting and holding as he lifted an eyebrow, portraying his concern.<br />
<br />
She shook her head slowly, listening to see if Aryan had anything further to add. She felt his warmth seep through her as he squeezed her hand. And in that moment she knew more than anything that she needed to tell him. She needed to tell him about Anjali.<br />
<br />
<i>Fooled by my own desires</i><br />
<i>I twist my fate</i><br />
<i>Just to feel you </i><br />
<i>But you, turn me toward the light </i><br />
<i>And you're one with me</i><br />
<i>Will you run with me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
****<br />
<br />
Shyam sat back on his small bed, it creaked underneath him as he shifted his position. Sure it was an upgrade up from his nasty prison cell but it definitely wasn't what he was used to, what he wanted from his life. He had had so many aspirations, he could've gotten so much more if it hadn't been for that idiot Arnav.<br />
<br />
He had already partly exerted his revenge on Khushi, he had broken her down for her refusal but Arnav, Arnav still had to pay. And pay he would, for taking everything away from him. Shyam sat up abruptly, his bloodshot eyes taking in the board in front of him, taking in all of the pictures and arrows and in the middle of it all, Arnav Singh Raizada.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Anjali sat on her bed, her arms around her son as she looked at the pictures in her hands.<br />
<br />
And suddenly she couldn't prevent her memories from assaulting her, memories she hadn't quite remembered so vividly in such a long time. They were of her mother, her father in another woman's arms, of her brother, his blank expression, a boy who had had to grow up too fast. She trembled as she tried to prevent the tears from streaking down her face. Her brother had always been there for her, Arnav had taken that responsibility, first for her and her mother and then for her alone, he had taken his life and placed her in the centre of it, shut off his love, his life behind the promise he had made to keep her safe. And she'd simply watched, silently as he'd ruined himself, stripped himself off everything including Khushi. She'd watched the silent storm raging through his eyes that always gave him away and she hadn't been able to do anything.<br />
<br />
But this time it would be different, this time she would save her brother, even if it took everything she had.<br />
<br />
She looked at the pictures in her hands, the board, the pictures, the arrows and in the middle of it all her brother. She knew what kind of man Shyam was, it had taken her a long time but she had finally figured him out, but this time he'd have to step up his game, because it wasn't every day that Anjali Singh Raizada played dirty.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do</i><br />
<i>Take my hand now</i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you </i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<br />
Khushi guided Arnav's head onto her lap, his eyes closing as she trailed her fingers through his hair. She tried to keep her nervousness at bay, tried to ease her rapid heartbeat as she thought of the best way to initiate this conversation. After all they'd only just started getting back to normal and she didn't want to jeopardize it all again. They'd only began to trust each other again, she didn't want to break his trust.<br />
<br />
She felt his fingers run through hers all of a sudden, causing her fingers to still, her breath hitch in her throat. He sat up suddenly, molten caramel spheres against dazzling hazel. She moved into his touch as he moved back a stray strand of hair and placed his hand on her face.<br />
<br />
"What's wrong?" The concern in his eyes was clear and she wondered for the hundredth time where this Arnav had gone all those years ago, she wondered what had shut him out behind the man that had hurt her. And she was scared to awaken him again, she could not calm the storm raging through her heart.<br />
<br />
He moved in closer, cradling her face in his hand, "Khushi, kya hua?" He asked once more, he'd always been able to read her and he hated himself for closing that Arnav off. None of this would have happened if he'd just trusted her.<br />
<br />
"Arnav," she let their gazes meet once more, let herself drown in his melting chocolate orbs. Taking a deep breath in she began, "Arnav I need to tell you something about Di."<br />
<br />
<i>Now come in from this storm </i><br />
<i>I taste you sweet and warm </i><br />
<i>Take what you need</i><br />
<i>Take what you need</i><br />
<i>From me</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Wake up this world </i><br />
<i>Wake up tonight </i><br />
<i>And run with me </i><br />
<i>Run to me now </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do</i><br />
<i>Take my hand now </i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you </i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you </i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>The wounds have changed me,</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>I am soft with scars.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>My skin</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>breathes and beats stars.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>- Nayyirah Waheed</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-82381157542620212262016-03-03T16:54:00.000-08:002016-03-03T16:54:28.916-08:00Chapter 20 - In This Moment it's Just Us<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b> ~</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>I want to be with you, </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>it is as simple, </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>and as complicated as that.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>- Charles Bukowski </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He scrunched his eyes as the dazzling rays of the sun played on his face. She watched his serene face, a small smile on her lips as he moved his hand over his face to shield himself from the beautiful assault. She could watch him forever, the childlike innocence to his face that she rarely got to see, that she hadn't seen in years. Khushi felt light, free, as if all of her worries has been lifted and she could float like the clouds that the sky was so devoid of today. Her gaze moved over to her little girl, her most important possession as she slept serenely in her cot, undisturbed by the harsh realities of the world and Khushi sent a little prayer out that Arshia's life should forever remain that way. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Khushi watched silently as he finally stirred, scrunching his eyes several times before his arm fell onto her side, as his hands began to search for her in the break of sleep. She decided to walk over and sit down on her side of the bed, let his fingers meet hers before his eyes finally opened. And that's all it took, a single gaze, glimmering hazel against molten soft caramel. She watched as a side of his mouth lifted, in that way that made her heart skip several beats. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Hi," she whispered slowly, as his fingers gripped hers tighter. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Hi," he whispered back, his husky voice playing with her every sense. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Good afternoon," she smiled. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
His eyes widened before he almost leapt out of bed, "what?! Oh my god! How did I manage to sleep in so late?" He questioned, looking at the clock. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"I may have turned your alarm off," she smiled a small smile, still not quite sure of his reaction, a small corner of her heart still afraid of a sudden outburst. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He watched her carefully, the small worry in her large hazel eyes and the smile that did not quite meet them. He'd always been able to read her so well why hadn't he opened his eyes earlier? He's have saved them all of these years of heartbreak.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Thanks," he smiled as he walked over to grab his towel, "I really needed that," he chuckled before walking into the bathroom. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
She sat there for a little while, aware of the speed of her heart beat, the flush of her cheeks as she breathed a sigh of relief. It had been years since she'd last felt this way.<br />
<br />
<i>In the morning when you wake up </i><br />
<i>I like to believe you are thinking of me</i><br />
<i>And when the sun comes through your window</i><br />
<i>I like to believe you've been dreaming of me</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I know </i><br />
<i>cause I'd spend half this morning </i><br />
<i>Thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>When I saw you, </i><br />
<i>Everyone knew </i><br />
<i>I liked the effect that you had on my eyes</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But no one else heard</i><br />
<i>The weight of your words</i><br />
<i>Or felt the effect that they have on my mind</i><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
****</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"I need to speak to Dr Mehta," Aryan waited patiently on the phone, he'd been trying to get a hold of this doctor that seemed to have disappeared into thin air for the last half an hour.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anjali walked over to Aryan, as he sat with his phone almost plastered to his face, clearly not pleased at something. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"I thought you could do with some coffee," she smiled before placing the large mug on the table next to him. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"That's actually perfect!" He grinned, I could do with a pitcher of coffee but I guess a mug will do for now," he joked as she broke into a laugh. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He liked the way she looked when she laughed, with her head back, her eyes scrunched up, like a small child. There was a part of Aryan that wanted to dislike Anjali. After all this whole house had had a part in breaking apart his best friend but he couldn't bring himself to. Anjali was finally a woman that fascinated him, he'd had his fair share of girlfriends, one that he had almost married but no one had interested him as much as Anjali did. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"I could bring you over a pitcher if you really need one," she smiled.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"No no it's fine just keep the mugs coming, that way I get to see more of you," Aryan smiled back. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anjali blushed a bright shade of pink, not quite sure how to reply just as she heard Arnav clear his throat in the background and she was glad for the interruption. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Arnav had been observing their unusual camaraderie for quite some time. He'd always been protective of Anjali, and ever since Shyam he was even more vary.<br />
<br />
"What's up chotey," Anjali questioned, her eyes inquisitive as she approached him.<br />
<br />
He watched her face intently, trying to make sense of whatever it was that was happening between his Di and Aryan before replying, "nothing Di, I'm just going to head out, I've increased the security outside the house but just keep an eye out," he reassured her before walking out.<br />
<br />
****<br />
Anjali didn't have to think twice before picking up the unknown number that was ringing her. She walked into her room, making sure that there was no one in ear shot.<br />
<br />
"I'm sure I told you not to phone me whilst I'm at home," she spoke sort of in a whisper as the man on the other ends lips curved up into a smile.<br />
<br />
"Rani Sahiba you know I can't survive without listening to your sweet voice," his lies made her blood boil but taking a deep breath she continued. After all you always knew the risks when you decided to play with fire.<br />
<br />
"Just get to the point Shyam," Anjali spoke through gritted teeth.<br />
<br />
"Fine I need you to lure out Khushi," Shyam's face changed quickly, into a menacing grimace, not wanting to give away much to Anjali. He didn't trust her just yet.<br />
<br />
"I'm still working on it," she replied cryptically, not wanting to give anything away to anyone.<br />
<br />
"Well hurry up," he snarled before cutting the phone call.<br />
<br />
It took Anjali a few more minutes before her breathing returned to normal and rapid beating of her heart calmed down.<br />
<br />
Khushi stood stock still for a few seconds, not quite sure what she had eavesdropped on, if she'd even heard the name correctly. Hearing fast approaching footsteps she hurriedly walked away.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi sat on the edge of the bed, their bed as she let her eyes wander around their room, a room which had pretty much remained undisturbed in all these years. There were still little glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, where she'd stuck them all those years ago in a last ditch attempt to make a home out of the place. Some of the clothes she'd left behind like the sari she'd worn the night before she'd left still remained neatly folded in the wardrobe. She walked over slowly to her bag, still in two minds over whether she should unpack. They seemed to have crossed a bridge of sorts and a large amount of normalcy had returned almost over night.<br />
<br />
She'd woken up in the morning gasping for air, the blur of her memories playing out in her mind. She'd looked around the room, the cot in the corner with Arshia sound asleep, the pool area so devoid of his plants and yet still had not been able to prevent the fear of history repeating itself creeping up on her. She'd tried to move out of the bed, do anything to reassure herself that he wouldn't ask her to leave all over again when the weight of a warm arm had weighed her down. His words had played back in her mind then, and the innocence that overtook his face when he slept had prevented her from breaking down all over again.<br />
<br />
"Hey baby," she smiled just then as she felt small arms go around her leg, bending down to pick up her beautiful angel. Her long curls framed her face as Arshia smiled back at her, clapping her small hands in glee.<br />
<br />
"Do you wanna help Mamma unpack?" She cooed kissing her soft cheeks as Arshia giggled in return.<br />
<br />
Arnav paused at the door, a smile already creeping upon his lips. He felt he could watch them forever and never tire of it.<br />
<br />
"Should Mamma unpack?" Khushi giggled back with her little girl as she tickled Arshia.<br />
<br />
"Mamma should definitely unpack," she paused for a second, she'd never been able to resist that husky voice of his, especially now that she knew that he had always loved her.<br />
<br />
She let her eyes lift up to his face as he walked to stand in front of her, sparkling hazel against molten caramel orbs.<br />
<br />
"Are you sure?" He could still see the fear that rested in a corner of her heart, a part of the Khushi that he'd torn apart.<br />
<br />
He let their gazes meet for a few seconds, the sincerity in his eyes something she could no longer dismiss before he took Arshia, "we'll help you," he smiled that lop-sided smile of his as placing Arshia on the floor he began to lift her clothes out of her bag.<br />
<br />
She hesitated for a few seconds before bending down to take the clothes he handed from him, their gazes colliding, the sincerity within them no longer a secret. Khushi wasn't quite sure yet whether she wanted to tell him about what she may or may not have overheard. She decided to keep it to herself until she was sure instead.<br />
<br />
There were things that Arnav wanted to ask her, things that still gave him nightmares. He wanted to right his every wrong, cherish her, love her till there was no more love left inside of him and then some more, he wanted to know about the things that hurt her, the things that made her happy. How much had she changed, how much did she think he had? But he would have to leave those for another day, for now he would tread carefully, for now he had to make these moments count.<br />
<br />
<i>I know </i><br />
<i>cause I'd spend half this morning </i><br />
<i>Thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-90136540153529740652015-09-24T17:05:00.000-07:002015-09-24T17:05:49.013-07:00Chapter 19 - As Our Whispers Come Alive<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM8fi5kffffFJmBVMlHpcEevW5qzqHteDE-aLus44Ha2NyTHBQk1gPbpxUcbo9QIbOpjE5FLTem0CmS7_puP63G1RBN46syn5cw8EjeMio1X7XzoQmBNeLowY7ORvlQAmP9Lr1issLJbA/s1600/Whispered+Wishes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM8fi5kffffFJmBVMlHpcEevW5qzqHteDE-aLus44Ha2NyTHBQk1gPbpxUcbo9QIbOpjE5FLTem0CmS7_puP63G1RBN46syn5cw8EjeMio1X7XzoQmBNeLowY7ORvlQAmP9Lr1issLJbA/s320/Whispered+Wishes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>I've always been in love with you. I'll always be in love with you.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>- Grey's Anatomy</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She lifted her eyes slowly, it taking her a second to recognise
the person standing outside. Khushi felt her whole life fall apart and fall
back together again. She took her steps slowly at first and she did not know
when she had fallen into a run, when she felt herself collide into his embrace.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She let Arnav's arms go around her, his stubbled cheeks caress her
rosy soft ones, that familiar scent of his engulf her completely. She wasn't
sure what was going to happen next and for the moment she did not want to think
about that. All that she was sure of was that she had once again found home...<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then suddenly everything began to come back to her, how
she’d left, how she’d been dragged, how he was the reason for all of this
hatred. She pushed out of his embrace awkwardly, tightening her hold against
Arshia then got into the back of the car. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He watched in shock, his eyes wide, not quite sure what had
happened. Putting his turbulent thoughts to bay he too got into the car and
fired the engine to life as she continued to stare off into the distance her
thoughts in chaos. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
****<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anjali placed her hand on the cold metal handle of the car
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completely.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He stood with his back to her, his hair an unruly mess, she
could sense the fear kick in even before she approached him, but she would have
to do this for her brother. She nodded for the driver to leave before she took
another step in his direction. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He turned around suddenly, moving his jet black hair away
from his face, a dark snarl spreading across his lips. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Rani Saheba!” He exclaimed, his arms open as if waiting for
an embrace. “And here I was thinking you’d never appear!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
****<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was out of the car even before he had turned the engine
off, her arms tight around Arshia. Her mind was in chaos, unsure and afraid. She
didn’t know who she was anymore, was she the woman that hated Arnav or the one
that loved him? He’d taken everyone she’d held dear, ripped her life into
shreds and yet she found comfort in him, wanted to forgive him, but how could
she? She’d lost her parents, her bauji, her home and in return he’d chased her
away, treated her like dirt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She attempted to calm her nerves, her anger. “Deep breaths
Khushi, deep breaths,” she whispered to herself as she held her tears at bay,
her whole body trembling with the effort of controlling her every emotion. She
placed Arshia who had now fallen asleep down in her cot, her small fingers
trembling against the blanket as she put it over her little baby. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Arnav walked in just then, his feet quick on the ground and
he was behind her within seconds, his face a picture of concern. His hand fell
on her shoulder, the affection coming naturally to him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She refused to turn back, to look at him, for fear that her
anger would explode that she would not be able to hold it in any longer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s wrong Khushi?” He murmured, his husky voice soft and
concerned, but that was enough to break her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She turned around abruptly, throwing his hand away from her
as he stared back, his eyes wide, hurt fleeting through the depths of his eyes.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re what’s wrong Arnav! You ‘re what’s wrong!” She screamed,
her emotions getting the better of her, her mind over her heart, her anger over
her love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He took a step back, not quite sure how to react, keeping a
tight hold of his own anger that had no bounds, that both relieved and
terrified him at the same time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I… I don’t know how to feel anymore!” She exclaimed as
angry tears trailed down her face. “My parents won’t take me back! I have no
place to call home! I wasn’t happy but I was surviving and now I don’t even
have that!” She shouted taking further steps towards him as he automatically
took a few back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“And it’s driving me crazy! I don’t know who I am anymore! I
hate you and I love you! I want to push you away but be in your arms at the
same time! I can’t! I can’t do this anymore!” She cried, unable to take it
anymore as she began to crumple down to the floor, her face in her hands, her
small frame trembling before he leapt forward, his arms going around her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t’ know what I feel! I can’t do this anymore,” she
sobbed as he let her tears drench into his shirt, as he held her close, held
her safe. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Shhh shh Khushi, it’s okay,” he whispered into her hair, “it’s
okay,” he murmured, holding her tight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
****<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times;">He braced himself before he took another step further, his
hand stopping mid-knock as his eyes fell on her innocent form. She sat with her
back against the bed frame, her thoughts seemingly lost in the distance. She
was beautiful like she'd always been, a stray lock of hair graced her face
innocently before she quickly tucked it behind her ear. He loved her,
infinitely and irrevocably.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She looked up suddenly, sparkling hazel against
molten caramel, their unspoken fears meeting and dissipating. He lowered his
gaze, swallowing hard before he took a further step forward. She looked away
again, her thoughts lost in a distance somewhere as she felt him sit down next
to her, their arms almost touching, the warmth of him radiating towards her as
she battled between her desire to stay and the fear that crippled her mind that
was screaming at her to run.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He too rested against the bed frame. There were
so many things he wanted to say, he had so many words for her, but none of them
would leave his lips, he did not know where to begin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">"Thank you," it was almost a whisper
and Arnav was sure he hadn't heard her right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Taking a deep breath in she slowly turned
towards him, large hazel orbs against charred caramel, furrowed brows. And
suddenly she saw all of her worries fade away, her heart leave it's rigid
clutches upon her past. Suddenly she felt lighter, like nothing was enough to
stop loving him and her hand moved of it's own accord, at first stopping inches
away from his face as his eyes followed, curiously, before she placed it in the
middle of his brows, easing out his frown lines. He moved back almost
instinctively, not quite sure what was happening. She smiled back, a smile that
reached her eyes, before she reached forward again and whispered, "thank
you".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">This is us at our best, and
our worst<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">And when we speak, does it
feel unrehearsed?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Cause where I wane be is
far apart<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">From where we are, from where we are<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">And I thought I found the
place where we could start<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Talk from the heart, talk
from the heart<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><br />
</span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He stared back at her, his eyes wide, his mind
in panic. She sighed, moving back to rest her back against the bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">"You know for a very long time, I didn't
know what to call home," Khushi began, her eyes focused on the distance
once more. Her thoughts momentarily stopping on the barren ends of the swimming
pool that used to hold his beloved plants and she felt a stab of pain in her
heart. He was hurting, he'd always been hurting but he'd inflicted so much of
that pain on her that she'd never been able to understand it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Arnav gulped back his fears as he moved back
next to her, not quite sure what was going on, thankful that he may not have to
speak just yet. Not quite sure he'd ever be able to put his thoughts into
words.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She let her fingers fiddle around with each
other, scratching at the tip of her nails as she kept her carefully concealed
tears at bay. Taking a deep breath in she continued. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I remember so clearly, all of those years ago, walking out of my flat. It was late and I’d made up my mind and I didn’t even allow myself the
permission to wander in the direction of your flat before I left the city.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He looked towards her suddenly; he knew where
this conversation was heading. It was going where it should have all of those
years ago and finally that time had come. Perhaps this was what they both
needed to put their pasts behind them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“And after coming back, I remember my mind was
never in one place, I was never completely content, there was always something
missing.” She began to squeeze on her fingers as she allowed a sideways glance
at Arnav. “But I just didn’t know how to get that missing part back.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Before she continued any further she turned
towards him, his eyes seemingly not have left her face. Their eyes met,
glistening hazel against molten caramel, the embers of his eyes burning into
her soul. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I was back and I suddenly realised that I’d
made this decision, that would change both of our lives. That I’d made a rash
decision, but I no longer knew how to take it back, how to go back to you.” Her
voice was breaking in places now and she tried with great difficulty to keep
her emotions at bay. “I didn’t know whether you’d have taken me back.” She
mumbled finally. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">But you just say I’m perfect<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Say I’m pretty <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Say I’m worth it <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">But if you really care for me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Say love <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">I want you to say love<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">I want you to say love<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">When I say “love you”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">You just say “me too”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">But I want you to say you love <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Arnav seemed to have lost all sense of time and
space, his hand going over and around both of hers of it’s own accord. He let
his eyes hover over her face for a few seconds before he dropped his gaze. “Of
course I would have.” Sparkling speckles of hazel against burning embers of
caramel, “I would have done anything to have you back,” he mumbled. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He looked back towards the dark night sky,
sparkles of bright stars speckled on it’s dark canvas. He gulped audibly, if
only they’d had this conversation all of those years ago, before his own
insecurities had crippled him and brought him crashing down, before he’d torn
her apart. He took his hand away slowly, as she followed it with her eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I don’t think I’ve ever had the ability to turn
you away,” he mumbled softly, almost as if he was talking to himself. “You know
I always kept hoping you’d come back, that maybe it would take a few weeks,
then maybe months but that you would come back to me. And although I’d made up
my mind, I don’t think I ever completely gave up on that hope.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I couldn’t bring myself to,” she tried to
explain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I know, I don’t blame you,” he stated, cutting
her off before she could finish. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“Khushi,” he turned around towards her
completely, taking her hand into his once more, their eyes holding. “Khushi,
when you first came into my life, I was still lost, still frightened. I had all
of these walls, this guard on that I wouldn’t let anyone break through.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She nodded slowly as tears finally began to
slowly stream down her face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“But somehow, you seemed to break through them
and for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to love. And when
you left, none of that changed, I knew I would still love you, it was an emotion
that was never in my control.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“Arnav,” she murmured, sure that she was rapidly
losing her ability to control her own emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No
Khushi, please let me say it today, please just this once,” she could feel the
yearning, the helplessness in his voice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He was finally saying it, everything that she’d
wanted him to say but hadn’t and now she didn’t know how to respond. She could
feel the soft glisten of the moon high up in the sky as it bathed them both in
it’s light. She could see the ferociously burning embers in his eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">He took a deep breath in, watching the
beautifully confused rays of emotions of her face as they weaved in and out. He
gave her small hands a little squeeze, somewhat unaware of his actions himself.
“I know this might be difficult to believe, that I certainly haven’t shown it,”
he let his eyes hover over her face before letting them stay level, not leaving
hers for even a second. “But Khushi, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving
you.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">Her eyes widened, her hands almost pulling out his
grasp before she hurriedly placed it back where it had always belonged. She
felt something inside of her release and soar. There was a tingling that seemed
to spread from her heart to the tips of her fingers and if it wasn’t for his
warm grasp and sincere eyes she may have mistaken this all to be a dream. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“I…” Taking a deep breath in he let go of her
hands once more, looking away, forcing himself not to breakdown. They were
opening up the dam that were their emotions and he would have to continue till
she knew it all. “When you came back, I was unsure… Unsure of myself, my hearts
yearning, whether I was seeing everything realistically or whether my heart was
just convincing my mind. I knew I loved you but I didn’t know whether you’d
moved on, or was trying to move on and maybe just maybe I was getting in the
way.” He stood up then and walked over to the large French doors. His back
turned to her, his heart in his mouth, “and suddenly things were moving so
fast, the first time you’d left, my life had come to this stand still again,
and I guess I just didn’t know how to deal with it.” He stuffed his hands in
his pockets, not sure how to go on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She stood up too, taking nimble footsteps
towards him, not wanting to disturb his chain of thought, it was important that
he finally got everything out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“And suddenly I was standing there and watching this
nightmare unfold in front of me, Shyam with you… I… All o f my insecurities
suddenly came to the surface and without thinking I came to my conclusions.” He
turned around again, their eyes meeting once more, his glistening with still
unshed tears, he grasped her hand again as her eyes widened, refusing to leave
his for even a second. “I’m so sorry Khushi! I’m so sorry!” He placed his head
against her hand, tears trailing down his face. “I’m sorry for ruining your
life, for forcing you to marry me, for hurting you, for tearing you apart, for
taking away everything you love,” he mumbled, his words broken, his body
shaking. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">She tried to pull away, shaking her head, unable
to wipe the tears flowing down her own cheeks. “No no…” She began to mumble but
he continued, lifting up his face to her, pulling her unconsciously towards
him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Times;">“But you need to know,” his fingers were tight
around her hands as if he was holding on for dear life, “every time I hurt you,
it hurt me more, every time I tried to hate you, I hated myself more.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She placed her palm on his cheek, as his hand went around
her wrist, their eyes meeting but their gazes blurry with tears. “And when I
told you to leave it was because I knew I’d wronged you, because I knew I
didn’t deserve you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Her eyes widened suddenly, her breath hitching in her
throat, she tried to pull her hand away but his grasp was tight on her wrist.
She hadn’t known that and she couldn’t believe her ears. She’d known he was
hurting, that somewhere in a corner of his heart he must love her, but she’d
always thought it had been his hate that had chased her out, not his love. And
suddenly she wanted to forgive him with all of her heart, give him everything
she had once again. She wanted to take him in her arms and never let him go,
kiss away his insecurities and break down his walls. She carefully took her
hand away, running her arms around him bringing him closer to her, as he buried
his head in the crevice of her neck, his hot tears that had been held unshed
for so many years finally melting into the softness of her skin, their bodies
shaking as they shrugged off their fears and sorrows and finally let go of the
past.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Say love </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I want you to say love</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I want you to say love </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>When I say "love you" </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>You just say "me too"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>But I want you to say love </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b>~</b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b>"It's just you and me, </b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b>scattered amongst all of it, </b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b>trying to find home."</b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b>- Tyler Knott Gregson</b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: purple;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-16200406634864239732014-05-01T17:19:00.000-07:002014-05-01T17:19:54.165-07:00Chapter 18 - Scattered Souls <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi guys! So sorry for the late update... I'm doing this at 1am in the morning. My life has been really hectic over these past couple of months, I do apologise. I'm going to try and do more regular updates more often... Promise... And sorry guys! </div>
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<br /></div>
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Thanks for sticking with this, it means the world to me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Song credit - All We Are by One Republic</div>
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<br /></div>
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Pre-cap</div>
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Khushi's friend Aryan who is a lawyer comes to take over the case against Shyam</div>
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Arnav and Khushi both reveal all that happened between the time Khushi left Arnav's house to Arnav finding Arshia. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOFqiBACwqxETAiSv9xT5TQgD2kxiJjUBZoIG93DnHfPEX8u-pt97Cp-Py3Jt5qdOsFyQ54wPrVww3muZdBgGOdymsB1Z-I1ssrS8SmRdb4rN8R-kIghW1uAeZuCtbCD-mt5xtmYzXS4I/s1600/Scattered+Souls.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOFqiBACwqxETAiSv9xT5TQgD2kxiJjUBZoIG93DnHfPEX8u-pt97Cp-Py3Jt5qdOsFyQ54wPrVww3muZdBgGOdymsB1Z-I1ssrS8SmRdb4rN8R-kIghW1uAeZuCtbCD-mt5xtmYzXS4I/s1600/Scattered+Souls.jpeg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>You are so brave and quiet</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I forget you are suffering</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Ernest Hemmingway </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
She walked over, whether she was in a hurry or not was difficult to tell but her feet were a lot more swifter on the ground than usual, her limp a lot more pronounced. She made sure to look around, survey her surroundings before she finally picked up the receiver. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she gulped and attempted to make sense of the voice coming through the other end. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
She dabbed at the beads of sweat that now adorned her upper lip before she began to speak. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"You have to understand, the only way I'll help you is if you leave chotey out of this. If it is the same thing we are interested in, only then do you have a deal." </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Anjali slammed the phone down before she looked around once more then rapidly walked off. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
****</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Khushi sniffed slightly before she placed the small duffel bag on top of the bed. Her mind a whirlwind of thoughts, all of her mind numbing insecurities colliding off of each other. There were things that she needed to think through, opinions that she had to re-assess and somehow that felt an impossible task here. Here where his footsteps echoed through her heart and all she could do was dwell on the past.<br />
<br />
She wanted some peace and quiet, to be in a place where she did not feel his every heartbeat. She needed space for a while.<br />
<br />
She felt her body stiffen as she heard him walk through the door, his footsteps light and quiet.<br />
<br />
"I just came to check if you were okay," he began before she could turn around, their gazes colliding the moment she did.<br />
<br />
She looked down suddenly, sensing the weight with which he was waiting for her reply.<br />
<br />
His gaze fell on the small bag then, those crippling thoughts overtaking his mind yet again.<br />
<br />
"Are you leaving?" The question broke out of him before he could stop himself, "I mean..." He quickly attempted to regain his composure, his words failing him yet again, his hands balling into tight fists.<br />
<br />
"Actually..." She looked up at him again, searching his eyes and finding nothing but fear there. She wanted to reassure him but didn't know how to anymore, after all how did you reassure someone who had only seen disappointment?<br />
<br />
"I wanted to go to buajis for a few day," she finally blurted out, her fingers fidgeting against each other.<br />
<br />
His brows scrunched together, he hadn't expected that.. "Buaji's?" He questioned, more confused than he'd been earlier.<br />
<br />
"Yeh... I'll be back in a day or two, I just, I mean I've not been in a very long time," She finally managed to fully compose a sentence, her eyes darting to every corner of the room in a bid to escape his gaze.<br />
<br />
He nodded slowly then walked over to Arshia's cot, his eyes falling tenderly upon her innocent face as she stood up to welcome him. "Are you taking Arshia with you?" He asked then, his back facing her.<br />
<br />
She gulped, she'd been expecting that question, "yes if that's okay with you?"<br />
<br />
He gulped, choking back the lump that formed in his throat, "yeh that's okay," he picked Arshia up into his arms then turned around. "Do you want me to drop you off?"<br />
<br />
<i>I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong</i><br />
<i>Black and white didn't fit you and all along, </i><br />
<i>You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything</i><br />
<i>That I need just to make it, but I can see that...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lord knows I failed you time and again, </i><br />
<i>But you and me are alright</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>We won't say our goodbyes </i><br />
<i>You know it's better that way</i><br />
<i>We won't break, we won't die</i><br />
<i>It's just a moment of change</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>All we are, all we are is everything that's right</i><br />
<i>All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi, yeah</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
****<br />
<br />
Aryan watched as strands of her hair fell into her eyes and she attempted to brush them off of her face with her slender fingers, her attention otherwise on the magazine that she was reading. The small rhinestones of her earrings glimmered in perfect tandem with the sparkles in her eyes.<br />
<br />
He walked over slowly, being careful not to break her out of her perfect reverie. He'd never quite seen anyone like her, she made the hairs on his arms stand on edge and not out of fear.<br />
<br />
She looked up suddenly, slightly flustered from the sudden intrusion, her brows furrowing the next minute as she tried to assess who he was.<br />
<br />
He was sure he forgot where he was standing for a minute before he finally managed to will his hand to move forward.<br />
<br />
"I'm Aryan, Khushi's friend," he finally introduced himself, spreading a generous smile on her face.<br />
<br />
"Anjali," Arnav's sister, she replied gently taking his hand into hers.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Arnav felt the world shrinking around him as Buaji assessed him from head to toe, her hands balled into fists and resting on her hips. He'd known the minute she'd opened the door that this would not go well. Buaji was a character, he'd never really liked her, never really felt the need to. After all how many times had she taunted Khushi, made her feel unwanted?<br />
<br />
Khushi clutched onto Arshia in her arms as if holding on for dear life. Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched her mother stand behind her buaji, as her buaji looked down on her like dirt. Her mother's slap still stung her skin, echoed in her ears. She could still hear Buaji's words echo in the deepest corners of her mind.<br />
<br />
<i>"You've let us all down Khushi"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"You've finally proven that you are not our blood"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
And she had, she'd let them down, let herself down. But now here she was, with a baby in her arms, the very man that she had forcibly married her standing like a pillar behind her.<br />
<br />
She turned around then slowly, letting her gaze meet his then slowly nodded.<br />
<br />
He looked down as he understood, taking his steps back slowly before turning around to walk away.<br />
<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
He stormed back into his room, his trail a blaze of anger, his hands balled into fists. His emotions were a mess, for seconds on end he was overtaken by anger and then by grief. He didn't know how to control himself, how to place his thoughts and his fears at bay. Everything put him on edge, would she stay or would she go? Would he be able to handle it if it happened again? Suddenly a few weeks felt like years and his life was breaking down in front of his very eyes once again. He pulled his sweatshirt off and threw it on the bed as he too slumped down onto it.<br />
<br />
He brought his hands together, resting his forehead against them, his gaze fixed on the far distance, his eyes wet with the swarm of emotions rushing through him. And suddenly he was on his feet again, grabbing for his shirt, picking up his keys and storming back out of the door.<br />
<br />
<i>I walked a minute in your shoes - </i><br />
<i>They never would've fit</i><br />
<i>I figured there's nothing to lose</i><br />
<i>I need to get</i><br />
<i>Some perspective on these words before I write them down</i><br />
<i>You're an island and my ship has run aground. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lord knows I'll fail you time and again, </i><br />
<i>But you and me are alright, yeah. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>We won't say our goodbyes </i><br />
<i>You know it's better that way </i><br />
<i>We won't break, we won't die</i><br />
<i>It's just a moment of change</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>All we are, all we are is everything that's right</i><br />
<i>All we need all we need is a lover's alibi</i><br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She sat in her room, on her creaking bed. Stars still hung from the ceiling, stars that represented the only two people who'd been a constant in her life. After all everyone else had left her had they not?Khushi held her little bundle of joy tight, tears flowing down her cheeks as she placed gentle kisses upon Arshia. Her heart was pounding in her chest.<br />
<br />
"Who knows whose child that even is!"<br />
<br />
"So many years later and now she decides to come back... Besharam!"<br />
<br />
"Was it not enough that she brought shame to our family once that she had to return?!"<br />
<br />
She scrunched her eyes shut, attempting to drown out Buaji's screaming. She took a deep breath in before she finally stood up, her arms tightening around Arshia of their own accord.<br />
<br />
She walked the rest as if in a daze, the shouts and screams now inaudible in her ears. It was as if she would not be able to take another single breath if she did not leave. She placed one foot outside, felt the crunch of the gravel underneath her feet as reality kicked in once more.<br />
<br />
She lifted her eyes slowly, it taking her a second to recognise the person standing outside. Khushi felt her whole life fall apart and fall back together again. She took her steps slowly at first and she did not know when she had fallen into a run, when she felt herself collide into his embrace.<br />
<br />
She let Arnav's arms go around her, his stubbled cheeks caress her rosy soft ones, that familiar scent of his engulf her completely. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next and for the moment she did not want to think about that. All that she was sure of was that she had once again found home...<br />
<br />
<i>Every single day that I breathe,</i><br />
<i>You change my philosophy</i><br />
<i>I'm never gonna let you pass me by</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>So don't say your goodbyes </i><br />
<i>You know it's better that way</i><br />
<i>We won't break, we won't die</i><br />
<i>It's just a moment of change. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>All we are, all we are is everything that's right</i><br />
<i>All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi...</i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">~</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Is it possible for home to be a person,</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">and not a place?</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">- Stephanie Perkins</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">~</span></i></b></div>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-73224389464630053552013-12-22T17:37:00.000-08:002013-12-22T17:37:43.323-08:00Chapter 17 - Pages of Her Journal <div class="p1">
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Okay so first off huge apology. I know it's been ages since I last updated and that my updates have been all over the place this year. But I really do have a lot going on. Full time med student plus I work 4am to 8am shifts now too :(... And on top of that my accommodation is in a bit of a state at the moment where I might be looking for a new place to live. *Deep breaths* so yeh as you can see, a lot going on and with all of it, it's just not possible for me to keep my mind in one place or be in a place where I'm comfortable with writing again. But nevertheless, it's still unfair on you guys who have remained so loyal so I'm going to update and see how it goes....<br />
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Lyrics credit: Stay with you by Goo Goo Dolls<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE6VQHjHvc-4PA6oysTaorhANtLr0vSUg8n6YBTh2ftQ-GlP-LX6bql8DQZ3_wmZrDRT3cbKGEvx4kBvaAkd5B-V5XPyQ1Lp9wZChSGoSB6VfslJN4C3R7uUHKlAp7vWnq5BdjSy7PNAQ/s1600/To+Her+Past+So+Unknown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE6VQHjHvc-4PA6oysTaorhANtLr0vSUg8n6YBTh2ftQ-GlP-LX6bql8DQZ3_wmZrDRT3cbKGEvx4kBvaAkd5B-V5XPyQ1Lp9wZChSGoSB6VfslJN4C3R7uUHKlAp7vWnq5BdjSy7PNAQ/s320/To+Her+Past+So+Unknown.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Let's count your scars</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- I said</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Why?</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- She replied</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Because then I can see</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>How many times you needed me</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>And how many times</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I wasn't there. </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Oisin, Ideas on Ink</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">The quote used at the start is one I came across on Tumblr: http://apoetwithoutpaper.tumblr.com/</span><br />
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Khushi had to stop, take a deep breath in before she could convince herself to take that first step in and cross that threshold all over again. It awaited her like a storm, the broken pieces of a life she had only barely known. His smell still lingered in the crevices of it's walls and along with it that night all those years ago when they had made love with incoherent words.<br />
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A slow tear trailed down her cheeks and she wiped her hand swiftly over it, now was not the time to fall weak. But with every step she could feel her resolve weakening. So many harsh words, so many accusations had been raised in this room and now she didn't know what to make of the fact that she was moving back into it.<br />
<br />
They were giving each other another chance, turning new pages in the tattered, old book that was their life but she could feel herself wavering again, she could feel herself breaking apart again.<br />
<br />
He walked in just then, stopping mid-step as he watched her back. He was sure his sister was up to something, Anjali never liked to make people uncomfortable, she wouldn't do it if she could help it. So why was she requesting Khushi to move into his room? He didn't question it however, she would manage to convince him of a reason one way or the other, it would just be futile.<br />
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He wanted to step forward and take her into an embrace, but he stopped himself. He could feel the edges crumbling once again, there were too many memories in here to torment her.<br />
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He walked over to her slowly, till they were breaths apart, till his hand was lingering next to hers.<br />
<br />
She turned back quite suddenly, her breath hitching in her throat for a fraction of a second before she managed to compose herself.<br />
<br />
He bent down wordlessly, his fingers intertwining around the handle, brushing her soft fingers before she rapidly yanked her hand away. And that pulled at a corner of his heart, that he still made her jump, still made her ache. Their gazes clashed for the smallest of seconds, hazel against charred caramel before he broke away his gaze and walked away with her bag.<br />
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They both continued to stand still as time stretched on, their backs facing each other. His hand was still on the handle of the bag and hers balled into small fists. The same thoughts passing through both of their minds.<br />
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That they would have to make this work, if not for each other then for the little angel that they had been blessed with, that they had fought for, that they would always continue to fight for.<br />
<br />
<i>These streets</i><br />
<i>Turn me inside out</i><br />
<i>Everything shines</i><br />
<i>But leave me empty still</i><br />
<i>And I'll, burn this lonely house down</i><br />
<i>If you run with me</i><br />
<i>If you run with me</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do</i><br />
<i>Take my hand now</i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you</i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
****<br />
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Khushi held her bundle of joy close to her heart, till Arshia's eyes had closed and her breathing had become even. Arshia was like her anchor, she felt safe with Arshia close to her, the deep even movements of her little chest putting Khushi's back into rhythm.<br />
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Arnav slowly walked over to the door, taking a deep breath in before he opened it, he knew the person on the other side of the door, he'd never had a problem with him all those years ago. But now things were different, now he was the man that had wronged Khushi and Aryan was still her best friend.<br />
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He sent his hand around the door knob, bracing himself for all that was to come as something seemed to weight him down with his every movement.<br />
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He opened the door to a beaming smile that quickly flattened out to a thin line, before the man in front of him extended his hand for a firm hand shake.<br />
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"Aryan," he stated.<br />
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"We've met before," Arnav answered, attempting a smile but faltering then let him in.<br />
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Aryan slowly took in the lavish interior, if he'd been surprised by the exterior, he was gobsmacked by what he saw now. He'd always known that Arnav had to be rich and of course along with that he'd expected him to be the arsehole he'd eventually shown himself to be.<br />
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"Khushi's upstairs, I'll just get her for you, why don't you have a seat," Arnav almost mumbled before he made a run for it. Aryan and his judging gaze made him feel uncomfortable.<br />
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---<br />
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Khushi finished laying Arshia down in her cot when she heard his footsteps at the door, spending a few more seconds watching the serene face of her baby she turned around to face him, almost immediately taking in his turmoil. His charred caramel orbs were troubled, his hands clenched in fists as was usually the case when he was worried or hassled.<br />
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He lowered his gaze quickly, "Aryan's here, he's downstairs, so..." He mumbled as she began to walk over towards him.<br />
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It took a lot for Khushi to stop herself from walking over and embracing Arnav, she knew how much he hurt and how much he regretted all that he'd done, but there was a lot left to be done before she would take that step. She knew he wouldn't be comfortable with Aryan around, hell, Aryan and Arnav had never liked each other, but there was no one else that Khushi could trust with this. She didn't want Shyam buying off their lawyer too.<br />
<br />
<i>Fooled by my own desires</i><br />
<i>I twist my fate</i><br />
<i>Just to feel you</i><br />
<i>But you, turn me towards the light</i><br />
<i>And you're one with me</i><br />
<i>Will you run with me?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do</i><br />
<i>Take my hand now</i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you</i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>****</i><br />
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She'd lost a lot of weight, her features more angular than he could remember, but her eyes were still piercing and she felt light in his embrace, he plastered a large smile on his face before she looked at him again.<br />
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"Well... You look... Different," he smiled, making Khushi's smile widen before she broke into a light giggle, the corners of her eyes crinkling.<br />
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"And look who hasn't changed at all," she stated, thankful for the atmosphere that Aryan always carried around with him.<br />
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"Well I hope I have, don't you think I've lost weight?" He questioned then, his eyebrows meeting together in that awkward way as he obsessed over himself.<br />
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Khushi nodded, still giggling, "no you have you have, you've lost weight, you look ravishing... Would you like any more compliments or are we done for the day?" She questioned jokingly, placing her hand on his arm, gesturing for him to take a seat.<br />
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Arnav watched for a few seconds, taking in their camaraderie, the smile that he may never be able to put on Khushi's face again then slowly faded into the shadows before he turned around and walked off, his hands clenched at his sides.<br />
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Khushi too looked up suddenly, it was strange how she could still sense his every turbulence, his restlessness, her eyes searched around for him, already knowing that he had walked away.<br />
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****<br />
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Khushi walked into their room slowly, taking her time to process all that her and Aryan had talked about. It would be difficult to encourage Aryan to even like Arnav again, and she'd known this all along but she suspected it would now be even more difficult to bring Arnav out of his shell. She remembered how much Aryan had hated Arnav when they'd first started dating, and now after all that had happened, convincing Aryan would be an impossible task. But that wasn't her priority.<br />
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He stood with his back to her, he knew she was there, but refused to turn around, not yet anyway. His hands were in his pockets as he looked out at the shimmering moon, a thousand conflicts passing through his mind. He felt like he was going to lose her again, her fingertips clinging onto the ends of his then breaking away. He gulped, as the anxiety returned, the fear of what the future would hold, what it would take away.<br />
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She walked over to him, as he slowly turned around, causing her to stop mid-step, their gazes clashing and holding.<br />
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"Aryan wanted to talk to the both of us," she began then, "he felt the sooner we start..."<br />
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He nodded then began walking towards her before she could finish her sentence.<br />
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--<br />
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Aryan didn't make an effort to hide his distaste towards Arnav, there was no need to. This man had single-handedly ruined the very foundations of Khushi's life. He'd warned her but she hadn't listen and of course it was too late now.<br />
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He watched as Arnav evaded his gaze, all but too similarly to how he had evaded all of his responsibilities.<br />
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Khushi sat fidgeting, her index finger playing against her thumb as she took deep breaths in and out. She knew what was coming next and she didn't want to look at Arnav, think about what it would put him through. And the worst part of it was that she would have to do this, there was no other way.<br />
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"Okay so Khushi's already told me about why you want me fighting this case and I am more than happy to, actually it would be my privilege. But before I go ahead, I need to know everything, from the beginning till now. Don't miss out a single detail, this will all be important," he explained as Arnav's head snapped up. He looked shaken, his charred caramel orbs clouded, before he dropped his gaze, gulping back his fears and bracing himself for what was to come.<br />
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"Khushi," Aryan allowed Khushi to begin.<br />
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She looked away before she began, taking a deep breath in.<br />
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"After Arnav asked me to leave I had no where to turn to," she mumbled, already feeling the low sting of tears in her eyes.<br />
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He clenched his hands into fists, gulping, staring at his feet.<br />
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"So I gathered the money that I had somehow saved till then and moved into a room in a chawl."<br />
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He scrunched his eyes shut, as he dug his fingers into his flesh.<br />
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"Of course I didn't know that I was pregnant then," she stated then looked towards Aryan, "and nor did Arnav," she wanted to let the both of them know that she didn't blame Arnav, that the decision had been hers.<br />
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"And when I finally found out I didn't know how to tell him," she mumbled as Aryan nodded back at her. "And the more I put it off the more I felt it was too late to tell him."<br />
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Arnav turned around to watch the side of her face then, the speckles of tears that already shone in her eyes and he felt his heart give way a little. She was still protecting him, protecting his mistakes. The truth was he'd scared her off, belittled her, so why would she have wanted to tell him anyway? If he'd been in her place he wouldn't have told a man like him either. All he had given Khushi were tears, so why would she think him capable of giving their child anything else? And he knew Aryan saw through her words, Aryan knew he was a monster.<br />
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"I kept to myself and got a job as an admin assistant at a doctor's surgery and I attended my check-ups regularly," she began again. "The first doctor I saw changed on my second check-up."<br />
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"What was his name again?" Aryan questioned, quickly interrupting.<br />
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"Dr Das," she stated before she began again, she could feel her voice giving her tears away.<br />
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"I fainted at work because I hadn't yet taken maternity leave and they had taken me to the hospital. They asked me for my consent for a caesarian, I asked them several times if my baby would be okay, if she would survive," her voice broke then, and the tears finally began to trail down her face.<br />
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Arnav moved forward in his chair before he stopped himself. It killed him to watch her sob like that, her every tear seared through his heart.<br />
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"And they told me she would, so I agreed," she spoke through her tears. "But then I woke up," she finally turned towards Arnav, hazel orbs against caramel spheres, taking him by surprise. "And they told me she hadn't survived, that my baby had died," her sobs were louder and he couldn't stop himself any longer. He stood up and went to sit next to her, taking her into his embrace.<br />
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"They told me she was dead..." She looked up towards him again, burying herself into his chest, "I thought, it..."<br />
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"Shhh... Shhhh," he hushed her, letting her tears soak into his shirt, "shh it's okay, she's okay, we're okay," he consoled her, sending his fingers through her hair as she shed her tears against him, her body shaking within his embrace.<br />
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"I didn't know..." She struggled with her words as they collided off of her tears, "I didn't know what to do, how to fix things." His embrace tightened around her, he wanted to desperately fix things, everything.<br />
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She looked up at him once more, "I didn't know how to move on," she mumbled and he had to avert his eyes. He hated himself, at that moment more than he had ever hated himself before because now he knew exactly what he had put her through and for that he never deserved her again.<br />
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Aryan watched quietly, giving them space, taken aback by Arnav's gesture. He hadn't seen that coming and although he was still not convinced, he decided to at least give Arnav a chance.<br />
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He held her till her sobs had seized, till she straightened up and he loosened his embrace. She looked away from him then but made an effort not to move. She wanted to stay engulfed in his warmth.<br />
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"I wanted to just get away, begin again," she said, her fingers entangling through Arnav's of their own accord.<br />
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"So I called up Lavanya and she helped me move to London, let me stay at her place until I could sort myself out..." She looked up at Arnav once more, "and then Arnav found me again," she finished off, squeezing his hand gently as he looked down at her once more, then away again, attempting a small smile.<br />
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"So what happened on your end Arnav, Shyam contacted you am I right?" Aryan questioned, letting his gaze linger over Arnav, as he flickered his gaze away and back to Aryan, making Aryan perfectly aware that the question made Arnav uncomfortable.<br />
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Khushi squeezed his hand again, gently smiling at him, she knew how difficult this would be for him, Arnav was never one to display emotions.<br />
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He swallowed before he began, his throat had suddenly become parched. He focused his gaze on Aryan once more, returning to the only demeanour of his that he knew would not betray him.<br />
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"I was getting ready for work when I first got Shyam's phone call," he began, his voice cold and devoid of emotion and all Khushi wanted to do was hold him, let him shed his tears, scream and tell him to stop keeping things in. He was ASR again and she hated that, hated that that would hurt him more.<br />
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"He told me he had my child, that if I didn't pay a ransom then I wouldn't get her back. I didn't know what to do, up till then I.. I hadn't even known that Khushi had been pregnant and it didn't even make sense. It had only been seven months since she'd left me," he stated, Khushi could hear the notes in his voice faltering, she watched his stern face, his set jaw, and for the first time she witnessed in him the same person that had existed before she had left, she saw the face of the man that had asked her to leave.<br />
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"The baby was premature," Aryan added as Arnav nodded back.<br />
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"I'd already made a mistake, so I didn't want to make another one so I went with gut instinct and and decided to do something about it anyway. After all, if it wasn't my child then it was still someone else's, it was still a child," he stated matter of factly.<br />
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Khushi continued to watch him, the stern lines of his face, the way his eyes gave his emotions away and in that moment she knew that he had never stopped loving her because she had seen him take on this same persona every single time he had spoken to her in the first months of their marriage. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes again, this time for her misunderstandings.<br />
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"So I called up the police, gathered the money. Shyam is cunning yes, but he is greedy for money and that is his downfall," Arnav stated, allowing his gaze to meet Aryan's once more. "We had the place surrounded when I went in with the money and the police caught him red handed," he finished off, relieved to see the end of it.<br />
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Khushi watched him for a few seconds longer then suddenly tore away from him. His head snapped around towards her, his brows knotting together, it taking him only a second to notice the tears that adorned her face. He stood up suddenly, his arm stretched out towards her but she'd already turned around, her feet already rapidly taking her away from him.<br />
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She ferociously wiped at her cheeks as she ran up the stairs, into their room and banged the door shut, slipping down against the door onto the floor as she covered her eyes and cried. She had been so wrong.<br />
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<i>Now come in from this storm</i><br />
<i>I taste you sweet and warm</i><br />
<i>Take what you need</i><br />
<i>Take what you need from me</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Wake up this world</i><br />
<i>Wake up tonight</i><br />
<i>And run with me</i><br />
<i>Run to me now</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
<i>The walls will fall before we do</i><br />
<i>Take my hand now</i><br />
<i>We'll run forever</i><br />
<i>I can feel the storm inside you</i><br />
<i>I'll stay with you</i><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Sometimes I'm terrified</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Of my heart; of its constant</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>hunger for whatever it is</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>it wants. The way it stops</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>and starts.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Edgar Allan Poe</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-70539813408654606502013-08-28T12:15:00.000-07:002013-08-28T12:15:07.029-07:00Chapter 16 - Bearings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>Chapter song: Demons by Imagine Dragons</i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-8Hjc7PhPjWhG0L0lGFUkOAyyAXcnUZXr9deJepLifN6AoQQpN5Z2qg16p8up4TDzpjxZoj4LvMlmaI32bCKvGdYi4UhZbfMgPVG2uYsRMI9M36U_HqYdNq_6xIvW9cApG8B06_cq4ow/s1600/Bearings.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-8Hjc7PhPjWhG0L0lGFUkOAyyAXcnUZXr9deJepLifN6AoQQpN5Z2qg16p8up4TDzpjxZoj4LvMlmaI32bCKvGdYi4UhZbfMgPVG2uYsRMI9M36U_HqYdNq_6xIvW9cApG8B06_cq4ow/s320/Bearings.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>And it's hard to hate someone once you understand them.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Lucy Christopher, Stolen: A Letter to My Captor</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
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<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">She cupped his face once again, her nimble fingers caressing his hair and for the first time in years she let her heart guide her as she let her tender lips meet his.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">He didn't know why it felt so right, so natural, as if the years in between had never happened and this was how they had always been. He was back at that day years ago, when she'd done the same and the chaos in his life had given way to the bubble of happiness that she existed in. His lips moves against hers of heir own accord, his fingers trailing through her hair, his other hand entwined against her waist, holding her closer still.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">She was sure she could feel the drizzle of that wet summer day when they had first kissed, when he had broken down his walls for the vey first time. And their tears mingled together as their warms breaths collided against each other as the sky outside darkened and the rain drenched the ground in a deafening downpour against the silhouette of the shimmering moon.</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></i></div>
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He moved away slowly, his heartbeat still rapid in his chest, his fingers trailing down then moving off of her face gradually as he let their gazes meet once more. Let their every tormented emotion and embedded within them the little twinkles of happiness collide and converse between themselves. She let her fingers trail down his arms and finally meet his hands and she was sure that time had stopped, that it was just the both of them in their perfect melancholy, where their pasts were all but forgotten and their futures weren't already written. </div>
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<br /></div>
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But he took a step back slowly, it taking him a few seconds to find the function in his own limbs as he let his eyes hover over her gentle face for a while longer and his fingertips brushed hers then fell away. Frightened as he was to break the fragile beauty of it, he had to straighten out the muddled haze of emotions in his mind, suddenly he was numb, shaken and he needed to get his thoughts straight. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
She felt the beautiful flutter of her heart quickly give way to dismay as her thoughts once again began to fog the intentions of her heart as she tried to gulp down her impending fears and keep herself calm. But not before he turned around abruptly and began to walk away and not before she'd caught that minuscule second of shock in his features and although she wasn't sure what to make out of it, she had to clench her fists in order to prevent herself from screaming out loud. Had she gone too far? Had they ruined it all over again? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
****<br />
<br />
Khushi fell back down onto her bed, her thoughts lost in the storm that was now brewing in her head. She had to close her eyes and take several breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. This had always been their story, of broken promises and shattered attempts. She'd walked away when he'd extended his hand then he'd broken her all over again when she'd finally extended hers. And now she didn't know what to do.<br />
<br />
Things had been going perfectly fine until the police had turned up at their doorstep. It was never easy to stamp away a hatred that you had nurtured within you for so long. She'd hated him for so long in so many different ways that she herself didn't know the endless possibilities that this could all end in. And she could never track his unpredictable behaviour, one second he'd be seeking comfort, breaking down his walls and the next he'd be walking away, leaving her feeling like dirt, used and trodden on. She didn't understand, couldn't think straight, there was so much at stake, there was Arshia and then there was that monster of a man; Shyam.<br />
<br />
She was drowning in her own emotions and tormented thoughts, lost in a place where she didn't know her place anymore, where she didn't have a side or a choice. It was like she was walking back and forth, blindly between two dead ends, in a box, trying to find a way out when really there wasn't one.<br />
<br />
She gulped back the anger, the disappointment, the anguish, her every feeling trying to make way for her otherwise orderly thoughts, but it was an impossible task. He was driving her crazy.<br />
<br />
Her eyes snapped open suddenly and she looked up as someone knocked on her door. It took her a minute for her eyes to actually focus and fall upon him and then the soft bundle that was her baby in his arms. She didn't know what it was but the sight of her seemed to alleviate her off of her every nightmare.<br />
<br />
She didn't look at him though, he was playing with her mind and her emotions and she was no longer aware of what to think or to feel.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
He watched her for a few seconds, the frown lines on her forehead, her large hazel orbs that were slightly glazed over. He knew what he was doing to her, that whilst he was drawing her closer he was also driving her away but he had been used to this for so long that now that she was finally giving him a chance he didn't know what to make of it, didn't know if he deserved it.<br />
<br />
He took another step in then hesitated, watching her carefully formed features to see if there would even be a seconds flicker of change, of anger. He needed to tread carefully, he had already messed everything up.<br />
<br />
<i>When the days are cold</i><br />
<i>And the cards all fold</i><br />
<i>And the saints we see</i><br />
<i>Are all made of gold</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>When your dreams all fail</i><br />
<i>And the ones we hail</i><br />
<i>Are the worst of all</i><br />
<i>And the blood's run stale</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I wanna hide the truth </i><br />
<i>I wanna shelter you </i><br />
<i>But with the beast inside</i><br />
<i>There's nowhere we can hide</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He sat beside her as she still continued to evade his gaze, placing Arshia down till she was already moving towards Khushi, demanding to be held. He gulped back the despair within him, that yearning that he would also one day earn that right.<br />
<br />
<i>No matter what we breed</i><br />
<i>We still are made of greed</i><br />
<i>This is my kingdom come</i><br />
<i>This is my kingdom come</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>When you feel my heat</i><br />
<i>Look into my eyes</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>Don't get too close</i><br />
<i>It's dark inside</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Khushi began to speak then, before he could even begin to try and voice his own words. Her arms were around Arshia and somehow that seemed to give her the strength to speak. "Remember Arnav, when we were able to look each other in the eye and share our deepest of feelings?" She questioned, her voice not as loud as he was used to, almost as if she was speaking to herself. He had to look away from her, she still hadn't looked his way but he'd always been able to read her.<br />
<br />
"Before all of our misunderstandings, before life got in the way?" Her voice broke as she spoke those last few words and she looked to him then, meeting his equally glazed over caramel orbs.<br />
<br />
He nodded slowly, his hand moving to hers of its own accord.<br />
<br />
She gulped back her tears before she spoke again, "I miss that you know?" The innocence in her soft spoken question pulled at his every heartstring. They had lost a lot over the years, between the war of their own hearts, they'd lost everything.<br />
<br />
His fingers tightened on her hand, fitting into the spaces between her fingers like they always had. He continued to watch her, not quite sure of what to say. What should he say, that he missed it too? As equally and irrevocably as she did? Or apologise for his mistakes? For his every wrong decision? Or would he give her better promises? Promise to never break those promises? He swallowed hard, he was slowly but surely falling back into that place again where his mind didn't let him speak and he'd then get up and walk away like the coward he was.<br />
<br />
They almost didn't hear the knock and Anjali had to tighten her fist and attempt a second time before Arnav finally snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. "Chotey, erm... I hope I'm not disturbing but I have those print outs that you had asked Aman for," she finally managed to tell him.<br />
<br />
He stood up then, glad for the distraction, glad that it didn't end in him having to walk off and shatter her expectations again.<br />
<br />
Whilst she turned around, one of her hands gently engulfing one of Arshia's small fists as she quickly wiped the tear that ran down her cheek, composing herself all over again.<br />
<br />
<i>When the curtain's call </i><br />
<i>Is the last of all</i><br />
<i>When the lights fade out</i><br />
<i>All the sinners crawl</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>So they dug your grave</i><br />
<i>And the masquerade</i><br />
<i>Will come calling out</i><br />
<i>At the mess you've made</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Don't want to let you down </i><br />
<i>But I am hell bound</i><br />
<i>Though this is all for you</i><br />
<i>Don't want to hide the truth</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Nodding slowly and understanding, it not taking long for her to recognise the burning souls of her brother's eyes she walked away, leaving him still standing at the door, his fingers crumpling away the edges of the paper. It hurt her to see him like that, the foundations of her brother and Khushi's relationship lay on such ruins that even they did not know how to fix it.<br />
<br />
Gathering her pallu she began to slowly make her way downstairs, she'd have to do something before it all ended in burned embers once more.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
He walked back towards her, the papers clutched to his chest then as her gaze met his, sat down.<br />
<br />
"I erm..." Arnav swallowed trying to sort out his haywire thoughts, there was something he had to fix first, there was a mess that he had to pull her out of and pull her out he would. "I have a couple of things that I wanted to go through with you," he finally began, adopting the only composure that was no longer foreign to him.<br />
<br />
She watched on, listening intently as that business tone of his returned, not sure if she was grateful or not that they hadn't both ended up in tears once again. She didn't want him retreating into his own shell again.<br />
<br />
"I figured if you were convinced into thinking that Arshia was..." He struggled with his words, he didn't want to lose himself to the fury that he felt at what the bastard had done, "I mean..." He had to momentarily close his eyes, he would have never wanted to be in her shoes.<br />
<br />
She sent her hand over his then, giving it a gentle squeeze till he looked back up and she nodded, she didn't want to put him through the torture of actually saying it.<br />
<br />
"Then obviously Shyam would have had to employ someone at the hospital," he finally finished off, searching her eyes as she furrowed her brows together, her hold over his hand tightening.<br />
<br />
"Actually, the doctor I first went to meet for a check-up changed after about a month," she began to speak as she recalled the events then. She stood up, still holding Arshia close to her heart then walked over to the window as his gaze followed her.<br />
<br />
"I thought it was a bit odd at the beginning I'm sure, but..." She sighed remembering it all, not wishing that part of her life really existed, "with everything that was going on I didn't think too much into it," she finally mumbled.<br />
<br />
He stood up then and went to stand beside her, taking in the small hand that Arshia extended his way then watched the gentle smile that spread across his little angels face. He took Arshia from her then, passing over the papers that he had held to her as she frowned down at them.<br />
<br />
"I had your reports sent over, is that the name of the first or second doctor?" He asked her as she read and re-read over the document.<br />
<br />
She looked up to him suddenly, her eyes large, "no Arnav, this is Dr Mehta, he was the first doctor, the second one had a different name... What was it?" She began to rack her brain for the answer, she knew it somewhere! "Yes Dr Das! Oh my god Arnav!" She stated, her hand over her mouth as she slid back down onto the bed.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Anjali hobbled over to the phone, their home phone rarely rang and it was usually always only for business calls anyway when it did.<br />
<br />
She picked it up on the fourth ring, already ready to call Arnav over when she recognised the raspy voice on the other end. Prison had probably done that to him, but she still recognised it. She tightened her grip on the receiver, ready to slam it back down when he began to speak.<br />
<br />
"Now there Rani Sahiba, don't you want to listen to what I have to say?" He questioned, keeping his voiced veiled with innocence as deceiving as ever. "I only want to meet you, see your beautiful face once, won't you even give me the pleasure of that?" Her eyes widened, he was in jail! He was supposed to be in jail!<br />
<br />
"Where are you?!" She demanded then.<br />
<br />
He cackled back in return, his manic laugh echoing through her ears, "arrey Rani Sahiba for that you'd have to meet me," he finally stated.<br />
<br />
"Fine!" She gave in, "where do I meet you?"<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
"Khushi?" He finally awakened his voice to ask of her what he had been dreading, it wouldn't be easy for her but there wasn't another way around it. She watched him intently, the varying emotions that flickered through his face.<br />
<br />
"We need to hand this over to a lawyer, well I already have but you need to tell him everything from the beginning," he told her, trying to make out the expressions on her face.<br />
<br />
"Actually Arnav, I know someone that I can completely trust, would it be okay if we hand the case over to him instead?" She said suddenly, taking him completely by surprise.<br />
<br />
"Err... Of course... I mean why not? When can erm..." He wavered with his words till she finished his sentence off for him.<br />
<br />
"He, you used to know him, I don't know if you still remember him," she continued, "Aryan," she finished off. "I can call him right now, then we can tell him together?" She questioned placing her hand atop his as he stared into her eyes for a moment, taking it all in then slowly nodded.<br />
<br />
<i>They say it's what you make</i><br />
<i>I say it's up to fate</i><br />
<i>It's woven in my soul</i><br />
<i>I need to let you go</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Your eyes they shine so bright</i><br />
<i>I want to save that light</i><br />
<i>I can't escape this now</i><br />
<i>Unless you show me how</i><br />
<br />
She knew that nod, that was his I'm not happy but I'll agree anyway nod and just like so many things about Arnav, it was yet another aspect of him that she could just read, it would only take one glance to know. And maybe more than anything else that's what she hated, that despite knowing each other so well they had still brought all of this upon each other.<br />
<br />
It was like one of those tv soaps that never continued its episodes. She hated the fact that he'd do something, take her completely by surprise then walk away and pretend that it never happened, when really they are both aware that it did. And that was the impossibility of it all, that she wanted him to catch her heart and keep it when he never seemed to understand in the first place what she expected of him.<br />
<br />
She watched as he took Arshia's hand then smiled back at her, these were the moments that she could not escape, that she would never be able to walk away from. She watched as Arshia hit his face with her chubby little hands and he gently held them as he laughed, small laugh lines creasing around his eyes. There were only two forms of Arnav that she would never be able to muster enough strength within her to hate, the Arnav that she had first met and fallen head over heels for; the one that had opened his heart, broken down his walls and built them up again around her, never really letting her leave. And the other was undoubtedly the man that sat in front of her now, Arnav the father, she would never be able to hate a man that loved so tenderly and maybe she would always be misfortunate enough to never be on the other end of it.<br />
<br />
They were both watching each other but not completely aware, both lost in their own thoughts. He'd misjudged her once, but he'd always known her, her pure soul and that's what hurt him the most. The fact that he had let such a vile creature like Shyam poison his mind. He could've thought through things, weighed the Khushi he knew over the Khushi he'd been led to hate but it was too late now, he'd done his bit. And now he didn't know how to fix it, how to embrace her and never let her go, how to keep his insecurities from driving him further away. They were so broken and shattered that it seemed even if repairable their cracks would still show. And maybe that's why he didn't have to courage to stay, maybe he wasn't ready to accept that they would never be perfect again and maybe that's why he'd always take the easy route and walk away. And maybe just maybe, above everything he was scared that he'd hurt her all over again.<br />
<br />
<i>When you feel my heat</i><br />
<i>Look into my eyes</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>Don't get too close</i><br />
<i>It's dark inside</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<i>It's where my demons hide</i><br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Anjali stopped Khushi before she swiftly cut out of her way again.<br />
<br />
"Khushi ji!" She shouted, waving her over.<br />
<br />
"Yes di?"<br />
<br />
"Woh actually na Khushi ji, your room is being renovated, along with Arshia's," Anjali began as Khushi frowned, not understanding where this was going.<br />
<br />
Anjali gave her that beaming smile of hers as she continued, "I mean I know it's inconvenient but we didn't know you were coming and it would take months before I could get it fixed again," she continued to ramble on.<br />
<br />
"That's okay di, I'll move into a different room," Khushi cut off, reassuring her.<br />
<br />
Anjali bit her lip, "that's the thing Khushiji, all of the rooms are being renovated except for Chotey's and Nani's. I'm moving into Nani's so..." She trailed off the end of the sentence as Khushi continued to stare back at her with her eyes wide.<br />
<br />
"Erm would it be okay, I mean if it's not then I can get something else sorted, I mean I can postpone of course," she continued as if she was talking to herself until Khushi placed her hands on Anjali's shoulders.<br />
<br />
She smiled at Anjali's confused face, it wasn't as easy as she'd imagined to hate Anjali. She nodded slowly, "I'll move into Arnav's room."<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~ </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>How did we come to this? I never though you'd be someone I have to miss. </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Julia Sheer, You Will Never Be</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Lyrics Credit: Demons by Imagine Dragons</i></b></span></div>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-11704386882113202182013-05-12T07:24:00.000-07:002013-05-12T07:24:05.922-07:00Chapter 15 - Catch Me... Don't Break Me <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';"><b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">I saw the sadness
in your eyes but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t think of anything to say
that would take your pain away so I kept on saying in my head, “I’m sorry, I’m
sorry, I’m sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0cm; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print';"><b><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">- unknown</span></i></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>"I want you to help me Arnav," she finally mumbled as she quickly lifted his head up to look at her, his eyes raw and red, scorching caramel orbs clashing against glazed puddles of hazel.</i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
He watched her for a few seconds, not sure he had heard the right words, his thoughts a mess as words spinned around in his head. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath in, bracing himself to say something, anything but words failed to come to him. He scrunched strands of the carpet in his fingers then looked away.<br />
<br />
She continued to watch him. her own eyes pooling with unshed tears, her insecurities quickly setting in, the door that she had opened beginning to shut of its own accord.<br />
<br />
Gulping back tears and attempting to collect his already scattered thoughts he quickly stood up as Khushi swiftly followed but he didn't glance at her more than once, he needed to get away before she saw his vulnerable side once more and he said or did something that would either hurt him or her.<br />
<br />
She watched his back as he left, his long stride, his gaze trained in the distance, his set jaw, wishing she could take back the words that she had offered.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi fell onto her bed, her weak legs giving way underneath her, the emotional turmoil hitting her in torrents and waves. This is what always happened, he'd let her in then shun her back out again. Just as she'd open his door a crack, he'd push her back a mile. She couldn't deal with this anymore, with him, with Shyam, with the case.<br />
<br />
She looked around suddenly, then remembered she'd left Arshia in her room, she got up to go to her then. She needed to escape her torturous thoughts, of making decisions then regretting them and her little angel was the only way out. The only ounce of oblivion in the dark abyss that was her own mind. Sighing and finally mustering up the courage to get herself up she began to slowly walk out of her room, her footsteps silent, the thumping of her heart echoing in her ears. Why couldn't she ever understand him, why couldn't things ever be normal?<br />
<br />
Her eyes fell on the slither of light then, that seemed to emanate from the distance behind her. She turned around slowly, her tears choking her throat and her vision blurry from gathered tears, her eyes first falling on the glimmering moon that shone through the large french doors and finally falling upon the dark silhouette that stood against it.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
He tried to drown it out, prevent the tears from shedding but he was fighting a rapidly losing battle. His emotions continued to overpower him as he attempted to contain his selfish thoughts at bay. Khushi wasn't wrong, in fact he'd wronged her, so many times in so many ways and now he was just pushing her further away, forcing her to question opinions that she'd formed when in reality he'd lost that right a long time back. It's not like he didn't understand, how difficult it was to come to terms with the fact that he was trying to change but it didn't mean that it lessened the pain. His fingers tightened on the wooden edges of the french doors as he attempted to push away the pain, as it seared through his own body no matter how much he tried to control his faltering mind.<br />
<br />
She walked up behind him slowly, her feet light on the floor as she tried to take in his trembling body. She tried to hold herself together as her mind continued to question the rash decisions of her heart, trying to withhold the battle between herself as she moved further forward to offer solace to the man she couldn't stop falling for, feeling for.<br />
<br />
He wanted to ram his fist through the glass, let the glass shatter and pierce his skin, scrunching his eyes shut he tried to drown out those thoughts. The destructive images that made him the person that she despised, that she would never confide in again. He wanted so desperately to be there for her, this was his doing after all. If just this once, if only she would let him.<br />
<br />
She took a deep breath in, bracing herself for what was to come, still unsure of whether she should or not. She could see it replay over and over again on her mind; his distant expression, blazing caramel orbs that gave everything yet nothing away as he searched hers for answers and then finally the unavoidable, as he'd turned away and walked off, leaving her to drown in her own thoughts once more. But she'd keep giving him chances, because she was like clay and he could always mould her to his liking. "Stop it! Stop it Khushi!" She thought to herself, if she didn't take this, she would forever tell herself off for not doing it, so she finally decided, she would.<br />
<br />
His eyes snapped open, his breath hitching in his throat as he felt her gentle palm fall upon his shoulders, as her fingers familiarised themselves with the curve of his shoulder, her nails scraping against the fabric of his shirt. Time froze around him as he attempted to understand.<br />
<br />
She kept her eyes closed, not knowing what to do next, fearing for his reaction.<br />
<br />
He didn't allow himself to think, let his heart guide him for once. He turned around quickly, his arms all but too familiar to the slender curves of her body.<br />
<br />
Her eyes opened quickly, widening in surprise as his strong body collided into hers, his arms quickly yet gently wrapping around her. Her own arms moved up his back of their own accord as his fingers grasped the thin material of her blouse, as he buried his head into her neck and she felt the first flush of warm tears tinge her skin.<br />
<br />
She grasped him tighter then, her eyes closing of their own accord as one of her hands moved upto his hair, running her fingers softly through it, attempting to hush the trembling body that she now embraced and slow tears began to stream down her own face.<br />
<br />
<i>And tears come streaming down your face</i><br />
<i>When you lose something you can't replace</i><br />
<i>When you love someone, but it goes to waste</i><br />
<i>Could it be worse?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lights will guide you home</i><br />
<i>And ignite your bones</i><br />
<i>And I will try to fix you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
His fingers tightened on her back as his warm tears caressed the gentle expanse of her neck, as their bodies mingled together in a long forgotten embrace. <br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry Khushi! I'm so sorry!"<br />
<br />
There it was, his broken words and she had to tighten her eyes closed as she clung onto him as if for dear life, her nails digging into his back. Her walls were breaking, shattering in front of her and this time she didn't even stop them.<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry!" He kept saying it, he had no other words to offer to her, no other ways of making it up to her. He was breaking apart but he didn't care. He was back in that place again, where his mind lost control of his heart and let it act irrationally yet truthfully, where he didn't hold back. His fingers further tightened on her skin, his body shaking with the torrent of emotions rushing through him, "I'm so sorry," he continued to mumble.<br />
<br />
She continued to hold him in their embrace, her every other fear forgotten, as she pushed his head further into the space of her neck. She wanted to comfort him, it seemed an automatic reaction, there was nothing in the world that she wanted to do more than comfort him.<br />
<br />
"Arnav, shhh, shhh, it's okay," she began to whisper, it was as if she had lost all sense of what was wrong and right. In that moment she wanted to forget everything, forgive him completely. She couldn't find anything within her to oppose her feelings, to just love and comfort him. "Shhh Arnav, it's okay, I'm here, we're okay,"<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry Khushi, I... I don't know, I don't know what else to say, to do. I can't do this anymore Khushi," his voice was broken, a whisper, he couldn't stop himself breaking down and this time he couldn't suppress the feelings that he had for so long. He just wanted to tell her.<br />
<br />
"Arnav, it's okay," she ran her fingers through the waves of his hair, gulping back tears that choked her voice as more sprang to the forefront. "Shhh, baby... Shh, it's okay," she tried to comfort him.<br />
<br />
He crushed her further into himself, letting all of his worries go and break lose, this was torture, he was being selfish but he didn't know what else to do.<br />
<br />
<i>And high up above or down below</i><br />
<i>When you're too in love to let it go</i><br />
<i>But if you never try you'll never know</i><br />
<i>Just what you're worth</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lights will guide you home</i><br />
<i>And ignite your bones</i><br />
<i>And I will try to fix you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"</i>Khushi...."<br />
<br />
"Shhh... Shhhh," she hushed him, pushing him back out of the embrace and cupping his face in her hands, she had to take a deep breath in to prevent herself from unravelling as she stroked her thumbs over the trails of tears on his cheeks, losing herself momentarily in his scorching caramel eyes.<br />
<br />
"Khushi..." He brought his hands to her face, resting his forehead against hers as he tried to hold himself together, but faltered all over again. "Khushi... I can't... I can't imagine a life without you..." He mumbled.<br />
<br />
It was as her heart stopped all of a sudden, she didn't know for how long she had waited for him to say this, to stop her, to tell her that he needed her and now suddenly, at a time when she least expected it, it was all coming out.<br />
<br />
"I know I don't deserve you, for what I've done...." She pushed him back slightly, shaking her head as she tried to stop him but he only continued.<br />
<br />
"No let me, please Khushi, otherwise I'll never be able to say it again and I'll curse myself for it for the rest of my life," he reasoned.<br />
<br />
She slid her hands down to his wrists holding onto them as their gazes met and held, their faces blurred against the array of tears, "Arnav, please just stop, it's okay, we'll fix this," she tried to explain.<br />
<br />
"No it's not okay, I know it's not fair, I know I've wronged you, in so many ways, so many times... But..." He moved her back, letting their gazes clash once more, as he peered into the depth of her hazel orbs. He needed to tell her this time round, if he stopped, he'd probably never be able to forgive himself. He looked down away from her, gathering his thoughts, pushing back his insecurities, she had to know what he felt. "Khushi..." He let their gazes meet once more as she waited with only the echo of her heartbeats pounding through her ears, not even able to draw breaths for fear that she would miss his words.<br />
<br />
"Khushi... I can't live without you.. I love you..." Her eyes widened, he'd said it again and yet again she didn't know how to respond. It was as if time stopped around them, it was only the two of them and the loud beats of their reckless hearts. He moved closer still, his eyes pools of tears, till their noses were almost touching, "... Khushi please don't leave me." His voice faltered with the last words and she couldn't hold it in any longer.<br />
<br />
She cupped his face once again, her nimble fingers caressing his hair and for the first time in years she let her heart guide her as she let her tender lips meet his.<br />
<br />
He didn't know why it felt so right, so natural, as if the years in between had never happened and this was how they had always been. He was back at that day years ago, when she'd done the same and the chaos in his life had given way to the bubble of happiness that she existed in. His lips moves against hers of heir own accord, his fingers trailing through her hair, his other hand entwined against her waist, holding her closer still.<br />
<br />
She was sure she could feel the drizzle of that wet summer day when they had first kissed, when he had broken down his walls for the vey first time. And their tears mingled together as their warms breaths collided against each other as the sky outside darkened and the rain drenched the ground in a deafening downpour against the silhouette of the shimmering moon.<br />
<br />
<i>Lights will guide you home</i><br />
<i>And ignite your bone</i><br />
<i>And I will try to fix you...</i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>~</b></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind. </b></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>- Caroline Myss</b></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>~</b></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-57321350968928848242013-03-19T05:55:00.003-07:002013-03-19T05:56:24.461-07:00Important Note<br />
Hi guys!<br />
<br />
Okay, so firstly I want to apologise for all of the really late updates. Uni has been extremely hectic lately, I'm a med student and we are usually in most days from 9-5 and on top of that I've really been lagging behind with my notes this year.<br />
<br />
So *deep breaths* *don't throw chappals and tamatars at me* I am putting all of my FFs on hold till the 27th of April (which is when I finish my exams).<br />
<br />
So till then, I'm extremely sorry but as you will all hopefully understand, as much as I would love to continue to update, my mind right now is completely occupied with the amount of work that I have to get through.<br />
<br />
Now once I come back, there will be slight changes.<br />
<br />
1. Paper Roses will probably be moved to its blog.<br />
The reason for this is, I have recently found out that derogatory language like "f***" and "s***" can only be used once in an update. The language is part of the characters so in order that I not compromise this, it will be taken off and left on its blog.<br />
Don't worry though, as with SOSD I don't make my blogs private so if you don't already have the link, you'll just have to PM me for it.<br />
<br />
2. The ASR-KKG Files will have updates again. I've neglected this FF for months now, so yes it'll finally begin to get updates.<br />
<br />
3. SOSD is nearing it's end ;). I have it all planned out and it will end in *fingers crossed* exactly 50 chapters.<br />
<br />
4.... But no worries, for those of you that have stood by SOSD thank you so much! And for all of the new readers that have found out about it, God knows how :P. Thank you to you too! SOSD is extremely close to my heart so there will be a sequel of sorts to it *does a little dance*. Sequel because Arundathi will be there ;) (Shinja! ;)) but the characters will be darker, or lighter, there will only be two that will be in the middle ;). It will be more intense. So don't worry you won't be left hanging ;) xx<br />
<br />
Okay so that's about it I guess. I am going to attempt a WTP update before I stop updating till the 27th... But it's proving extremely difficult so no guarantees!<br />
<br />
Thank you for being patient with me and hopefully you guys won't abandon me and will remain my lovely readers when I come back too! :) xxxBeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-68962277111273273202013-02-01T11:05:00.000-08:002013-02-01T11:29:49.762-08:00Chapter 14 - I Will Come For You<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6QSyVluhHzkY6KGmwGXbLYNIzq4IAEwU39APVII6VJFZHwA1zGidv5FEJ9M00cpBLIKcHy1Z58IPZyKZiw8phrtAmaeTQNqE2AOSZVMWYm7OKthZcHaMpij1b7q3IWx2koX8jvgFF_oY/s1600/Together+At+Last.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6QSyVluhHzkY6KGmwGXbLYNIzq4IAEwU39APVII6VJFZHwA1zGidv5FEJ9M00cpBLIKcHy1Z58IPZyKZiw8phrtAmaeTQNqE2AOSZVMWYm7OKthZcHaMpij1b7q3IWx2koX8jvgFF_oY/s320/Together+At+Last.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I will come for you. Roll my strength into a ball for you. Throw myself across chance for you. I will be the bridge or the pulley because you are the dream.</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Jeanette Winterson, The World and Other Places</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
She managed to awaken herself from that lost state where her coherent thoughts where lost in a heap somewhere. She looked up towards him, his frozen features and felt herself losing all sense of control.<br />
<br />
"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada you are under arrest on the charges of accessory to kidnap of Arshia Singh Raizada," the officers words rang through her mind and she began to furiously shake her head, tears flowing out of her eyes.<br />
<br />
She tried to break away from the police officers grasp, she grabbed his arm, shaking it as she screamed, "no! NO! Arnav you know this isn't true! You know I would never! I didn't even know that she was alive!" But he would not move, he seemed frozen to the spot, his eyes distant. "Please!" She begged the woman that was now sending handcuffs around her wrists, "please she's my child why would I do that to my child?" She reasoned but to no avail. They dragged her out of the doorway as she continued to look back at him but to garner no response from his stone set eyes. <br />
<br />
"Chotey! Chotey!" Anjali screamed just then running towards him with Arshia in her arms. "Chotey!" She tried again but he didn't seem to be capable of moving, she heard an engine roar to life, muffled screams and her eyes widened in horror. Where was Khushi?<br />
<br />
"Chotey!" She screamed again, quickly moving towards him and shaking him by the shoulder but she couldn't snap him out of his state.<br />
<br />
His heart was pounding away in his chest, a face, words, visions, the past, all flashing through his mind in riveting snippets. He seemed lost somewhere, falling through an expanse of memories and nightmares that he didn't know how to escape from. He couldn't bring his limbs to move.<br />
<br />
<i>Mamma! Mamma! Please!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He remembered screams, a lifeless body, his short comings.<br />
<br />
<i>Khushi! Khushi!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Then Khushi, her body limp on the floor.<br />
<br />
He stilled suddenly, feeling this strange feeling of warmth seep through his fingers, breaking him out of his torturous memories.<br />
<br />
"Pappa," he heard the gentle words as if it was a softly whispered kiss. He felt blood rush back into his veins then felt his body going cold once again as dread filled him completely. It was as if he had been sucked into a black hole then churned back out again. His throat felt parched, dry and he was sure he was suffocating from the inside. "Khushi..." It was an uttered whisper as the events of the present finally came back to him.<br />
<br />
"Chotey!" Anjali shook him again, her brows furrowed in anger but to no avail. Fear engulfed him completely as he strode out as if in a daze then broke into a run.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
"No please, I didn't, I wouldn't!" She exclaimed as the woman pulled her further into the twisted confines of the jail. "How can you say this, you have no evidence!" Khushi screamed, her sobs had subsided to fury. Rage scorched through every vein in her body. Why did her fate do this to her time and time again, just when she had decided on giving in and letting go of the past, of forgiving him it had spat this on her face.<br />
<br />
She attempted to claw herself away from the woman, her wrists struggling and cutting off of the ragged cold edges of the cuffs but she did not feel the pain, only anger and hatred. She hated him! Hated him for doing this to her, for making her believe then throwing her on the ground and walking all over her. She hated herself for being putty in his hands, like a mindless puppet that fell for him everytime. She'd make her heart agree to her thoughts then fail all over again. She should have taken Arshia and left.<br />
<br />
She couldn't get it out of her mind, his betrayal to the love that she always offered his way. She couldn't forget it, his cold gaze, his frozen features, how he refused to respond to her cries, how he had ignored her as she begged him to listen to him.<br />
<br />
Angry tears spurted out of her blood red eyes as she struggled.<br />
<br />
"If you know any better you would stop this and listen to what we are saying," the woman threatened as Khushi stopped for a second and stared at her with wide eyes, undiluted fury pouring out of every pore in her body. <br />
<br />
"How dare you accuse me of having a hand in kidnapping my own daughter?!" She screamed then, refusing to let her be pulled an inch from where she was standing.<br />
<br />
"Mrs Raizada!" The police officer warned, "if you don't abide to the rules you will be in even bigger a mess than you already are, disgusting women like you don't even deserve to have children!" She remarked, mocking her furthermore.<br />
<br />
"Excuse me?! How dare you? Firstly it's MISS Gupta and secondly I have not done any such thing! You keep your mouth shut before I sue you for inappropriate behaviour!" She exclaimed, her eyes level with the womans, refusing to back down.<br />
<br />
She lunged forward suddenly, grabbing Khushi by the neck, her nails digging into her soft flesh as Khushi winced back in pain yet refused to lower her gaze, seething with anger.<br />
<br />
She thrust her back suddenly, causing Khushi to fumble against her steps before she regained her balance and took a threatening step towards the hideous woman. She was going to end this here, she'd had enough of being bullied around and being taken for emotional rides and this police woman had caught her at the wrong time. Her nostrils flared with anger, her hair in a messy array around her face. <br />
<br />
Another woman grabbed her from behind then, grasping her arms in a tight, painful grip, restraining her back as the other woman took a step towards her, raising her arm, her hand ready to land upon Khushi's face with a smack when a large masculine hand suddenly stopped it mid-air.<br />
<br />
Khushi's chest heaved as adrenaline pumped through her veins and she scrunched her eyes shut, turning her face to the side reflexively awaiting the blow. She waited for what felt like hours, her whole body numb.<br />
<br />
The woman's eyes clashed with his blazing caramel orbs, alight with fury that seemed to radiate from every inch of him, the muscles of his face trembling, his nostrils flaring, his jaw set in anger. His grasp tightened around her arm, enough to break bone as he flung it away from Khushi. She opened her mouth to speak but he cut in before her.<br />
<br />
"HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR HAND ON MY WIFE?!" He exclaimed even causing the woman to take a few steps back.<br />
<br />
She heard him almost as if he was speaking from a far away place as she began to open her eyes slowly, quickly feeling the strong hold on her arms loosen.<br />
<br />
"Aparna! Unlock her handcuffs she's been granted bail!" The chief in charge walked over just then, immediately attempting to ease away the commotion.<br />
<br />
Aparna watched him incredulously for a moment, "but sir, she threatened me," she tried to cut in.<br />
<br />
"Aparna just do as I say," he stated calmly, his decision final. Aparna's eyes flickered between the furious man with the chiselled handsome features that had entered and threatened her further and the adamant woman that had been ready to fight tooth and nail till she was released. Fuming she slowly walked over, taking the large key-ring from around her waist.<br />
<br />
Khushi felt her heart stop, stutter and start back up for a second as her gaze fell upon his furious face. He was looking away from her, his caramel orbs rusted with anger, even sending a chill down her own spine. She'd almost forgotten that there was this side to him, she'd almost forgotten the destroying raw anger he was capable of but she couldn't stop the words that rang through her ears.<br />
<br />
<i>How dare you raise your hand on my wife?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She didn't know what to do at that moment, she was so sure she hated him and maybe she did, for sending her on a rollercoaster of emotions then breaking them apart and making her rearrange her thoughts. She hated him. She didn't know whether to cry or to laugh, she felt weak suddenly, as if her body would give way.<br />
<br />
"Mr Raizada obviously your wife has been granted bail but the case is still being dealt with and this I'm afraid will not be the end of it," the officer in charge explained to Arnav as he nodded back in return. His gaze was still fixed on Aparna, causing her to crouch away from his steely gaze. He had to use every brink of control that he could afford to prevent himself from lashing out at the woman for laying so much as a finger on his Khushi. The tortured thoughts of what could have happened if he hadn't broken out of his reverie and gotten here began to fill him with guilt all over again.<br />
<br />
Khushi gulped several times, attempting to keep her angry, hurt tears at bay as she rubbed at the marks and tears the handcuffs had created. Her normally porcelain like skin was tinged with blue and purple in places, dark red in others, all adorned with ragged cuts that stung.<br />
<br />
His gaze fell to her haggard face, her cheeks stained with tears and then her hands as she rubbed at her wrists and what he saw caused him to wince in pain. This was all his fault, everything, she was hurting because of him. He didn't deserve her, didn't deserve the perfect family that he desired because a person that let the woman he loved be hurt like that was not a person that deserved love.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>In my place, in my place</i><br />
<i>Were lines that I couldn't change</i><br />
<i>I was lost, oh yeah</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I was lost, I was lost</i><br />
<i>Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed</i><br />
<i>I was lost, oh yeah</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Yeah how long must you wait for him?</i><br />
<i>Yeah, how long must you pay for him?</i><br />
<i>Yeah, how long must you wait for him?</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Throwing one last glance at Aparna and shaking the chief's hand he slowly paced over and stood next to Khushi, his hands stuffed into his pockets. He kept his tortured gaze away from her, for if he did attempt another look his control may have snapped. "Shall we leave?"<br />
<br />
Her head snapped up towards him as she appraised the agony that seemed to be etched over his face. Why was he sending her on a cascade of emotions? She noticed that it was neither a command nor a threatening question but a gently laid out request. She couldn't grasp how to react in front of this changed man.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She smiled down at her little girl as Arshia took a rattle, studied the vibrant streaks of colours on it then flung it to a far corner of her room. A slow smile spread on Khushi's face, her every worry subsiding even for a second as Arshia clapped her hands together in glee, clearly proud of her efforts and commenced on digging out a new toy from the bag in front of her.<br />
<br />
She was lost in a haze of thoughts and every time she even got remotely close to thinking about them bile would rise up her throat. She could feel the weakness, the fear, the impending doom in every bone of her body. She didn't know where this was heading but she knew that the storm had only started, that this would continue until one of them was sacrificed.<br />
<br />
She soothed the base of her neck, swallowing hard, she needed strength, needed a lifeline. She needed to speak to someone, to lay her emotions and fears bare. She could feel herself suffocating, her thoughts scattering and fighting off of each other in her own mind. And not for the first time she felt all alone again, she saw herself at the beginning of her journey after she'd thought she'd lost Arshia.<br />
<br />
She could see herself now, with her suitcase in hand, shivering as she stood behind Lavanya unlocking the door to her apartment. She rolled time forward in her mind; cold dark grey streets lined with grey buildings, the feel of rain as large drops splattered on her skin. She remembered the sting of the cold wind, her cheeks red, the shivers that ran down her. She remembered discovering herself all over again in Aberdeen, learning to live with the broken pieces.<br />
<br />
She was back there again, in a place where there was no one to call her own.<br />
<br />
She didn't want to trust him, to have faith in him only to watch it crumble down again. She shut her eyes, attempting to drown out his voice that still continued to reverberate within her ears. She didn't want to let him in only for him to shut her out again. She'd probably forgiven him but she wasn't sure if she would ever have the strength to give him a second chance.<br />
<br />
He stood at the doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest, leaning against the doorframe. A thousand thoughts clashed against one another in his mind, each one contradicting the next. He didn't know how long he'd been there for, when he'd first stopped at the doorway, to be drawn into what lay before him now. This was his bubble, this was what he had vowed to protect and he wanted to. He wanted to fight for her, to face whatever may come their way with her. But he could see the void becoming bigger, the spaces stretching at their seams. He hadn't reacted on time and she'd misunderstood him once again, she'd thought he hadn't trusted her.<br />
<br />
But if he was being honest with himself he didn't care for her future decisions anymore. If she stayed or if she left, whether she would take Arshia with her or not was insignificant, he finally decided. What mattered to him now was their happiness, what mattered was that he pay for his mistakes and if the price he'd have to pay for that was that of losing her, then be it. Sighing loudly he finally walked in.<br />
<br />
<i>I was scared, I was scared</i><br />
<i>Tired and unprepared</i><br />
<i>But I wait for you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>If you go, if you go</i><br />
<i>Leaving me down here on my own</i><br />
<i>Well I wait for you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She turned around slowly on hearing his footsteps, too scared that her erratic heartbeats would give away the feelings that she nurtured only in the deep depths of her heart.<br />
<br />
He sat himself down, keeping his distance, ruffling Arshia's hair before he smiled down at her. Taking a deep breath in, he finally gathered the strength to look at Khushi, his eyes clashing with hers instantly.<br />
<br />
She looked away quickly, breaking eye contact. She just wanted to leave.<br />
<br />
He noticed that, the reluctance, the hurt in her eyes, in her actions and it pained him. It hurt him to see the distance that only grew, the words that seized to flow between them. "Look Khushi," he finally began.<br />
<br />
"I can solve this on my own," she cut him off, her words were harsh but there was a numb edge to her voice. She clutched the sheet in her hands as she willed the strength to argue with him within her.<br />
<br />
"You can't, Khushi," he gulped attempting to get his words out right, "I mean..."<br />
<br />
"There is nothing that I want from you Arnav. This is my battle and I will fight it!" She finally stated, her anger getting the better of her as she turned back around to look at him directly.<br />
<br />
He moved forward then, grabbing her wrist in his hand and she winched in pain, attempting to yank it away.<br />
<br />
He scrunched his eyes shut for a second, his grasp on her loosening instantly, then clenching his fists at his sides stood up and faced away from her. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, not sure he could look back at her.<br />
<br />
She watched him for a second, completely dumbfounded, she didn't understand him anymore.<br />
<br />
"I... I just want to help," he began again, his otherwise strong voice broken in places.<br />
<br />
"Well I don't need it," she cut him off icily, she didn't want to make herself vulnerable again.<br />
<br />
Taking a deep breath in and bracing himself he turned around and walked back towards her, this time sitting himself down right next to her. She moved back a little, taken aback by this sudden gesture of his. He appraised her features carefully for a second before beginning, gulping back his every fear in order to just put his thoughts forward this time.<br />
<br />
"Arnav I don't need your help," she cut him off suddenly as he opened his mouth to speak. His words would only make her weak.<br />
<br />
He reached out slowly this time, his eyes holding her relenting gaze as he slowly intertwined his fingers through hers. Her eyes widened as she tried to break away from his hold, shocked at the sheer gentleness of it. He moved closer till she had to move back in order to keep the distance, he moved their hands, still encased in his hold towards him as she continued to stare at him completely take aback.<br />
<br />
"Khushi," his soft husky voice, the tenderness with which he held her hand, she couldn't take it, she looked away.<br />
<br />
"Khushi, I know you don't want to trust me, I know I've hurt you and I know that this is all my fault," she looked back towards him then, his words taking her by surprise, tears involuntarily gathering at the edges of her eyes.<br />
<br />
He looked away, unable to hold her gaze, his guilt taking over, "but I want a chance to pay back for my mistakes, I want to make this wrong of mines right. Khushi, this has to do with Shyam, I know he's in jail but he's got his ways and you can't overcome that on your own," he finally looked back towards her. "I pushed you into this mess, so you have to let me fix it."<br />
<br />
The sincerity in his eyes, the calm manner in which he had uttered each and every word left her speechless, she didn't know how to reply. But she could feel it again, she was giving him an advantage, she was letting him play with her again. She shook her head slowly, as if she was willing her own self to say no.<br />
<br />
His grasp on her hand tightened then, willing her to look up at him. "Please Khushi," his voice was a pleading whisper and she could feel her heart melt in her chest, bit by bit. "Please Khushi just give me a chance to fix this, just trust me this once and I promise to not let you down."<br />
<br />
She took a deep breath in trying to calm her frantic heart beats, "please Arnav don't push me," she mumbled, she didn't have the strength to shout at him.<br />
<br />
He pulled on her hand again, making her look up at him, his caramel orbs scorching into the depths of her, "I will push you, because you can't do this alone," this time it was a statement, he was quickly losing his patience.<br />
<br />
She pulled her hand away from him, growling back, "just leave me alone Arnav! I can and I will! I've lived for so many years without you! I can live the rest just fine!" She exclaimed then stood up and walked away. He walked after her, catching up with her quickly then spun her around. His fingers tightened on her elbow as he sent it to her back then brought her closer to him.<br />
<br />
"Why don't you understand? Why can't you see that all of this is bigger than your stubbornness?!" He shouted through gritted teeth as she stared at him with wide eyes. This is why she refused to give him a chance, because she didn't know him, couldn't understand the varying changes to him.<br />
<br />
"Let go of me Arnav!" She tried to break away from him, "you can't fix things! You will never be a person that can fix things! You only know how to break! And I'm not willing to make that same mistake again!" She screamed back at him struggling against his grip when he suddenly let go.<br />
<br />
The sting of her words burned through his every vein, bringing with it a new kind of numbing pain. She brought her arm forward, rubbing at her elbow, just needing him to leave. She opened her mouth to say more, he was driving her crazy, his varying emotions were taking a toll on her already fragile state of mind. But before she could say anymore he had already begun to walk out, his shoulders hunched, his gaze distant and she tried to remember all that she had said, her words coming back to her in waves of guilt.<br />
<br />
He sauntered away, not even sure of where he was going. The damage he had made to their relationship was beyond repair, she only saw him as a person that could break, she would never seem him as a person that could mend.<br />
<br />
He wanted to hurt himself at that moment, to give back to himself every little pain that he had inflicted upon her. He stormed into his room, then grabbing a vase aimed it at the floor, his fingers tightened on the neck of it as he froze.<br />
<br />
<i>You will never be a person that can fix things!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>You only know how to break!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Her words echoed through his mind once more and he slowly uncurled his fingers, letting the small vase slide over them, then fall to the ground with a muffled thump. His knees gave way beneath him as he fell to the floor. He leaned his back against the bed as he finally brought his hands to his face. He was sick of trying to convince her, he was sick of a past he could not change and a future that offered no chances.<br />
<br />
She walked up to his room slowly, her every word playing over and over again on her mind. She hadn't meant any of that, she didn't think that he was only capable of breaking, it had just come out, she had been angry, he had pushed her. She could sense him giving up, his strength breaking every time she fought against him. And somewhere in the edge of her heart she didn't want him to give up, she didn't want him to give up on her, on Arshia. Somewhere deep inside she wanted him to win her over.<br />
<br />
She stopped suddenly at his doorway, completely taken aback by the sight in front of her, it was almost as if she was frozen to the spot. She couldn't hold it in her any longer, she couldn't cope with seeing him like this. It occurred to her then that all she wanted, just like him, was their old life back, that all she wanted was him. She broke into a run, stopping mere centimeters before him before she too fell to the ground. She watched him for a few seconds, his unmoving limbs as he sat with his face buried in his hands, as if he carried the whole worlds weight on his shoulders.<br />
<br />
She finally forced her dry throat to react as she spoke, "I want you to help me Arnav," she finally mumbled as she quickly lifted his head up to look at her, his eyes raw and red, scorching caramel orbs clashing against glazed puddles of hazel.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>In my place, in my place</i><br />
<i>Where lines that I couldn't change</i><br />
<i>I was lost, oh yeah</i><br />
<i>Oh yeah</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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~</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><b>I loved him in a way that you can only really do the first time round. It's the kind of love that doesn't know better and doesn't want to - it's dizzy and foolish and fierce. That kind of love is really a one-time only thing. </b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><b>- Jenny Han, Always Have Summer</b></i></span></div>
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<br />BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-72335401212579349172013-01-17T17:00:00.000-08:002013-01-18T00:16:13.460-08:00Chapter 13 - To See His Soul<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: magenta;"><b><i>I'm extremely sorry for this very very late update.. Life has been hectic :( xx</i></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2oVhw8nw72AgNpEqR2iRe6RsPEzQlbQGotLafh24JlEdL0Vg_BmhDOr8kZqBzw4Gd1y5qCWLju_cg94O8km9Z7RxTR-JhkeJog0uleIsCSIVsXar3z00xvbeaVRlYksct4QSViIo0KRw/s1600/Open+Up+My+Heart!.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2oVhw8nw72AgNpEqR2iRe6RsPEzQlbQGotLafh24JlEdL0Vg_BmhDOr8kZqBzw4Gd1y5qCWLju_cg94O8km9Z7RxTR-JhkeJog0uleIsCSIVsXar3z00xvbeaVRlYksct4QSViIo0KRw/s320/Open+Up+My+Heart!.JPG" width="317" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I spend my time watching, the spaces that had grown between us.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Keep Your Head Up, Ben Howard</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
He paced around his room for what felt like the millionth time that morning. He wanted desperately to go to Khushi's room and ask her more, to thank her for deciding to stay, to tell her all that he felt, to ask for her forgiveness, to make amends. He scrunched his eyes shut then fell onto the recliner, leaning his head back on the velvet fabric of it. He brought his fingers to his temples and rubbed at them, attempting to escape from the throbbing, the dull ache of too many questions and too little words, the tangle of emotions that he couldn't escape.<br />
<br />
It felt like a dream, so unreal in its essence, she'd said she would stay and he didn't even know for how long and he didn't want to ask for fear that there would be a limit, for fear that it would all break and disintegrate in a few more seconds and he'd be left once again with the broken off pieces.<br />
<br />
He remembered his confession, for the second time in the wrong way. Why couldn't he just be gentle with her? Why couldn't things ever be right with them, flow in perfect sync and hit high notes? Why were they always reduced to misunderstandings and petty words and feelings that would forever be caged in the confines of them?<br />
<br />
But he would have to fix things he finally decided, he would have to for Arshia. He couldn't take from her the perfect family, maybe he was asking too much, expecting too much of her but he couldn't not try, his half formed words and his rash decisions had driven her away once and he couldn't risk it a second time.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi looked up from Arshia as she sucked on her little milk bottle to the knock on the door. She tried to smile back on seeing Anjali's smiling face but it did not quite reach her eyes, she was still bitter and a small part of her still blamed Anjali but she would have to move on from it. She had decided to stay after all.<br />
<br />
"Khushiji?" She smiled walking in, it did not escape Anjali the momentary distaste that flickered through Khushi's features but she ignored it. It wasn't in her to make amends for what had happened because that wasn't her place, she knew that Khushi probably still held her responsible even if to a small extent to what had happened and she didn't blame her. Such was Arnav's nature and Khushi would realise in her own time that Arnav had forced her to marry him not to protect his di but because he had thought that she had been cheating on him.<br />
<br />
"Khushiji woh... I just wanted to ask if you'd like your breakfast up here or downstairs since you didn't come down yesterday," she finally spoke and waited for a reply, admiring the instant bond that had been created between the mother and daughter.<br />
<br />
Khushi gulped, things were moving more rapidly than she had imagine and suddenly she felt herself loosing pace, she took a deep breath in. For a while now she had only known to plow forward, forget and keep going because memories held you back. But the day Arnav had returned that had seized and she knew in that moment that she would have to go back to that. She had made a decision and she wanted to stick to it, she wanted to be there for Arshia, watch her through her milestone, admire her in ways only a mother could do and for that she would have to keep at it, to ignore and forget. Blinking several times she finally replied, "yes Di I'll come down," she smiled another smile that did not quite reach her eyes, only letting her gaze meet with Anjali's for a split second, "you go ahead I'll join you."<br />
<br />
Nodding back Anjali finally walked out of the room, she saw the void that lay between the two, she knew of the regret in Arnav and the determination in Khushi's eyes and she knew that she would have to be the one to bring them together just like she had been the reason for them to have torn apart.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She fell into the second chair from the top, pulling it in then regretted it the next second, she had to close her eyes to stop those memories from assaulting her. Her fingers tightened on the edges of the chair, almost clawing away at the fabric, how was she to start anew in a place that was so familiar, in a place that had brought to her only pain?<br />
<br />
Then as if remembering something she snapped her eyes open, letting her gaze travel to all corners of the room as she brought her hands up and fidgeted with them till the food was served, her eyes only for him.<br />
<br />
Anjali quickly took in Khushi's torn features, the tears that remained on the brink of falling then her searching eyes. A slight smile spread across her lips then; it wasn't difficult to understand the feelings that Khushi still held for Arnav.<br />
<br />
Not wanting to upset her further and wanting to involve her as much as possible in Arshia's life Anjali finally decided to kick-start her plan.<br />
<br />
"Om Prakash," she called out finally, she wanted to calm Khushi down, she knew Khushi was wondering as to where Arnav was but her brother had stopped coming to the dining table a long time ago, it was as if he no longer took part in anything that took him out of the confines of the bubble he had created for himself and Arshia. "Om Prakash did you send food up for Chotey? Has he eaten?" She questioned even taking Om Prakash by surprise. Food was always sent upto Arnav's room and Anjali was all but too aware that he only had breakfast on the rare occasions. But it had awakened the desired response in Khushi. Her head snapped up instantly and she wasn't sure of how she felt about that.<br />
<br />
"Ji I sent it up but as usual he only had an apple and told me to take the rest back," Om Prakash quickly replied then rushed off.<br />
<br />
Khushi let her gaze fall, she was slowly piecing parts of his life together and she didn't know what to think of what he was doing to himself. He looked older than his years and he didn't seem to sleep much and now she understood that he didn't have much breakfast. Why was he doing this to himself?<br />
<br />
<i>Because I love you damn it</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Why couldn't she escape his words even if they had been screamed out in anger? Always his temper, his rash decisions, why couldn't he just change?<br />
<br />
Realising Khushi's restlessness Anjali spoke again, "Khushiji, Arshia has an appointment today," she began as their gazes met once more, Khushi's eyes widened and worry etched in the features of her face.<br />
<br />
Anjali shook her head slowly, blinking several times, "no no there's nothing wrong, it's just a regular monthly check-up, since she was pre-term they continue them for a bit longer," she reassured Khushi, watching the blood drain back into her face as she breathed a sigh of relief.<br />
<br />
"I think," she attempted to correct herself before she continued, pursing her lips and thinking of the best way to put it forward, "I'm sorry I don't mean to interfere," she added in for caution, "but maybe you could go with Chotey and get a glimpse into her history... I mean," she struggled with her words.<br />
<br />
Nodding Khushi finally cut in, "yes Di I'll go with him," she finally smiled, she didn't miss out on the fact that Anjali was trying to make amends and maybe she could forgive her... Someday.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
"Yes Aman that's fine, just get the reports ready and send them over, I'll have a look."<br />
<br />
He was in deep conversation when she finally arrived at his door and she felt herself falling back into the dark abyss of her memories again.<br />
<br />
"I won't be attending today... No... Arshia... Yes... Okay Aman," he sensed her at the door, he would never not recognise the reckless increase in the beats of his heart, how he could just feel her presence even now. He turned his head around slowly, caramel orbs clashing against soft hazel for a fraction of a second before she lowered her eyes. "Aman I'll call you later," he quickly muttered then began to walk towards her.<br />
<br />
She couldn't help but look up towards him once more, since when had he began to prioritise her?<br />
<br />
<i>I'm trying to fix things</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She closed her eyes, she couldn't do this, maybe she shouldn't have stayed.<br />
<br />
He was sure he could read the discomfort in her actions and he immediately retreated a step back, he didn't want her to feel that way, he feared that she would leave him again, that he would lose her again.<br />
<br />
He waited for her to open her eyes, not even questioning why she had turned up at his door, his patience at another level that he only now seemed to reserve for Khushi and Arshia as he fiddled with his phone.<br />
<br />
She opened her eyes slowly, having them immediately clash with his melted chocolate ones, it was still unnerving, the fact that they were able to converse, look eye to eye, she couldn't place the last time they had had this familiarity before she had packed up and left. Taking a deep breath in she finally began, it was still difficult for her to have a conversation with him, it was almost as if this was all new to her and in a way it wasn't even right.<br />
<br />
"Erm... Actually... Anjali di said Arshia had an erm appointment today," she spoke with her eyes downcast there was just something in his gaze that seemed to penetrate to the core of her soul and she didn't want that, for fear that that would give too much away.<br />
<br />
The smallest of smiles tugged at his lips as he nodded slowly, "yeh I was actually going to come ask you if you wanted to come after I was done," he stated, he wanted to say more but didn't know what to say. They both stood there for a few seconds, not really saying much, both their hearts pounding away to reckless rhythms. His eyes flickered left right and center as he racked his mind for words and she kept her gaze to the floor, her breaths heavy as she waited for him to continue.<br />
<br />
"Erm so ..." He finally began again as her eyes came up to meet his, "if you want to get ready I'll get Arshia ready?" He posed it as a question, he wanted her to always feel like she was an integral part of Arshia's life.<br />
<br />
She nodded slowly, smiling ever so slightly then slowly turned around and walked out.<br />
<br />
He watched her back, the grace in her step, the small swish of her hair as she moved. Somehow even in the midst of all the awkwardness, the anguish, the realisation that he may never have a normal relationship with her he felt weightless. He felt as if this large heavy cloud that had hung over his head for so long had floated away. But more than anything he feared that it would resurface, that he would open his eyes one day and it will have all disappeared.<br />
<br />
<i>Your love's a gathered storm I chased across the sky</i><br />
<i>A moment in your arms became the reason why</i><br />
<i>And you're still the only light that fills the emptiness</i><br />
<i>The only one I need until my dying breath</i><br />
<i>And I would give you everything just to </i><br />
<i>feel your open arms</i><br />
<i>And I'm not sure I believe anything I feel</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And now, now that you're near</i><br />
<i>There's nothing more without you</i><br />
<i>Without you here</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>****</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"</i>Roy I'm not sure you understand," Shyam spoke through gritted teeth, his every syllable uttered with menace. "It is not an option! This is my command! I want out of here! Now, tomorrow... By the end of this week! I want out! Otherwise I will employ other means and things will turn ugly!" He finally threatened, aiming a pointed finger at Roy.<br />
<br />
Arnav Singh Raizada didn't even have a clue of what was going to hit him and this time Shyam would make sure that the man would be left with only emptiness and self-loathing in his life.<br />
<br />
Roy gulped, sure he could almost taste the impending doom as anger flared in Shyam's dark ebony eyes.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She finally fell into a cool metal chair, even missing the otherwise discomfort to it as she leaned her head back against the wall, slowly closing her eyes. Khushi felt emotionally and physically drained, as if she had returned from running a marathon. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this tired, this spent. Her shoulders felt heavy, burdened with too many truths and transparent lies, chocolate brown eyes and giggles in the night, incomprehensible apologies and the glimpses of a man she may have once known. She didn't know what she wanted anymore; to escape or to stay, there was a sodden beauty in her messed up present and she couldn't prevent that nagging thought of hers from coming through to the forefront, that all may not be lost that there was still hope. But she wasn't sure if she wanted that hope.<br />
<br />
He quietly sat near her just as a loud sigh escaped her. As much as he wanted to touch her, to feel her soft skin underneath his fingers, feel her hazel orbs search his eyes with something other than pain and anger, to know her again, know that she loved him again he kept his distance.<br />
<br />
She sensed him as soon as he had arrived, her erratic heartbeats always giving him away and she didn't know whether to open her eyes and acknowledge him or to keep them shut and shun him away. She couldn't help but realise that he may just have changed back into the man that she had fallen for all of those years ago; the man that understood, that listened, that cared. Amidst the anger, the hatred, the pain, she had forgotten who he had at first been, she had forgotten that he had been capable of love.<br />
<br />
She remembered his pathetic jokes, his crooked smile, his signature smirk, how his eyes would alight in different shades of brown with his varying emotions. She remembered their first kiss, bathed in drizzled rain, his warm lips against her own, the blaze of fingers as they ran through her hair. She remembered soft spoken whispers, lips brushing against her ears, a man who had waited for too many years for a woman that had left him without a word and she didn't know what to make of him anymore.<br />
<br />
Her fingers tightened on the edges of the metal chair, it's cold surface soothing in a sense. Her mind whirred in and out of further situations that she could not comprehend.<br />
<br />
He could have decided upon so many things that would have changed their fate, Arshia's fate in so many different ways but he hadn't. He could have not saved Arshia, not brought her up alone, not come looking for Khushi, not told her of Arshia but he hadn't and she didn't know whether to be grateful or further angry. It was difficult to distinguish between the ruthless man that she had left and the guilt filled one that now existed, she was drowning in the midst of the battle that existed between her own mind and heart.<br />
<br />
He waited for a few minutes, not too sure of how to calm the storm that continued to rage through his mind, sure that his own insecurities will once again soon get the better of him. He scrunched his eyes shut for a fraction of a second then giving up with the idea of attempting a conversation, carefully placed the coffee he had brought on the chair next to her and stood up to leave.<br />
<br />
She sensed him get up immediately and her eyes flew open, she didn't want him to leave, it was as if her next actions required no thought, it was impulsive and automatic and maybe somewhere deep inside she was happy about that.<br />
<br />
"Arnav," her voice came out quiet but she noticed how he stilled in response.<br />
<br />
He felt his breath hitch in his throat, his every muscle tense in reaction as he came to an abrupt halt.<br />
<br />
Taking a deep breath in she began, she didn't know what had kicked it off but she felt she had an obligation to continue what she had started. Standing up slowly she waited for a few seconds, expecting him to turn around but he didn't.<br />
<br />
"Erm... Will Arshia... Be alright?" Her voice was timid, almost muffled underneath her stifling emotions. There that sounded normal didn't it? She was asking about Arshia, nothing more. She hoped he didn't catch onto the feelings that were resurfacing within her for him.<br />
<br />
He turned around and strode over to her, a sudden urgency to his steps as he finally came and stood in front of her, his brows furrowed together in worry. He wanted to place his hand on her shoulder, push her chin up with his other hand, look into her eyes and promise her that everything would be okay, that everything already was but he resisted that urge. Clenching his hands into fists at his sides, he kept his gaze on her searching eyes, "of course Khushi, she's fine, it's just a routine check. Some premature children are like that, they take their time to catch up with normal growth intervals," he reassured her gently.<br />
<br />
She nodded back, her eyes fixed on his gaze equally as intently. She looked down then suddenly, her bickering emotions clashing against each other, somehow she felt that she wanted to unload her fears, lessen the burden that seemed to rest upon her. She didn't know what was happening to her but for the first time in years she just wanted to share her pain. "I feel as if I'm disconnected to everything that happens in Arshia's life," she finally mumbled, her voice breaking in places then fell back down onto the chair.<br />
<br />
He watched her downcast features for a second, then hurriedly sat down next to her, it was as if suddenly they had engulfed themselves in this bubble where the previous pains were letting go for revelations of their futures. "That's not true Khushi, you've only gotten here, you'll know her in no time. And there's not much to Arshia, she's like you in every way," he finally mumbled, as she turned around to look at him in disbelief. She watched him for a few seconds, his eyes were focused on the distance, the smallest of smiles pulling at his lips and she couldn't help but recognise the sincerity with which he had said that.<br />
<br />
"Like me?" The question just flowed out from her as a gentle unknown smile tugged at her own lips.<br />
<br />
He looked towards her again, appraising her gentle features, the tiny sparks in her eyes, the softness with which she had enquired.<br />
<br />
A corner of his mouth lifted as he smiled, his chocolate brown orbs softening, "yes just like you," he began then, "she likes to talk to herself and giggle randomly," there was a beautiful melancholy in the way he simply compared their daughter to Khushi and she couldn't help but watch his face in wonderment. "She likes the varying phases of weather, each one giving her as much joy as the previous; she likes the cool drizzle of warm summer days, the scorching rays of sunshine that bathes her skin, she likes the taste of jalebis, the company of happiness, to find love in everything she does," he finally looked towards her again, "and she likes to watch the soft sparkle of stars in the dark night sky, the way her Mamma likes to watch her parents shine bright every night," he finally finished off.<br />
<br />
She felt lost for words, her emotions in a knot. It hurt to think of how fondly he still thought of her and suddenly a painful past began to feel a bit too surreal.<br />
<br />
He dropped his gaze then, her questioning eyes causing him to stop, maybe he had gone too far, maybe he shouldn't overwhelm her with his own tortured thoughts. He gently placed his hand over hers as her eyes travelled with it and stopped on his hand, not sure how to feel of this sudden contact.<br />
<br />
"She'll be okay, she has you again, nothing can harm her now," he finally stated, his gaze boring into the depths of hers then leaving a small squeeze of his fingers against hers, stood up and walked away.<br />
<br />
<i>And I'm trying to believe</i><br />
<i>In things that I don't know</i><br />
<i>The turning of the world</i><br />
<i>The colour of your soul</i><br />
<i>That love could kill your pain</i><br />
<i>Truth is never vain</i><br />
<i>It turns strangers into lovers</i><br />
<i>And enemies to brothers</i><br />
<i>Just say you understand</i><br />
<i>I never had this planned</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And now, now that you're near</i><br />
<i>There's nothing more without you</i><br />
<i>Without you here</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
****<br />
<br />
She heard the doorbell as it went off but she continued to sit there, lost in her own thoughts, a situation that felt both like the most crippling of nightmares and yet the most colourful of dreams. She felt lost in this tangled thread of a world where neither lies nor the truth could fix her, where her own heart battled with itself and she still could not decide which part of it she would let win.<br />
<br />
She looked up suddenly as he strode down the stairs, the stamina in his every step. She still loved him, she now knew, as equally and irrevocably as she always had, always because she had never stopped loving him. She felt a weird sort of calm, for once in so many years completely at ease with her every feeling and for once she was not afraid to admit that even a droplet of love from him would be enough to erase her every pain.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>My head lies to my heart</i><br />
<i>And my heart it believes</i><br />
<i>It seems the ones who love us are the ones</i><br />
<i>That we deceive</i><br />
<i>But you're changing everything</i><br />
<i>You're changing everything in me</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And now, now that you're near</i><br />
<i>There's nothing more without you</i><br />
<i>Without you here</i><br />
<br />
<br />
"WHAT?!"<br />
<br />
Her head snapped up suddenly as he bellowed at the man that stood in front of him. Sure their journey after their conversation had passed quietly but was he angry again? And was he throwing his anger at her towards someone else as he always had? She stood up suddenly, trying to wipe away that unnerving sensation at the back of her mind.<br />
<br />
<br />
Arnav took a threatening step towards the police officer that stood in front of him, his nostrils flaring, his eyes ablaze with fury. How dare he? "On what grounds exactly do you think I would let you take my wife with you?" He exclaimed, demanding an answer with his furious gaze as even the police man crouched away from him.<br />
<br />
The full impact of those words along with the khaki uniformed officer came back to her a little later than the words that first began to echo in her mind. He had referred to her as his wife.<br />
<br />
"Sir we have an arrest warrant against her," the other policeman calmly stated, thrusting a folded piece of paper into his hand.<br />
<br />
Khushi came to a halt next to him, her face pale as her blood turned cold. An arrest warrant for her.<br />
<br />
He looked from her to the police officers, quickly unfurling the sheet that he had been handed, his fingers shaking against the flimsy paper as he tried to focus his eyes on the writing.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Arrest warrant in the name of Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada on suspicion of accessory to kidnap.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The paper slipped out of his fingers as he went completely still. She watched the colour drain out of Arnav's face then felt the harsh grasp of a woman's hand as it pulled at her frozen body. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Gone is the pale hand of winter</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Here is the first flush of may</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>And soon I will discover whether birds of the summer</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>Fly in circles of just fly away</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Bird of the Summer, A Fine Frenzy</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<br />BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-33022025327957026652013-01-05T06:16:00.001-08:002013-01-05T12:04:58.606-08:00Chapter 12 - Our Pasts Laced In Pain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XUHnyfym8zAcZ9CX2Ms739bIGKQFnjHMtfXshz-jIKAs1IaHfT4Kf-4Iw2TCuKI-U8yCsZNA1KEHgbsQwmJg5rlr4YpuKEq_nINVpVgjz2UUAoKuylDcl32uLBScVjENbYWLnXhevac/s1600/Of+All+Things+I'll+Leave+Behind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_XUHnyfym8zAcZ9CX2Ms739bIGKQFnjHMtfXshz-jIKAs1IaHfT4Kf-4Iw2TCuKI-U8yCsZNA1KEHgbsQwmJg5rlr4YpuKEq_nINVpVgjz2UUAoKuylDcl32uLBScVjENbYWLnXhevac/s320/Of+All+Things+I'll+Leave+Behind.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I promise you </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I will try harder</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>to be better.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>have battled with things</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>inside me</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>for longer than you know;</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I do not know</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>what they are</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>or why they are there,</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I only know</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>that they feel</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>manageable,</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>defeatable,</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>when I</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>am around</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>You.</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>- Tyler Knott Gregson</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She stumbled back a few steps, watching him
leave, her fingers tightened on the roll of paper involuntarily and she felt
herself fall onto the couch at the far end of the room with a thud, her eyes
still glued to the doorway. She somehow couldn’t peel them away from his trail,
she didn’t understand, she never had understood. Over the years she had thought
about it so many times, about her, about him, how they’d met, what had happened
and not for the first time it occurred to her that maybe they were never made
for each other. Maybe they were both two different people that were created to
live separately and alone for their entire lives and through some twisted route
of fate they had met. But now it was different, somewhere down that twisted path
they’d forgotten the rules of the game and now neither of them could turn back.
She didn’t even try to wipe the tears that fell down her cheeks this time,
there was no point, it was as if she was forever destined to cry. Her fingers
shook against the bundle of papers in her hands and she wasn’t sure if she
wanted to look at them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Why was none of this making sense? Why
couldn’t he just tell her whatever it is that he wanted to say and get it all
over with? Did he want her to take Arshia with her or not? What sort of sick
messed up game was this that he was playing? Hadn’t she paid enough and that
too for a mistake that she hadn’t even committed? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Wiping her cheek with the back of her hand
she finally brought the papers in front of her. Police reports? Why was he
giving her police reports? She unfurled the sheets slowly, folding over a
corner with her thumb then straightening it back up again. She didn’t know why
but her heartbeat started increasing, echoing in her ears. Swallowing she
brought it closer to her face, her eyes already scanning through the small
print. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Her eyes widened suddenly, she felt her
breath hitch in her throat and she had to re-read it to make sure she was not
mistaken. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">“</span><span lang="EN-US">Mr Shyam Manohar Jha taken into custody on the charges
of kidnap. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Victim:
Baby Raizada”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She sat their, stock still, frozen to the
spot for a few seconds, her mind whirring out of control with feelings that
even she herself could not comprehend. She felt her heart double in speed in
her chest, it was as if she had suddenly been struck by lightening. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She looked up, her eyes large, her gaze
stuck in the distance, not focusing on anything in particular. Large drops of
tears must have fallen down her face and fallen onto the fabric of her trousers
but she didn’t notice. She was lost, numb, empty. She closed her eyes slowly,
letting the tears that had brimmed fall down her cheeks. She didn’t know what
to do, what to say, how to make things better, <i>if </i>she could make things better. Her hand went to the base of her
neck, soothing the pain that irrupted up her throat, swallowing hard,
attempting to bring moisture to her dry throat. Her fingers tightened on the
paper, almost crinkling the paper in her efforts to hold on and keep sane. She
didn’t read on, she didn’t think she could. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi Kumari Gupta?” The judge
questioned, raising an eyebrow and peering over his specs at Mr Roy, quietly
scrutinizing his shuffling form, the way he licked his lips then looked in all
directions but at the judge. Making a rough mental note of the lawyer’s erratic
behavior, the judge flicked through a few more pages. He read through the text
slowly, then looked up towards Roy once more. “I understand that Mrs Khushi
Kumari Gupta was the victims mother,” he closed the file over once more,
clasping his hands together, this time looking straight towards Roy, “would you
care to explain to me Mr Roy how in the world that makes sense?” His voice was
more abrupt this time, it was clear that he was done with any games that were
being played.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roy gulped, slowly anticipating his
impending doom. Licking his parched lips once more he quickly reached for the
glass of water in front of him, his fingers almost slipping off of the glass.
He took in the water through several loud gulps then looked back up at the
judge again. “You see me lord</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">,” he began his voice at first slightly unsteady. “The
mother of the child was in a relationship with my client.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge watched him with knitted
eyebrows, trying to make sense of the story that was being put towards him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“As you are aware my client is married to
Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha,” Roy’s words were clearer this time, his voice louder
as he began to slowly narrate the story Shyam had created for him, every word
memorized. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge nodded slowly, re-opening the
file and reading through another paragraph for his confirmation. “Yes Roy I am
aware and how does that relate?” The judge questioned quickly, not prepared to
waste time. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roy swallowed hard, trying to diffuse the nervousness that wouldn’t seize to creep up his spine. “Well whilst he was
married to Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha he was in a relationship with Ms Khushi
Kumari Gupta.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“You mean Mr Shyam Manohar Jha and Mrs
Khushi Singh Raizada were in an extra-marital affair?” The judge questioned,
re-phrasing Roy’s words and getting to the point.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roy shook his head quickly then leaned
forward on his chair, “no no Ms Khushi Kumari Gupta was not married to Mr Arnav
Singh Raizada at the time.” Roy stated then, explaining the situation clearly. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge nodded, quickly scribbling down a
note on that, “okay continue.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Me lord when Mr Arnav Singh Raizada found
out about the affair </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">without warning his sister; Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha,
he took matters into his own hands and forced Ms Khushi Kumari Gupta to marry
him.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judges eyes widened for a fraction of a
second before he returned to his straight, apathetic face, “I see,” he began to
write more in the pad of paper that lay in front of him, his slanted
handwriting rapid on the lined paper. “So Mr Raizada forced Ms Gupta to marry
him?” He questioned again, re-confirming this fact. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes me lord,” Roy answered nodding
quickly. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Okay continue,” the judge allowed once
more. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He gulped, willing his mind to bring forth
the right words, “as you can imagine me lord, Ms Gupta was not happy with this
fact and wanted revenge. Therefore on finding out that she was pregnant she
left Mr Raizada’s house and continued her pregnancy elsewhere. At the end of
the term my client and Ms Gupta acted out this farce of loosing the child in
order to obtain money from Mr Raizada,” his throat was dry by the time he
finished. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge looked up at him, frowning, “but
Mr Roy it was Mr Jha that contacted Mr
Raizada, he was caught red handed, arrested on the spot.” He stated the facts,
trying to gain a straight story. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes me lord, Ms Gupta obviously suspected
that things where going wrong and fled the country before anything more could
be found out about her involvement. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge nodded slowly, making more notes,
“and do you have any evidence to prove this?” He finally questioned. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roy swallowed hard, “yes me lord.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Her steps where slow, she walked as if in a
daze, her feet stopping in front of his room almost automatically, closing her
eyes, her chest heaving with every breath, tears streaking down her cheeks and
her heart pounding away in her chest she slowly walked in, the bundle of sheets
still enclosed in her grip. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Arnav stood with his back to her, looking
out at the sky outside which had darkened with grey clouds, edging closer as it
rapidly covered the piercing rays of the sun, making way for the rain to fall
in all its glory. He wanted escape, to run away, to forget, to not think, to
live but he knew he would have none of those things. He wished she would
understand, that he would have another chance but that too he had lost hope
for. He wished he could tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted to
make up for all of his wrong, how much he needed her but knew he wouldn’t. He
was never good with words and now when he thought about it he didn’t know what
he would say, how he would say it because in the end they would just be mere
words, words in exchange for all the pain that he had caused her and they would
never be enough; not for what he had put her through. And he knew he was not
worthy of her forgiveness, knew how little faith she had in him, her thinking
that he was the one to tell her that he child was dead was enough proof to him
of what she still thought of him. He attempted to prevent himself from breaking
down once more because the tears were too little in front of the torment he had
to live with each and every day. If only she knew how much it had hurt him to
hurt her, how his heart had cracked with every word he had uttered against her.
Maybe this was his penance - her misjudgment, living the rest of his life
devoid of her forgiveness. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He didn’t notice her, didn’t hear her come
till she was right behind him. He turned around slowly as he heard her feet
shuffle behind him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She looked up at him, unable to let the
incoherent sentences that formed in her mind escape, she didn’t know what to
ask him, what to say, where to begin. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He let his eyes hover over her face for a
few seconds, she looked so timid, so lost, he just wanted to grab her, let her
rest her head against his chest as he soothed her out of this nightmare that
they were living, but he couldn’t so he chose the only words he could form. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And
I’d give up forever to touch you<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause
I know that you feel me somehow<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You’re
the closets to heaven that I’ll ever be<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I
don’t want to go home right now<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And
all I can taste is this moment<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And
all I can breathe is your life<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause
sooner or later it’s over<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just don’t want to miss you tonight<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He faced away from her, turning back around
towards the glass doors then out at the rapidly darkening sky. He couldn’t
face her, didn’t think he could watch sorrow cross her beautiful face. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I
don’t want the world to see me<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause
I don’t think that they’d understand<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
everything’s made to be broken<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just want you to know who I am<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He didn’t want to relive it ever again, let
those thoughts, those crippling moments cross his mind but he had no other
option, she had to know the truth. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I was getting ready for work when I first
got the phone call,” his voice was low and constricted as he began. “I wasn’t
expecting anything and at first I didn’t even understand what was being said to
me,” he continued, putting it exactly the way it had been. “I remember being
told that my child had been kidnapped, that I wouldn’t get her back unless I paid
a ransom and I just didn’t understand.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets,
facing completely away from her, watching single raindrops as they began to
fall one by one. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I was so lost Khushi,” she could hear his
voice breaking as he continued, her body frozen to the spot, she didn’t think
she could move. “I didn’t know that I had a child,” he turned around then to
face her, his gaze meeting hers, “I didn’t know that you had been pregnant,”
his voice was almost inaudible and her tear-glazed eyes widened at his words,
maybe she should have told him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Gulping back the tears that choked his
throat he looked away from her to continue, fighting against tears that
threatened to fall. “I remember adding up the months in my head, it didn’t make
any sense, it hadn’t been 9 months since you’d left but I took the chance
anyway. I agreed to pay the ransom then contacted the police,” he finally
mumbled looking back at her. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I… She… Arshia was 7 months premature,”
she stuttered out, cutting in, she felt that she needed to explain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He nodded slowly before she could continue,
“I know,” he mumbled, his words somehow felt gentle and she was surprised that
for once he hadn’t jumped to another assumption. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">His eyes flickered over the wavering
emotions of her face before a wry smile tugged at his lips, “you’re surprised
right? That I didn’t think anything else of it?” He asked and she looked up at
him surprised, she hadn’t expected him to pick up on that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He continued on, letting his gaze flicker
away from her large eyes, “I knew that I’d made a mistake Khushi, I wasn’t
going to do the same thing a second time round,” the regret was clear in his
voice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And
you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Or
the moment of truth in your lies<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
everything feels like the movies<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah
you bleed just to know you’re alive<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I
don’t want the world to see me<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause
I don’t think that they’d understand<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
everything’s made to be broken <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just want you to know who I am<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She finally managed to awaken her voice again,
her gaze falling onto the empty edges of the pool, where his pots of plants had
once stood, then back to him again, his fallen face, his haggard features. She
closed her eyes for a moment; let her questions come through to the forefront.
She didn’t want to imagine that pain again, of thinking that she had lost
everything, of being left with nothing and she couldn’t bring herself to relate
to his pain, to being told that a child that he had never known existed was
suddenly in danger, she couldn’t tell how that would have felt like. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Why didn’t you…” She began only to be cut
off by him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked to her for a second, “at first it
was chaos I didn’t have the time to search for you,” he looked away again,
continuing as he stared on to an empty corner of the wall. “When we found her
she was weak, they’d fed her but she hadn’t received the proper care she needed
as a premature baby,” his voice sounded lost somewhere, guarded and devoid of
emotions as if he was shielding away from impending pain. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She couldn’t stop the tears that had
gathered in her eyes from falling, from covering her mouth with her hands to
stop the ragged sobs from escaping, she didn’t want to imagine her little angel
going through that, didn’t want to see what he had seen. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He closed his eyes for a second, attempting
to keep his assaulting emotions at bay, his expression filled with pain. “I had
to keep her in care for two weeks, under observation for another week, she had
to be given a ventilator, be incubated, I… I couldn’t,” his voice began to
break, his words faltering as he tried to hold himself together, “I didn’t know
what to do, how to save her and I didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She could hear the tears that choked his
voice, feel his raw emotions, she tried to escape the images that began to
haunt her, not imagine that her child had been put through so much pain. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I wanted to find you, call you, tell you
that Arshia was with me, that she was fine, know why you’d left her in the
first place but I didn’t know where to start, what to say.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She watched him in shock, she could see his
walls breaking and she didn’t know how to react, not this time round. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked down to the floor as he
continued, “I knew that somewhere along the line this was all my fault, that if
I hadn’t…” He closed his eyes in pain, clenching his fists at his side. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She looked to him in disbelief; she hadn’t
expected him to be sorry for his mistakes, not like this. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked to her once more, holding her
gaze, “I tried to look for you a few months later,” he mumbled taking a step
towards her, “I did try Khushi but maybe I didn’t try hard enough,” he admitted
solemnly, letting his gaze fall to the ground once more, “I knew you’d take her
from me if you found out and I didn’t think I could afford to lose her too, so
maybe I stopped every time I got close to finding you.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t
expected for him to open upto her, to tell her the truth and now that he had
she didn’t know what to say or do. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked up towards her once more, his
gaze colliding once more with her wide eyes as they flitted through his featured.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“And I’m sorry for keeping her from you,
for not trying harder to find you, I’m sorry Khushi,” his voice was barely
above a whisper, broken in places. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She took a step back, her eyes tracing over
his downcast features, she was stumbling over her own emotions, she hadn’t
expected any of this, and she hadn’t expected his apology. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I
don’t want the world to see me<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cause
I don’t think that they’d understand<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">When
everything’s made to be broken<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just want you to know who I am<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just want you to know who I am<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I
just want you to know who I am…<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> She
walked backwards, she was breaking down, and she couldn’t prevent the ragged
sobs that escaped her. His arm outstretched towards her, to stop her, but she
didn’t have the strength to listen to anymore, she couldn’t accept his apology
so she ran. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hello?” Anjali frowned as she answered the
phone, she didn’t usually answer unknown numbers but this had been coming
through for quite a few days. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Rani Sahiba?” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Her eyes widened in horror, her fingers trembling
as her phone slid out of her grasp and fell to the floor. She took a step back
as it broke into pieces. She could recognize that gruff voice no matter where
she heard it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He continued to type away at his laptop
furiously, his thoughts were haywire, his mind restless. He had to find out if
she was okay, he hadn’t meant to hurt her, he’d just wanted her to know the
truth. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Exhaling loudly he finally stood up then
stomped out of his room. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She looked up slowly on hearing his steps
approach her, sniffing and wiping away the tears that had flown down her
cheeks. She stood up off of the couch as he stood watching her from the door. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She walked towards him; her steps slow then
let her gaze meet his. He had to clench his fists at his side; he was always
the one to put tears in her eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He let his gaze hover over her, then let it
drop suddenly catching onto the lone packed back at the side. He’d been to
Arshia’s room earlier, Khushi had unpacked the stuff that she had packed for
her and left it to a side of the room. She was leaving and this time she was
leaving without Arshia. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi,” he began, his voice soft, letting
his gaze fall upon her once more. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She couldn’t take it, couldn’t hold in her
tears any longer. Her body began to shake with the force of her tears as loud
sobs escaped her, her hands clasped together as she sobbed against them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">His hands went out to her immediately, all
of his inhibitions forgotten, he gripped her by the shoulders and brought her
closer to himself, supporting her. “Khushi,” he tried again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I can’t do this anymore Arnav,” she spoke
through her sobs, “I just can’t! And now more than anything I don’t know what
to do!” She wanted to lean into him, let his strong arms go around her but she
didn’t let herself fall weak once more, she didn’t want to let him in for him
to walk away all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He held onto her, his fingers tight against
her skin, he didn’t know what to say, how to make her feel better. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m not taking Arshia Arnav,” she looked
up towards him, her hazel orbs drowning in her tears, “I can’t take her away
from you. At first it was different,” she found it difficult to talk through
the tears that choked her throat, “and now I know that you didn’t do any of
this so how can I break away the beautiful bond you have with her and attempt
to form a new one Arnav?” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Arnav closed his eyes for a second, the
words not coming to him, what was he supposed to say? “Khushi, I…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“No Arnav,” she cut him off, “my mind is
made, I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m not taking Arshia with me,” she wiped
further tears that edged down her cheeks then quickly walked off leaving him to
drown in his own miserable thoughts. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Khushi stirred in her sleep, her closed
eyes scrunching together as she let her hand guide out to her little angel that
lay wrapped up against her. Her eyes snapped open suddenly, her hands landing
on empty space. She fumbled, panic rising in her throat, her fingers going out
and feeling for the switch. She pressed down on it quickly, throwing the room
into brightness, her eyes widening as mind numbing fear engulfed her. Where was
Arshia? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She threw the covers off, her feet quickly
landing on the floor. Standing up she ran out of the room, every muscle in her
body tensed with the fear that overtook her. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She stopped suddenly in front of his room,
the pumping of her heart echoing in her ears, almost drowning out the low
splash of water then happy giggles that floated out from within. She felt
herself become drawn, her feet lead her of their own accord. Her eyes widened
further, her breath hitching in her throat as she finally witnessed what lay
before. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Through the enchanting blue gleam of the
moonlight she witnessed for what wasn’t the first time the immense love that
floated between them, the laugh lines in his face, his childish laugh that she
had only known for brief glimpses of time, mirroring her angel, her tiny little
giggles as she splashed water on his face. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She wasn’t aware of the smile that pulled
at her lips, how her eyes lighted up and she walked further into the room,
wishing that she too one day be part of that bubble, the bubble of love that he
would forever keep her cradled in. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She couldn’t help the gentle prick of tears
that threatened to clog her eyes; all those years of thinking so bitterly of
him had almost rendered her incapable of thinking that he was able to express
such love. She swallowed hard, she knew she had made the right decision, she
couldn’t break Arshia away from him and force her to replace that tie with her,
she would never be a good mother if she did that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She watched the distant moon, shimmer and
disappear in the glaze of her tears, she closed her eyes shut then, letting the
tears that had gathered trail down her face. What was she supposed to do? Every
time she was close to fixing things, to moving, to letting go fate would
intervene, play its hideous games then leave her to clear up a mess that she
hadn’t been responsible for in the first place. She wanted to let go, forget where
she was and just slide down to the floor, let the tears flow, let herself cry
till there were no more tears left, till she was exhausted and could finally
fall into deep sleep. She wished she could turn back time, that things had
worked out better. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She almost missed the gentle tug of fingers
around the tip of her own fingers that snapped her out of the dark abyss she
had been falling into.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Mamma! Mamma!” The soft voice of her
daughter caused her to slowly open her eyes, her gaze clashing momentarily with
his then falling again. She sat down then, letting herself sit level with her
daughter, her eyes only focused on the soft dazzling orbs of her little angel as she
grinned back at Khushi. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br />
"Mamma! Wook water!" She giggled, clapping her little chubby hands together then running her hand around Khushi's finger began to drag her over towards the pool. She felt the past come back to her in visions then, her broken life, his scattered pieces of a loved soul, shards of glass on the floor, that final night. She scrunched her eyes shut trying to shun the images away as more tears gathered and grazed down her cheeks.<br />
<br />
She felt Arshia's grip tighten on her finger then the tiniest of tugs but she didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to return to the present that echoed so much of her past.<br />
<br />
"Mamma! Mamma!" She exclaimed, pulling at her finger till Khushi finally opened her eyes, the glimmers of the brightly lit pool coming through to her as one large blurry image. "Mamma!" Arshia pulled again, her tiny brows furrowing together at the lack of response and Khushi felt herself drop down to the floor and sit next to her of her own accord. She couldn't stop it anymore, couldn't prevent her tormenting thoughts, the pain that constricted her heart, the ache that throbbed through her every bone.<br />
<br />
She finally broke down, her chest heaving with the sobs that racked through her as she sent her arms around her little baby hugging her to her, cocooning her tiny body to herself, feeling the soft living flesh. This was what loss felt like, this was what helplessness felt like. The tears fell down in torrents as her arms continued to tighten around her, she felt little fingers cling to her body, little fingers that she would never feel again.<br />
<br />
"Mamma... Mamma are woo okay?" The gentle tinkling voice of her child that she would never be bestowed the treasure of hearing again. She burrowed her head in the softness of her little angels skin, as ragged sobs continued to escape her.<br />
<br />
He felt a piece of his heart break off with her every cry, her every tear adding to the scorching trail of fire that burned through him. He closed his eyes in pain for a second, his hands clenching into fists at his side but he couldn't escape it, couldn't bring himself to walk away from her sobs that would forever echo through his ears. His feet moved towards her of their own accord, till he was kneeling down behind her, till he could almost feel the trembles that shook through her.<br />
<br />
"Khushi," his voice was a ragged whisper as he placed his hand on her shoulder, feeling her still at his touch, her sobs subsiding for a second.<br />
<br />
And in that split second that reverberated with the quietness that surrounded them all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her chest and the blood rush through her ears.<br />
<br />
"Khushi, please take her with you... Please Khushi I can live without her... For the pain that you've been through... You can have her," he finally struggled through words that had ceased to flow out earlier, he couldn't bare this any longer. He didn't want her to go through the same thing over and over again because of him; his cycle of mistakes assaulting her with every turn.<br />
<br />
She heard his words, the plea hidden in his stuttered sentence and she felt herself go numb, unsure of whether to cry or to laugh at the cruel turns of her life, whether to agree or not despite knowing the sadness in his life.<br />
<br />
"Please Khushi..." He had given up hoping for a better future, for a family, all he wanted was to see her happy even if that happiness would not include him.<br />
<br />
She turned around then, her little angel still cradled in her arms, her gaze clashing with his blazing caramel orbs, glazed over with tears that he too was on the brink of shedding. She couldn't help but fall for the helplessness in his eyes, understand a man that was now truly broken. This was not the Arnav Singh Raizada she had married, this was not the man that pushed and hurt and yelled, this was not the man that was used to having his way with everything, with her. No this was the Arnav she had known so many years ago, the man whose heart she had recognised even through the walls, the man who had sat on a bench in the pouring rain and narrated to her a past that had left his life the scarred remains he now lived. And what was she supposed to do infront of that man now? How was she supposed to reply to him, how was she supposed to hurt him?<br />
<br />
She looked down then, averting her eyes, taking a deep breath in she finally replied, "I can't Arnav... I... I can barely survive on my own and I can't possibly make her go through that too. And Arnav I can't live a life with the guilt that I broke her ties off from you, that I left her without a father," she finally mumbled, not meeting his gaze that she could feel burning through her then rapidly standing up walked away from him, to the other end of the room, her baby snuggled in the confines of her arms.<br />
<br />
He went and stood behind her, he was adamant with his decision, "Khushi why don't you understand that I can't do this either, I can't leave her without a mother... I can't let my mistakes hover over her too," his voice was hoarse as he fought to prevent himself from breaking down further.<br />
<br />
She heard the desperation in his voice but chose to ignore it, "then get married again Arnav," she muttered with a stone over her heart, she just needed to get away, "Arshia's still small, she won't understand..."<br />
<br />
He put his hand on her shoulder and swung her around suddenly and she flinched from the anger that was evident in his features. "What the hell is wrong with you Khushi?!" He screamed through gritted teeth. "Get married again? Lie to Arshia? Are you fucking insane?"<br />
<br />
"What's so wrong with that? Why can't you do it?" She screamed back, refusing to back down, she had made her decision and if he wanted to change that then he'd have to give into the words that he always hid from her. Why couldn't he just tell her to stay? If only he'd ask once she would.<br />
<br />
He didn't know what took over him then, he took a step forward, grabbing her by both of her shoulders, her face only inches away from his, her large bewildered eyes clashing against his, "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMN IT! Because I still want to fix things! Because I still have hope for us! Because I still regret every word I've said to you!" He shook her as he exclaimed out the feelings that he had hidden within him for so long. He moved away from her finally, letting go of his grip on her, his gaze averted to the floor, not even noticing the tears that trailed down her cheeks.<br />
<br />
"What sort of monster do you think I am Khushi?" His voice was broken, heavy with the tears that he still held intact.<br />
<br />
"Arnav," she didn't know why she uttered his name, her voice filled with tears, "I..."<br />
<br />
"<i>Because I love you damn it!" </i>His words still reverberating in her ears.<br />
<br />
He looked up towards her once more, "I'm not asking for forgiveness Khushi and I wish I didn't have to ask you for anything because I know it's unfair," he cut her off, his voice low and almost inaudible. "But I don't know if I have any other option, I don't know how to make things right," he was finally voicing his feelings, his fears and she didn't know how to reply to that, how to take back what she had said.<br />
<br />
"I just wish you'd stay," he finally muttered, and she felt herself become lost in his deep chocolate brown orbs once more. Their eyes meeting to speak the words that had been left unfinished for so long and she did not know of any other reply than the one that left her lips, "I think I will."<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I wonder if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<!--EndFragment--></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-46158322401086400862012-12-19T17:16:00.004-08:002012-12-19T17:16:46.058-08:00Chapter 11 - In This Horizon of Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDW5xGoMRM7PdYD6K26-lGhLCLM5cRpALSiaWGG53xUZboO3Fp0ee3jEHe92wRBlqHqK2QAgZSeSBkMtUrzbxEdQ1NHFsmM3IL1XU8sFhqKCsit2zOx4wEP0soep0hc-GvZYJ9LTrcBxY/s1600/On+The+Edge+of+Darkness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDW5xGoMRM7PdYD6K26-lGhLCLM5cRpALSiaWGG53xUZboO3Fp0ee3jEHe92wRBlqHqK2QAgZSeSBkMtUrzbxEdQ1NHFsmM3IL1XU8sFhqKCsit2zOx4wEP0soep0hc-GvZYJ9LTrcBxY/s320/On+The+Edge+of+Darkness.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; font-family: inherit; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">~<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; font-family: inherit; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">I may have failed
but I have loved you from the start. <o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; font-family: inherit; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">-Fall For You,<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; font-family: inherit; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Secondhand
Serenade<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; font-family: inherit; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">~<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I
don’t think I’m going to take her anymore,” she mumbled quietly. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His eyes widened, his arms tightening around Arshia
unconsciously as she too watched the silent words that refused to flow between
her parents. He didn’t understand, what did she mean? Or did he not want to
understand? He didn’t want to put his hopes up then watch them crash land once
more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But she was Arshia’s mother, his mind whirred back to
what he had witnessed the night before, how easily Arshia had bonded with
Khushi despite her missing presence for fifteen months. What was he supposed to
say to this?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don’t understand,” he finally managed to mumble,
their gazes clashing then hers dropping just as suddenly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Khushi attempted to hide the tears that once again
threatened to spill, the edge in his voice, his emotions that she could no
longer understand and instead she stood up quickly then walked out of the room.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He sat rooted to the spot for a few seconds,
attempting to arrange his thoughts, what was happening? Quickly placing Arshia
in the middle of the bed, a dozen pillows around her he too walked after
Khushi, his stride longer than hers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She stood at the balcony at the far end of the
corridor, her shoulders hunched and trembling, he didn’t know what to do
anymore but his decision was equally as made. He wanted Khushi in Arshia’s
life, he wanted his daughter to have a mother even if it meant that he would
have to leave, even if it meant that he would no longer be a part of Arshia’s
life. And he had to tell her before it was too late. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She heard his footsteps behind him, each one crippling
her mind further, she wasn’t sure of how to react any longer. She wanted Arshia,
no she needed her, and she deserved her after all of these years, after months
of not seeing her, after a year and a half of believing that her baby was dead.
But she couldn’t stop her heart from reacting the way it did, she couldn’t tear
away the beautiful bond that Arshia and Arnav shared. She couldn’t take away
from the love and adoration she witnessed in his eyes every time he looked at
her, spoke of her, his final words ringing in her ears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t know what I’ll do when you take her<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her fingers tightened on the banister, as if she could
will him away by holding onto it. Drops of her tears falling onto the grained
wood then seeping into the depths of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She felt her whole body stiffen, she closed her eyes,
trying to imagine that she was not here, stuck in this tangle of emotions, in
the midst of his actions that she couldn’t comprehend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His hand automatically went out to her shoulder then
stopped only inches away, hovering in mid air until he drew it back again,
folding his fingers into a fist, his helplessness clear in his fallen features. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi,” he tried again. He had the sudden impulse to
grip her by the shoulders and yank her around to face him, push her against the
banister and demand she take Arshia but he didn’t. He stopped himself,
clenching his fists at his side because those actions had been what had started
all of this in the first place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Look Khushi I want you to…” He struggled with his
words, words that did not come to him easily; it was his child too after all.
He couldn’t express to her how much he wanted to just keep Arshia yet knew he
did not deserve that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her breaths came out rapidly, awaiting the end of his
sentence, a storm raging through her mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi I want you to have Arshia,” he finally
managed, his words flowing out in a flurry. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She felt her whole body freeze, her mind go numb
for a second, she couldn’t hold it in any longer, every emotion, every
contradicting thought that she had been pondering over for all of these hours
coming through to the forefront. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She spun around rapidly as his eyes widened to the
suddenness of it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“What the hell is wrong with you Arnav? Why are you
doing this?” She shouted, taking a step towards him, her eyes furious as he
backed away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“What… But I don’t understand,” he managed to answer,
his voice not as audible, not the reaction she had expected but she continued
anyway, needing to get everything off of her chest. She was tired of
assumptions, of second-guessing, of his feelings that were always guarded by a
thick wall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“What don’t you understand?” She screamed furiously.
“First you take her away from me…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I didn’t take her away from you!” He exclaimed,
cutting her off, taking a step forwards towards her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes you did Arnav! What the hell do you call this
then?” She couldn’t believe her ears, what was wrong with him? And here she was
giving away chances. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi I didn’t take her from you! You left! You
thought she was dead and you left!” He screamed, unable to take her
accusations, he deserved her coldness, her anger, but not this, not something
that he hadn’t done in the first place. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Excuse me?” Khushi was sure she would explode with
the anger coursing through her. “How dare you tell me that I left my child?!
You took my child from me! You made me believe that she was dead! You told the
doctor to tell me that Arshia was dead!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He stood numb with shock, his eyes wide, not sure that
he could believe she considered him capable of such a thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You made sure that I didn’t see my daughter for all
of these years! That I lived a life half dead so that you could have your own
fucking way yet again!” She continued, taking further steps towards him, her
accusations slashing through him one by one. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He could feel his heart pound away against his chest,
his fingers digging in to his palms further with each word but wasn’t sure he
could find the words to respond. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tears began to stream out of her eyes but she
continued, “it’s always been about you hasn’t it? Your happiness? What you
want? So why this change? Why this drama Arnav? What’s the point? What’s the
bloody point in bringing me in front of Arshia, giving me the choice to take
her? Why are you playing this game with me Arnav?” She exclaimed pulling at his
shirt, her hands fisting around the material. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His hands went round her fists suddenly, his grip
tight and unrelenting, his gaze meeting hers and penetrating. He yanked her
closer, her petite body knocking off of him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Stop,” his voice was hoarse at first, as
if he had just awoken his throat. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Just stop!” He yelled the second time, causing
her to tremble in his hold. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Chotey!” Anjali yelled just then, rapidly
clambering up the stairs and stopping a few feet away from the two. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He blinked several times, his hold slowly
loosening on her then pushing her out of his grip stormed off, his fists
clenched at his sides. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She began to frantically rub at her wrists,
her tears blurring her view. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushiji are you okay?” Anjali questioned,
limping up to her but Khushi couldn’t prevent the tears that gathered and
streamed down her cheeks. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m fine,” she quickly mumbled then walked
off. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">His fist slammed into the wall, the skin on
his knuckles tearing and bleeding from the impact. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You
made me believe that she was dead!<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">You
told the doctor to tell me that Arshia was dead!<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Her words continued to replay on his mind.
How could she think he would do such a thing? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He grabbed a vase that lay on the coffee
table, let his fingers tighten around the ceramic then flung that too to the
ground, letting the crash of it echo through his ears. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Chotey! Chotey! What is wrong with you?!”
Anjali screamed, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around to look at
her. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She sent her arms around him, embracing him
as tears began to fall from his own eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Di I can’t do this anymore. She thinks…”
His voice was broken, heavy with tears, with the pain that he always carried
locked within himself. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She caressed his back, soothing him like a
child, “chotey, you have to talk to her, tell her what really happened. Your
silence is what started this and you don’t want it ruining things all over
again,” she finally spoke her mind, hoping that this time he would understand.
She would always stand by her brother, she knew that he had been wrong but god
knows he had tried to fix things and she knew how difficult that was. It was
always easier said that done, she knew of his sleepless nights, his constant
torment and she wished that fate would work to his favor for once. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He moved back quickly, their gazes meeting
then falling rapidly, he refused to be weak, to show that he was weak. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Just talk to her, control your temper for
once and just talk to her,” she told him again, always the one to understand
her brother, his every action, the pain that he showed to no one. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He nodded slowly then walked out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Mr Roy, you are aware that these sort of
cases are not pardoned and that Mr Shyam Manohar Jha must serve the full period
of time he has been given,” the heavy set man sitting in front of Roy was
polite but to the point. His voice had that sharp edge to it that whenever he
spoke it rang of authority and finality. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Roy gulped, he still wasn’t sure of whether
he should have taken this up or not but it was pointless attempting to back out
now because with Shyam you just didn’t do that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes Sir, the thing is my client has new
evidence against the prosecution sir,” he stated trying to bring confidence
into his voice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The man in front of him nodded slowly, “I
understand that but your client was charged with kidnapping, he was caught red
handed,” the judge finally stated, closing over the file in front of him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Sir but what if… What if there was an
accomplice?” Roy finally uttered the words, each one shaking with his efforts
to control the speed of his heart. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The judge stopped mid-action, his fingers
stilling on the edge of the file, then peered up at Roy above the specs that
were comfortably settled on his nose, “well then I guess that changes things.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He walked into her room first, his feet
rapid against the floor. His eyes flickered over to every corner of the room,
she was missing, then fell to his little angel sleeping in the midst of the
pillows that he had carefully lain around her and felt his heart go a little.
He gulped back the fear and pain that engulfed him then, his eyes finally
falling onto the half packed bag then quickly strode out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I find myself at your door, </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Just like all those times before,</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'm note sure how I got there,</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>All roads they lead me here. </i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He arrived at Arshia’s room, his fingers
clinging onto the edge of the door then stood there for a few more seconds, his
gaze immediately falling upon her, her fingers against a frame and that’s when
his eyes fell to the little bag next to her feet. He thought his heart might
leap out of his chest, his face quickly loosing its colour and turning pale.
She was going to take Arshia with her. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Khushi, I need to talk to you,” his voice
was loud, every word clear, it was the dread that kept him going now, that
crippling fear of losing everything all over again. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Her body straightened suddenly, her heart
stuttered than galloped on with it’s rapid beats. How dare he come back? How
dare he think that he could explain when he pleased, leave when he pleased?
Balling her hands into fists she spun around only to stand mere inches away
from his penetrating gaze. But this time she did not let herself waver. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don’t think I want to hear anything,”
she stated calmly, looking straight into his eyes then crouched down to pick up
the bag. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'm right before your eyes,</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'm breaking.</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>No thoughts, no reasons why,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Just you and me...</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>This is the last time I'm asking you this</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Put my name at the top of your list,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>This is the last time I'm asking you why,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>You break my heart in the blink of an eye...</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He caught a hold of her wrist rapidly,
pulling her back up to look into his eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She struggled against his grip, twisting
her arm. He pulled at her, bringing her closer to him as she glared at him
accusingly, unable to understand what he was going to do now. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“You’re taking her, I can’t let you take
her,” it was a statement, he was adamant on fixing this. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She tried to break away from his grip,
squirming in his arms, “Arnav she’s my child!” She exclaimed through gritted
teeth. “Weren’t you the one that wanted me to take her anyway? What the hell
has happened now? What changed?” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You find yourself at my door,</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Just like all those times before,</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>You wear your best apology,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>But I was there to watch you leave.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>And all the time I let you in,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Just for you to go again,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Disappear when you come back,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Everything is better. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">His hands tightened further, his eyes
furious, the rage flowing through him all too evident. “Because you don’t know
the truth!” He exclaimed, his nostrils flaring, the tendons of his jaw defined.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She tried to comprehend that, her eyes
large. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“Because she’s my child too! Because for
fifteen months I brought her up alone!” He screamed, she tried to cut him off
but he continued anyway, his hands further tightening around her wrists. “You
can’t just come here and accuse me of things that I haven’t done! I’m trying! I
want to fix things! I want to pay for the mistakes that I’ve committed but not
what I haven’t! How dare you think I would do such a thing?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He pushed her away then, letting her
stumble then find her bearing. He pulled out a roll of paper from his back
pocket, grasping her hand and stuffing them into her palm. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“These are the police reports, read them!
Properly!” He commanded as she looked down at them, completely taken aback. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He took a step back then, creating distance
once more, he’d already said too much that he hadn’t meant to, his temper
getting the better of him like always. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“After you read them I’ll be okay with any
decision you take,” he mumbled, this time his words almost inaudible, his eyes
downcast. “If you still want to take Arshia with you then I’ll respect that and
let you,” with one last look at her, pools of drowning caramel he quickly
turned around then walked out. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I'm right before your eyes,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>I'm aching. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Run fast, nowhere to hide,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Just you and me...</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>This is the last time I'm asking you this</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Put my name at the top of your list....</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Here we are at the start,</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>I can feel the beating of our hearts. </i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>- A Call To Arms, 30 Seconds to Mars</i></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Lyrics credit: The Last Time by Taylor Swift</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
</div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<!--EndFragment-->BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-26461818900235999132012-12-11T05:51:00.000-08:002012-12-11T05:51:34.356-08:00Chapter 10 - Collecting Your Tears<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<!--StartFragment--><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: inherit;"><i><b>I think chapter 10 calls for a bit into the past…
don’t you? :P</b></i></span></span><!--EndFragment-->
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb0v7Y2w1nRXU-YpCLi9SA_R-j9OGsCKPl69aS0q9KiQVOC2U2eJCeNoKym-_d5daBZS7p8hjn07hgdtCDLOIB8xN2bI4BayzGzDxB-NlqdbXKJCGb4LdTzcytxhI3a23eAuQki3ssTmQ/s1600/Collecting+Tears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb0v7Y2w1nRXU-YpCLi9SA_R-j9OGsCKPl69aS0q9KiQVOC2U2eJCeNoKym-_d5daBZS7p8hjn07hgdtCDLOIB8xN2bI4BayzGzDxB-NlqdbXKJCGb4LdTzcytxhI3a23eAuQki3ssTmQ/s320/Collecting+Tears.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><i>~</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><i>It is not our silence that is deafening but all the words underneath it, yelled in our heads. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><i>- David Levithan</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;"><i>~</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><br /></i></span>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She closed her eyes for
a moment, took a deep breath in, letting the tirade of emotions that continued
to assault her run yet another loop around her mind. She was finding it
difficult to digest all of these, one action contradicting the other, her
memories not letting her accept the possibility of change, not allowing her to
give him another chance no matter how much her heart wanted to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She re-traced her steps
back, stopping at the door to what had been their room once long before, where
she had felt like a prisoner in her own fragile cage of a heart. She remembered
the constant dark abyss, his words that had only stung, rapidly giving way to
their last night when everything had taken a 180 degree turn. She remembered
his broken voice, his apologies, his words,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"<i>I'm so sorry
Khushi,"</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"please
bring me out of this misery Khushi, please stop this pain,"</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"please
make me stop loving you Khushi."</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She closed her eyes,
letting the tears that had gathered trail their way down her cheeks, grabbing
the material of her pants as she stepped back away from the threshold. She knew
it was wrong, this is what she had run away from for all of those years ago,
this is what she had feared and now it was all coming true. Her painful
memories, her life that had never gone right was back to haunt her and like
every other time she didn't know what to do to fix it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She began to walk away,
back towards where she was sleeping when she reached Arshia's room, the room with
a large portrait of herself. She'd put her baby to sleep but not bothered to
explore the room further. This time she stepped in and turned the blue light at
the corner on, taking care not to wake up her sleeping angel, she looked so
serene so at peace in her sleep; a stark contrast to her parents. She thought
about that word, it seemed to be the first time it had occurred to her,
“parents,” she mouthed it then, whispering it into thin air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Parents,” gulping at
how it felt in her mouth, how it felt saying it out loud. Arshia didn’t just
have a father or a mother but both and he was giving her back to her for
reasons she could not comprehend and she would take Arshia from him. She would
leave Arshia devoid of parents and give her only a mother. She stepped away
from the cot, that though causing her to stumble, she wasn’t sure how she felt
about that, of how it would affect Arshia. She found herself moving away from
the cot, towards the far wall till her back banged into the wall, against
something jutting into her back. She turned around, almost as if she was taken
aback by the sudden assault, only to find herself in front of a dozen photo
frames. She quickly wiped away the tears that blurred her vision, letting her
fingers trail through the ridges of one of them. She continued to wipe away at
them, as the tears now flooded out in streams, her emotions so inexplicable
that she wasn’t sure of what to do anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a large picture, a
silver rectangular frame with small slit ridges, in the middle the only two
people that seemed to hold any importance in her life. Arshia was barely the
length of Arnav’s forearm, she looked so comfortable, snuggled in the midst of
a large white blanket, her face almost hidden from view. Arnav stood holding
her, facing downwards, watching Arshia as the picture was clicked. She let her
hand trail over his tall profile, how he seemed to hold her little angel, his
sole focus being Arshia. She didn’t let her eyes linger too long there, the
fear of her heart breaking any second more pronounced. Instead she took a step
over, letting her eyes fall on another picture; in this one Arnav was yet again
holding Arshia, she looked equally as small, yet again wrapped in a bundle of
blankets, this time her tiny small face visible. Khushi let her eyes hover over
it fondly, cherishing every missed minuscule of a second of her babies life
that she had missed. She looked back to Arnav, there was a small smile on his
lips, one that did not quite reach his eyes, dark caramel orbs, not the ones she
had fallen head over heels for. His face however was not as haggard; he looked
better, closer to what she remembered him looking like when she’d left. She
closed her eyes, unable to take anymore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Gathering herself
together quickly, she walked over to the cot, her hands hovering in the air for
a few second then bending down scooped Arshia into her arms, revelling in how
snugly her daughter fit into her arms. She waited till she wriggled around;
adjusting then fell back into her deep slumber. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a great while
later that Arnav finally mustered up the energy to stand up, he wasn’t sure of
what to do with his life anymore. These past few days seemed to have passed in
a blur, at first his sheer determination, then his crumbling faith and now his
torturously breaking heart. He couldn’t image a life devoid of Arshia, of her
soft gurgles in the morning, her tiny hands feeling the features of his face,
her long slumbers, her large inquisitive eyes, her angry cries, the feel of
warm tears dripping down her face. He felt a little piece of him break off with
every step he took up the stairs. He was lost, in thoughts of Arshia, of
Khushi, of the life he had destroyed with his own hands. He was angry,
disappointed, but more than anything he was a broken man. He knew he wouldn’t
be able to live without Arshia, he wouldn’t come back to a house where the word
“papa,” would continue to resound off of every wall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His mind went into a
state of panic as soon as he stepped into Arshia’s room, he quickly ran over
and held onto side of her cot, his eyes searching for her as if she was a small
displaced object. He began to move around the room, unable to escape the terror
that was rapidly spreading through him. Had Khushi taken her? Had Khushi not
even felt him worthy of seeing his daughter one last time? No she wouldn’t do
that would she? She wouldn’t be that heartless! He quickly ran out of the room,
taking long strides towards the rom Khushi had chosen to sleep in, stopping
short at the sight that beheld him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He leaned against the
wall taking in a deep breathe as relief finally washed through him. He watched
them for a second, Khushi’s arm around Arshia cradling her into her chest and
he felt like an outsider for the second time that day. For the second time that
day he saw Khushi shielding their child off into their own little world, where
he wouldn’t be welcome, where he would not be a part of Arshia’s life and he
hated how it still looked right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">A memory:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">“No you don’t understand! That is my baby!
What do you mean I have no proof of that? I’m telling you that is my child! And
anyway even if it wasn’t it is a three day old baby! I want her found right
now!” Arnav bellowed into the phone, he could literally feel the adrenaline
pumping through his veins as he paced around his room. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">“This is all my fault Chotey,” he heard
his sister cry, cradling her swollen stomach in her arms, “I’m so sorry Chotey
I should have told you earlier, I should have kept that man away,” she
continued to blame herself. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">He strode up to her then, rapidly running
out of patience, “yes it was Di! It was your fault, it was my fault! It was OUR
fault! And I will not let my child pay for it!” He exclaimed then stormed out
of the room. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If only Khushi would let
him explain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">****<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Papa?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Khushi woke up with a
start, quickly responding to the gentle murmur against her chest. She looked
into large searching eyes, watched them blink twice then warm tears burst out
of them. Khushi sat up with a start, her baby’s loud cries sending her into
panic mode. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“What… What’s wrong
baby? Arshia what’s wrong?” She questioned gently taking her into her arms as
Arshia struggled against her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“PAPA!” Arshia wailed
through her tears, kicking her legs in all sorts of different directions as
Khushi held onto her quite clearly lost on what to do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Arnav burst through the
door just then, his eyes frantic as he reached the bed in a few quick strides
then stopped short. He was completely lost on what to say, it was one of his
instincts, he was attuned to Arshia’s every reaction and she was all too used
to seeing his face first thing in the morning, even if it was just a picture
that Anjali sometimes waved in front of the little thing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Khushi watched him, her
eyes wide, now slightly oblivious to the child kicking about in her arms, his
concern for Arshia always putting her into a state of shock. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He stuffed his hands in
his pockets then took a few steps back, creating space between him and the bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m sorry,” he mumbled,
his eyes downcast, “I just heard Arshia crying and it was just an instant
reaction,” he admitted then slowly began to turn around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Khushi gulped, her
reaction to his words this time almost automatic, “it’s okay, I think she
wanted you anyway,” she offered, extending Arshia in her arms towards him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He scrunched his brows
together, taken aback by this sudden gesture but on seeing Arshia’s face a dark
shade of pink with tears, took her into his arms without a word. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“There there baby girl,
you’re alright, I’m here, I’m here,” he cooed, swaying her in his arms as she
slowly quietened down, gulping in large intakes of air, her little chest
heaving from all of that effort. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He smiled down at her,
letting her take his hand and hold onto it, as if she was afraid that he would
leave again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You’re okay, Papa’s
here, you’re okay baby girl,” he continued to coo, all of which Khushi watched
from a distance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He took a seat on the side of the bed, seemingly lost
in the world of him and their baby, clearly oblivious to all-else now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You love her,” she wasn’t sure if it was a statement,
question or just a sentence out of her unconscious mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked up towards her, their tired gazes meeting in
a sort of haze but he flitted his gaze away quickly, looking back towards
Arshia and smiled causing her to clap her hands and giggle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A small smile spread across Khushi’s face at that, her
heart melting away in her chest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Yes I do,” he mumbled admittedly, refusing to meet
Khushi’s eyes, “I love her more than anything in this world.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“More than di?” She didn’t know why she asked that,
over so many years of pondering the downfall of whatever they had had maybe she
had finally decided that his immense love for his di had somewhere blinded him
to everything else. Not that she blamed him or her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He looked back up at her again, not at all surprised
by her question this time, the look of guilt all but too clear in his face, his
caramel orbs drowning once more. “More than everything,” he finally murmured,
his voice and gaze both lowered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She continued to watch him, lost for words, she
regretted asking him that, regretted putting herself in this sort of situation
again and watching him hold her baby in his arms, the love and adoration that
seemed to trickle out of his very eyes at her she felt something change inside
of her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her baby’s tiny little giggles began to pull at her
heart in all sorts of directions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don’t know what I’ll do when you take her,” he
admitted quietly, his eyes distant, his voice nearly breaking at the last
syllable. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She couldn’t keep it in any longer, couldn’t placate
her torn mind. She didn’t know what it was, his words, his tears or just the
sheer helplessness with which he had uttered those words but it finalised her
decision. She still didn’t understand why he was doing this, still wasn’t ready
to give him a chance but right now she had to fight the urge she felt to just
take him into her arms and embrace him, let him know that she would be there
for him. But she didn’t because it wasn’t the truth, because yet again she was
giving into her wretched heart and emotions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Edging closer as he looked towards her she took her
hold of one of Arshia’s hands, wrapping her palm around the little hand. She
looked upto him then, their gazes meeting once more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don’t think I’m going to take her anymore,” she
mumbled quietly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="color: #548dd4;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">~<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She wasn’t bitter.
She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that
just takes time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoListParagraph" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">- </span><!--[endif]--></span><b><i><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #548dd4; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Stephen
Chbosky , The Perks of Being a Wallflower</span><o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-43968688960568547422012-11-23T12:19:00.000-08:002012-11-23T12:19:22.735-08:00Chapter 9 - Our Broken Keys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7b4QuqUtAqxxT9hWHnnHMJoNyjC00OlXZ4YcRjLhHXCo3_VaBL5jymAcODmd7gTXbZ1z0x6pFB2EGFcfjLmbVTXibaoCYBdOQF0aWRIy9H4xVm70ltXSyZaQWHJUodg5xKpWbxSMVjf4/s1600/Like+Broken+Kets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7b4QuqUtAqxxT9hWHnnHMJoNyjC00OlXZ4YcRjLhHXCo3_VaBL5jymAcODmd7gTXbZ1z0x6pFB2EGFcfjLmbVTXibaoCYBdOQF0aWRIy9H4xVm70ltXSyZaQWHJUodg5xKpWbxSMVjf4/s320/Like+Broken+Kets.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>~</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>I've got a bad case of three am guilts you know when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn't do right? Because, as we all know nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self loathing. </i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>- D. D. Barant</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i>~</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Arnav, I'm taking Arshia with me,"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
He felt himself automatically take a step back, his eyes now on his little angel cradled in between her mothers arms, lost in the warmth that he could possibly never give her. He wanted to argue, to fight, to demand that Arshia be left with him. Tell her that he had looked after her for fifteen months, that he had been the one that had been there for the child whilst Khushi had hidden herself in a remote corner of the world. But he didn't because he knew it was wrong, because he knew he had been the one to drive her there. Everything that was happening, everything that she was going through all of it was his fault. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he continued to watch his little baby, feeling like his very heart was crackling, tearing under the pressure. He gulped back the tears that were on the edge of falling, not even having the strength to look up into her eyes. Closing his eyes for a second he gathered his thoughts, losing himself in the pain that seemed to take over him completely and for once decided to do the right thing. His molten caramel eyes met her confused hazel orbs, their clear decisions clashing. Looking to Arshia for what felt like the last time he slowly nodded. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Her eyes widened in return, not quite able to recognise this weak man that stood in front of her, his head bowed, his shoulders hunched, his eyes hardly meeting hers. She saw him turn away, not bothering to look at her again and for the first time she felt unsure of her decision. If he had deliberately hidden Arshia from her why was he giving in this easily?<br />
<br />
"I'll... I'll tell Di to pack her stuff and then get someone to deliver the rest of it," he mumbled, his voice cracking at points as he fought to keep his emotions at bay.<br />
<br />
She didn't understand any of this, this wasn't the Arnav Singh Raizada she knew. The one that demanded, threatened, had his way; this was a different man and after so many years she felt utterly confused.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
"So baby where's your room?" Khushi smiled at her daughter, her little bundle of joy, letting Arshia wrap her small hand around her fingers as she grinned back then turning away began to lead her up the stairs, her feet taking each step at a time. Khushi felt that her heart would almost burst with pride at the sight in front of her, her hatred growing in an instant at Arnav for keeping this truth from her.<br />
<br />
Her feet stalled almost of their own accord infront of the room that was so familiar yet not in so many ways. Her memories coming back to her in flashbacks, her lonely nights, waking up to tear soaked pillows. She couldn't stop the tears that once again filled her eyes and that's when she saw him. His body was perfectly erect, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he looked out at the stars that twinkled above. She didn't know what to make of her life anymore.<br />
<br />
The gentle tug of Arshia's hand pulled her out of her drowning sorrow and she began to move down with her, her feet slower on the ground than they had been before. It felt strange and yet pieces of her life seemed to just fall together as soon as she was back here. This had been the very place that had robbed her of her countless dreams and yet she had never imagined that it would be the same place that would give her something so special and precious back. Her thoughts were still in a muddle, it felt as if she was walking through hazy clouds, nothing quite hitting her properly but she knew that the times ahead stood better for her. In Arshia she saw that will to live again, the flicker of hope growing by the second and that's all she had ever wanted. She tried to suppress that weak part of her heart that still held feelings for Arnav, still attempted to see the good in him because she knew she was only fooling herself.<br />
<br />
As Arshia stepped into her room, her tiny feet padding against the thick carpet Khushi came to a complete standstill, her breath hitching in her throat, her mind completely frazzled, her jaw dropping open. Arshia tried to pull her with her but Khushi couldn't seem to find the strength in her limbs to move, her eyes fixated on the large portrait that was hung in front of her. She could almost hear the bolts of her brain clicking into place, she hadn't probed into it then but it had surprised her. She'd wanted to know how Arshia had recognised her despite not having ever seeing her and this answered all of her questions for in front of her was a large portrait of herself.<br />
<br />
Arshia having given up slowly waddled away to her play area, grabbing a soft toy on the way, quickly losing herself in her own world as Khushi stood there, seemingly frozen to the spot. She felt the world spin around her, everything coming into focus then out again. Nothing made sense! Nothing! He'd forced her to marry him, told her to leave, took her daughter away from her, made her believe her child was dead but taught her child who she was at the same time? Why was he doing this? What was he gaining out of it? She felt dizzy, bile rising in her throat, his words, her memories ringing through her ears and she wanted to run away again. Just hide herself where no one would be able to find her.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
His every sense felt crippled, his heart constricting and more than anything he felt that fear closing in on him again. The fear of losing. He stood up suddenly, feeling as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He didn't know what he would do if he lost Arshia, up until now everything he had held close, he had lost and he could see history repeating itself.<br />
<br />
He wasn't even aware of how fast he had walked out of his room and ended up in front of Arshia's, his eyes instantly falling upon the lone figure int he middle, her fingers at her temples, her petite body unsteady and it was that familiar sensation that hit him this time. His foot went forward of its own accord, his arms outstretched as she fell straight into his arms then collided into his chest. Their gazes clashing for a second, molten caramel against dazzled hazel. Her fingers tightened on his shirt, her eyes squeezing shut. He felt fear in the pits of his stomach, his heart thudding away in his chest, the sensation of holding her in his own grasp tormenting him.<br />
<br />
"Khushi? Khushi?" He questioned as she struggled and fell further against him, his arms tightened around her, preventing her fall. "Khushi? Khushi?" He shook her this time, not sure of what else to do, the fear that he felt at that very moment all too clear.<br />
<br />
She gulped, her throat dry, that familiar feeling of nausea rising up her throat. Her hands struggled against his arms at first, not needing his help then gave in, she didn't have the strength in her to get back up. Her fingers dug into him as she fought to keep straight. "I just... I need water and maybe something to eat, I just don't feel too good," she mumbled, her voice weak and almost inaudible.<br />
<br />
He nodded back, bringing her up and resting her against him, then sending his arm around her, hoisted her up into his arms.<br />
<br />
"Chotey? Chotey?!" Anjali came running in, the panic clear in her voice then rushed over to Khushi immediately, her hand falling on to Khushi's forehead.<br />
<br />
"Chotey what happened? Is Khushiji alright?" She questioned.<br />
<br />
He nodded slowly, then began to walk out of the room just as Arshia came running towards Arnav, her small arms going around his leg.<br />
<br />
"Papa... Mamma?" She questioned, her large eyes darting from her mother to her father. Arnav attempted to smile back, feeling completely and utterly drained.<br />
<br />
"Baby don't worry Mamma just hasn't had food all day so she's tired okay huni," he looked to Anjali, she nodded immediately, not needing words to understand her brother.<br />
<br />
"Arshu baby come Masi will take care of you okay," she cooed lifting her into her arms and smiled reassuringly at Arnav.<br />
<br />
<br />
He felt weak himself, emotionally drained, not sure of what to do or say anymore. He wanted Khushi back, no needed her back, he couldn't afford to let Arshia go. He wanted a family. But was that what he deserved? Maybe not.<br />
<br />
He felt the memories flood through him all over again as he placed her on his bed, <i>their </i>bed. Her eyes were tight shut, her forehead scrunched up. His hand went out to her, desperately wanting to smoothen those wrinkles on her soft skin but stopped himself. He had given up that right all those years ago. Gathering himself quickly, the tattered pieces of his unfixable mind he strode out of the room in search of Hari Prakash then deciding against it went to look for food himself.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
"Shyam you do understand that your offence was a large one and that Mr Arnav Singh Raizada has the money and the power to actually put me out of a job if I go ahead with this?"<br />
<br />
"Oh shut up Roy! You and I both know the ways of the trade. Plus you are currently out of money and if you get me out I'll give you that money," Shyam stated matter-of-factly, straightening up and leaning over on the desk, that snarl firmly present on his face.<br />
<br />
"On what grounds Shyam? What am I appealing for here?" Roy questioned not in the least able to catch onto any part of Shyam's plan.<br />
<br />
"Well I know that Arnav Singh Raizada's dear wife has gone missing of late and he nor anyone else is aware of her whereabouts," Shyam stated quite clearly satisfied on gaining this piece of information.<br />
<br />
"And what does that have to do with this?" Roy questioned, his brows furrowed, not understanding any of what was being said.<br />
<br />
Shyam exhaled loudly, his fists falling on the table, his face contorting into those manic features again. "For the love of god!" He exclaimed. "We claim that she was involved. That this had been her plan all along to get back at Arnav for his six month contract marriage to her,"<br />
<br />
Roy nodded, attempting to finally understand, his fingers flicking at the copy of the contract that Shyam had managed to obtain.<br />
<br />
"We then claim that on finding that her plan had backfired she'd fled the country," Shyam stated, his lips curling up with satisfaction as he slowly leaned back on the chair, appraising his colleagues confused expression.<br />
<br />
"And what of the child?" Roya asked suddenly, still not quite gathering what Shyam's intentions were.<br />
<br />
A snarl creeped up his face, his eyes alight in an almost manic fashion, he leaned forward on the desk, his palms pressed together, "and that's where the judge believes me my friend because the evidence is quite simply against her."<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She fluttered her eye lashes a couple of times before opening her eyes completely, her hands automatically clenching the sheets as the nauseous pain hit her once more, her face scrunching up as she tried to ignore it. Her head felt heavy and she could feel her stomach knotting and clenching. She felt disorientated for a few seconds, her surroundings coming to her slowly, a large glass wardrobe, a green recliner, a large wind-chime. She sat up immediately, her eyes wide, gasping for breath. Was this a nightmare?<br />
<br />
He was at her side immediately, his arm going around her shoulders, nothing but concern etched in those chocolate brown eyes of his. "Khushi are you alright? Will I get you more pain killers? Will I get you the food?" He bombarded her with questions, all of his insecurities, his coherent thoughts lost somewhere in the midst of his overwhelming concern for her well-being.<br />
<br />
She stared at him for a moment, his worried face, his brows knotted together, how his words came out in a flurry but her frozen thoughts quickly gave way to her scarring memories. She began to struggle against him, shrugging his arm away.<br />
<br />
He looked to her accusingly for a second, frustrated with her defiance but then his eyes widened as his understanding resurfaced. He broke away from her immediately, standing up and looking away, down, anywhere. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, taking several steps away. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I..." He shook his head, she didn't need anymore of his words. "I'm sorry... I'll send HP in with the food, you should eat something... It's... It's pretty late so if you think it right, stay here the night, you can sleep here," he mumbled then began to walk away, fighting against a second glance back.<br />
<br />
Her eyes automatically flickered out of the large french doors into the darkness and the first thing she noticed was the barren walls, gone were the potted plants, the large blooming flowers, now replaced by empty corners, void of anything. Dismissing her thoughts quickly she tried to process what he had said. She had Arshia to take with her, she had to go home and reconcile, that couldn't be done now. He was right. Nodding to herself she looked to him, "I'll stay but I'll take the guest room," she stated, the words knocking off of his already battered heart.<br />
<br />
He swallowed hard, not too sure if he even had the energy to speak anymore, "I don't sleep here anymore, so you're more than welcome to sleep in here but if you still don't want to then you can sleep in a guest room too," he finally replied, his voice low and tired then walked out, leaving a completely surprised Khushi behind.<br />
<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
She twisted and turned on the bed, too many images flashing through her mind. In one remote corner of her mind she was happy, inexplicably happy. That last image of Arshia still played over on her mind, her little baby sleeping in the snuggled up comforts of her cot. It warmed her, creating this bubble of joy that seemed to just seep through her, into her every pore. But then on the other hand she felt confused, at a loss for what to do next. She wanted to take Arshia with her but she couldn't will the strength into her to take her away from Arnav. He had taken her baby away from her, kept her away for fifteen months and yet she was so ready to just give into him. She sat up awake, her eyes taking their time to adjust to the darkness, it was 3 am. She rubbed her hand at the base of her throat, it felt dry and parched. She fumbled around for a jug of water but found none. She felt lost, stranded, taking a deep breath and calming her senses she slowly got out of bed and walked out of the room.<br />
<br />
Her feet were light against the floor, it was weird, being here again, where he was, back in a place that she had vowed never to return to. She could still remember her nights, the accusations, she forced her eyes shut for a moment, willing those thoughts away. She turned around out of habit, her feet had somehow stopped at <i>his</i> door. She allowed herself a peak in, her eyebrows arching together. His bed was empty, the door wide open. She didn't know why but she slowly walked in.<br />
<br />
<i>I don't sleep in here anymore</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
His words came back to her, what did that mean? Her feet were slow as she allowed herself to walk around the room, it suddenly hit her how desolate it felt. She noticed even in the darkness that he hadn't removed any of the small things that she had left behind.<br />
<br />
Her wind-chime still clinked its music to the wind.<br />
<br />
The stars she had hung at a corner of the room, still twinkled upon the gleam of the moon.<br />
<br />
She turned the light on, plunging the room into brightness. Her fingers brushed over the handles of the drawers then finally pulled one open, feeling her heart almost stop at the sight before her. The jewellery that she had been given when she had arrived, all the boxes that she had left behind still lay in the drawer. She closed that one quickly, opening another one. Her files and books. The next one; her little trinket boxes full of all of the earrings and rings that she had acquired. She stepped back, refusing to look at anymore. Why had he kept all of her stuff?<br />
<br />
She walked down the steps slowly, lost in her own messed up world, a thousand thoughts coursing through her. Her eyes followed the path of the moonlight as it bathed the house in it's light, her gaze freezing the very next second. She felt her whole body go numb.<br />
<br />
He sat there against the large glass window, the side of his face illuminated through the moonlight. His streaks of tears glistening down his face.<br />
<br />
She wasn't so sure anymore...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b style="color: magenta;"><i>Okay P.S. I feel that this story has been I dunno on for a while now and with my phase of late updates it sort of stalled for a couple of months too. So I'm giving you guys a choice this time. I can either separate them and have Arnav repent or keep them together and make Arnav repent (either way he repents lol or well already has but we'll get into that later). Basically I'm stuck on this idea and I can't decide :/. And the second one I can speed it up and end it quickly or keep things at the same pace. So lemme know. </i></b><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><b><i>So I'm passing the decision to you guys, majority wins ;) </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><b><i>Silent readers as well your opinions count so let me know, I don't bite xxx</i></b></span></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-34871118874823496392012-11-10T16:17:00.001-08:002012-11-10T17:13:40.015-08:00Chapter 8 - Our Little Angel <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<b><i>Psst... A little erm surprise/clue in this chapter ;). It's quite sad so sorry about that, especially during the crisis that has taken over IPK. But just hang in there guys! In the end everything will work out I'm sure and if it doesn't ... well I'll still be growing old and telling my grandchildren that I used to watch an epic show called IPK that had the same amount of drama off-screen as it had on-screen :P xx. </i></b></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>All because of you,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>I believe in angels,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>not the kind with wings</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>no, not the kind with halos,</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>the kind that bring you home</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>when home becomes a strange place</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- The Good Left Undone, Rise Against</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
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Khushi felt her feet slow of their own accord as she approached the door. The familiar pillars, the many layers of paint on them that she could still feel on her fingertips. He saw the tremble of her slight frame, her head slowly bow down as if in defeat as her footsteps neared the house, his house where had given her nothing but pain, the same house he had asked her to leave, the same house which had now become an open prison. He gulped down the torrents of pain that threatened to assault him once more, the onset of loss not far from him, he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second as her feet neared the threshold never had he imagined that his fate would be determined in such a way.<br />
<br />
He hurried his footsteps as she took a step to the side, making sure that their bodies did not so much as touch and he felt that wave of pain pass through him once more. If only he could go back he would. He felt the key shake in his hand as it rattled slightly in the lock, he clenched his other hand into a fist, fighting for control. He was sure that if this control faltered for even a second he would come crashing down break down in front of her like the broken man that he now was. The knob almost slipped out of his hand, his nerves getting the better of him and he was sure he could already hear her tiny footsteps approaching. He tried to remember that face of his angel once more, try to calm himself by letting himself know exactly why he was doing this. His Arshia deserved a mother, Khushi deserved her child and he refused to acknowledge what he deserved of fear of what his own mind would answer in reply.<br />
<br />
Khushi blinked several times, the large droplets of tears flowing down obstructing her view, she felt herself ebb forward, this little thing peaking out through the crack of the open door making her heart melt and bow to the floor. Her hand unconsciously went towards the almost toothless grin as the little girl continued to look only at Arnav. Khushi looked up then, her heart faltering for the smallest of seconds as she saw the serene gentleness that had now overtaken Arnav's features. She tightened her eyes shut, sorting her thoughts then taking a deep breath in let her hand touch the soft skin of her daughter and she felt herself fall to her knees as large caramel eyes looked to her, the little girls small smile disappearing in an instant.<br />
<br />
She blinked several times, trying to recognise this face that she had seen many times before, she knew who it was. She took another step forward as Arnav too crouched next to Khushi and watched their little daughter, her small feet soft against the ground as she moved closer to Khushi. Khushi felt her eyes close under her gentle touch as Arshia placed her palm on Khushi's face, tentatively feeling for familiarity. The tears began to streak down Khushi's face, she felt herself loosing, falling into the depths of a feeling that she couldn't even begin to comprehend, her limbs going numb and weak.<br />
<br />
Her eyes snapped open as Arshia's hand suddenly left her, she put her hand forward again unable to take being away from her for even a second but Arshia clapped her hands together, her small fingers coming together to make the smallest of sounds. Her face broke out into a large smile as she giggled to herself for a second, "mamma!" She exclaimed suddenly and all Khushi could do was stare on, her eyes wide, her mouth open, tears brimming in her eyes then falling down in torrents down her cheeks. She felt her mind go blank then, all she could see was Arshia all she could hear was that one word that she had thought she would never hear in her life. Her arms went out to Arshia automatically, engulfing her in her warm embrace, she cuddled her warm bundle of joy to her chest, her head bowed against her head, her sobs coming out in large hiccups as she rocked her back and forth.<br />
<br />
Arnav watched this as if he was sitting in a distant place, Khushi's warm face against his angels soft cheeks, her affectionate little kisses, the tears glistening down her face, his mind suddenly numb to impending fears. A slow hopeful smile adorned his face, his eyes carrying the spark from years ago as he watched his family finally becoming complete. At the back of his mind hoping that maybe just maybe he would get a chance to pay back for all of his wrong, that maybe just maybe Khushi would give him another chance.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi held Arshia in her arms, unable to comprehend the sheer storm of emotions coursing through her. All she knew was that she was finally holding her, this soft bundle of joy in her arms, soft tears continued to stream down her cheeks and she didn't make an attempt to wipe them away. Instead she rested her head against smiling Arshia, revelling in the beauty of the one thing she had thought she'd lost forever. Her arms involuntarily tightened around the tiny form, needing to just hide her from the whole world. "Aw my baby, how I thought I had lost you forever," she murmured into Arshia's hair, her tears dampening the silky strands. She didn't understand any of it, her heart still refused to believe that Arnav could be so cruel, so heartless, she couldn't find the strength in her to understand how he could hate her to such an extent. And then why had he finally told her? Why now? What did he want to prove? Was it guilt? Had he finally figured something out that now he was trying to make amends. Why was she never able to understand him. The glimmering beams of moonlight bathed her and her daughter in it's divine light as Khushi stood cradling her baby in her arms for the very first time.<br />
<br />
<i>Love </i><br />
<i>I get so lost, sometimes</i><br />
<i>Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart</i><br />
<i>When I want to run away I drive off in my car</i><br />
<i>But, whichever way I go I come back to the place you are</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>But all my instincts - they return</i><br />
<i>The grand facade so soon will burn</i><br />
<i>Without a noise - without my pride</i><br />
<i>I reach out from the inside</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He watched from afar as she stood near the large glass panelled windows, he didn't know what to say or to do, how to amend all that he had done wrong. As he watched her with her arms wound tightly around their daughter, the tiny shimmers from the tears than ran down her cheeks he felt his heart melt and become numb. How long had he waited for this? How hard had he tried? To bring back what was lost, to give back what he had taken, to bring their lives back to this somewhat complete point. But in the midst of all the happiness that he was supposed to be feeling he couldn't stop his mind from whirring back to that feeling of impending grief. Because he knew that this would not last, that the mistakes he had committed were no longer forgivable in her eyes and he knew that she misunderstood him, thought that he had kept her baby away from her and he couldn't blame her, couldn't muster up the strength to be angry at her. He hadn't given her the option of explaining herself all those years ago so what right did he have to demand that chance from her. He couldn't keep the tears from gathering up in his eyes any longer but didn't want to breakdown and cry either. And that carried with it the biggest pain of all, the burden of keeping too many things bottled up inside, for so many years, for what felt like a lifetime for he had let go of the only person that had offered to lift away his burdens. He felt himself crumbling, he was breaking down, he could see it clearly now. Arshia in Khushi's arms, already forming their own little world that he was not a part of, he gulped back more tears as Khushi looked back and their gazes met, glimmering hazel against drowning caramel orbs.<br />
<br />
<i>In your eyes - the light, the heat</i><br />
<i>I am complete in your eyes</i><br />
<i>See the doorways of a thousand churches in your eyes</i><br />
<i>The resolution of all the fruitless searching</i><br />
<i>In Your Eyes</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Love love love love love</i><br />
<i>I don't like to see so much pain</i><br />
<i>So much wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away</i><br />
<i>I get so tired working so hard for our survival</i><br />
<i>I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive</i><br />
<i><br /></i>She felt herself waver for a moment as they looked into each others eyes for what felt like the longest of times and somewhere inside her she wanted to forget it all, give him another chance. It was as if her heart was adamant on just forgiving him. Those molten caramel eyes, she wanted to believe them, take the plunge, complete the family that she had just found. She felt her heart constrict then, words from the past resurfacing. All that he had said, all that he had done, she forced her eyes shut for a second then looked away, gathering her thoughts.<br />
<br />
He waited quietly, his limbs weak, his throat constricting, he didn't have to hear it to know what was going to happen next and for the first time in his life he didn't know how he would react, what he would do. Arnav Singh Raizada was at a complete loss and somewhere inside he knew he had already made that decision.<br />
<br />
<i>But, all my instincts - they return</i><br />
<i>The grand facada so soon will burn</i><br />
<i>Without a noise - without my pride</i><br />
<i>I reach out from the inside</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Her footsteps were slow, soft as she paced over towards him, his eyes not leaving her for a second, the fear within them so clearly evident that she almost reconsidered her decision for a minute. She tightened her hold against Arshia once more, her eyes determined as her little daughter finally slept with her head in the space of Khushis neck. She saw him straighten as she finally stood in front of him, her gaze fixed on his haggard face. She allowed herself a better look at him, the handsom features that were still there behind the darkened stubble, the sunken eyes. She wanted to run her fingers over his face, watch him lean his face into her palm, his eyes close over as his lips gently pecked her skin but she wouldn't. She blinked several times, bringing that composure back. He looked like he hadn't slept in months and she wanted to comfort him, but she didn't. Instead she took a step towards him, holding his gaze and she uttered the words that he had been dreading all along,<br />
<br />
"Arnav, I'm taking Arshia with me."<br />
<br />
<i>Love </i><br />
<i>I get so lost, sometimes</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
****<br />
<br />
The muscles of his face twitched several times as a faint glimmer of the moon cut through the railings of the small square window up above. A slow snarl spread on his lips. It wouldn't be too long now till he got out.<br />
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-59835138409950353532012-11-09T03:49:00.001-08:002012-11-09T13:50:48.652-08:00Important Notes Reg. All FFs<br />
So I still don't quite understand what is going on and frankly I'm not happy with any of it either. I hate being left out in the blind and not even knowing who exactly to be more pissed off at. But if Barun is leaving for good then I honestly wish him the best of luck and hope he reaches more and more heights in his career. It is a show after all and one of these days it had to come to an end.<br />
<br />
For me I don't care if it continues or not anymore, although I would personally like it to end if Barun is not going to remain in the show.<br />
<br />
Anyway regarding my FFs, I know some people have decided to wrap up their stories etc. etc. And therefore I have received some PMs asking if I will be wrapping up my FFs or just leaving them or whatever. And the answer to that is no I will not be wrapping up my FFs or discontinue writing :). Be rest assured. I have a lot of readers that have stuck with me even through the bad times so thank you so much for that and I'll keep writing as long as you guys show me the support :). I can understand a lot of people leaving IPK altogether with what has happened and I am also one of them although I won't stop reading FFs so for all the other people like me I will not be stopping them :).<br />
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Just imagine Barun in all of my Arnav/ASR roles, especially the Diwali Barun with the short hair :P. But then again I don't mind his hair part if that's what ya guys like :P.<br />
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Right now my updates are appearing a bit too late because I have piles and piles of work to get through. But I promise to sort my life out as soon as and get the updates up real quick!<br />
<br />
I know a lot of you are demotivated and to be frank I was pretty down about this issue yesterday as well but I've made peace with it and moved on reassuring myself that IPK finished on a happy note after Shyam left :P.<br />
<br />
I have also started a new FF which actually focuses on going back through all of the old episodes and re-writing aspects of them into the future, to sort of re-live the magic. So hope you like that :).<br />
<br />
Updates will be re-starting starting tonight and I hope to get "When Truth Prevails," "Paper Roses" and "The ASR-KKG Files" updated by Sunday night. "A Sprinkle of Stardust is going through a sort of transformation in my mind so that will probably only be up mid-week next week :).<br />
<br />
Sorry for the delay once again!<br />
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If the show does end here and the forum closes down or I stop coming on to IF or whatever the stories will always be updated on my blog!<br />
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The main index blog link is this: <a href="http://beyondthestarsindex.blogspot.co.uk/">Beyond The Stars Index</a> and it will always have a list of all of my FFs and OSs.<br />
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I hope you guys do continue to read my work and continue to leave your lovely amazing comments that never fail to make me smile! Stick in there guys! IPK or the true essence of it when it started was epic and legendary and it will always continue to be! In the end we only remember the good times so just remember the good times ;).<br />
<br />
Lotsa Love Pinks xxBeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-26922413205212682672012-10-27T03:55:00.000-07:002012-10-27T03:55:53.059-07:00Chapter 7 - Rainbows Against My Murky Sea<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>The unspoken words</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>will always be more haunting</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>than the ones you said.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>- Tyler Knott Gregson</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><i>~</i></b></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><br /></b></span></i>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: 'Trebuchet Ms', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 17px;">"Don't you want to know that," he pulled her closer, causing her to look straight into his eyes, "that you have a CHILD!" He finally shouted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">She stood their for what felt like minutes on end, his cold, determined penetrating gaze clashing against her shocked, wide hazel spheres. She felt her body lose all feeling of sensation, a coldness seeping from the tips of her toes to her very core. He let go of his grip on her arms and she felt herself stumble back a few steps. It was as if she had just been slapped with cold ice and burning embers both at the once. She felt the slow burning, creep up through her heart, already shattering it into a million pieces. How could he? She closed her eyes for a second, letting the warm drops of tears that had gathered in them trail down her cheeks. Her fingers crumpled the fabric of her trousers as she took another few cautious steps away from him. "Please leave," her voice was a trembling whisper. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">His eyes widened, not quite sure of what was going on anymore, his expression mirroring that which had been on hers only seconds ago. "But Khushi," he tried, his voice husky and pained. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">She stopped him her hand up in front of him, her fingers shaking with the effort of keeping her emotions at bay. "Please leave," she repeated a raw tremble running through her voice. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"Khushi but," he struggled, taking another step towards her as she took one back. He attempted to place his hand on her arm but she flinched away, the raw pain, the re-surfacing hatred all too clear in her bloodshot eyes. She watched him like that for a few seconds, the span of time freezing around them. His confused </span></span><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">demeanour, her outraged blazing orbs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"Please Arnav just leave! Just LEAVE!" She screamed finally, the anger and the hurt both blending into one as her voice cracked on the last note. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">He felt himself loose control again. Why the hell was she not listening to him? Arshia's vivid golden brown eyes flashed across his face, her bright dazzling smile that could put his heart through a thousand leaps. Why the hell did she not want to know about their little angel? Why would she not want to at least see her, no never mind that, hear about her? Did she know about Arshia already. No that couldn't be the case, how would she have found out? His brows scrunched together in fury, his eyes turned into a dark charred caramel, he clenched his jaw, his nostrils flaring. He took another threatening step forward, causing the heel of her foot which she had just taken back to hit the doorstep. He grabbed her wrist. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">She looked at him, pain dripping out of her eyes in the form of hot tears, "Arnav please," she tried this time, unable to bring anymore strength to her voice, feeling completely drained, completely devoid of energy. "Arnav please let me go. Please just go," she squirmed in his grasp as he pulled her closer to himself, his hot breath on her face. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">He stopped himself then, a slow dawning hitting his mind as his fingers nimbly loosened their grip. "Khushi," his voice was gentler, "why would you?" He began again just as she pulled away out of his grasp. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"Arnav just leave! Just leave just leave!" She began to yell, her screams broken through her unyielding sobs. "Is this what you came back for? Is this why you came back?" She needed to get rid of him, she needed to get it all out and she would. She took a step towards him this time, her eyes like fiery embers. Slightly startled, for the first time in his life, he felt himself take a step back. "This is why you came back! After all of these years!" She continued as he watched her in confusion; her shaking finger, the trembling muscles of her face, her cheeks a dark shade of pink, her hazel orbs like he had never seen before. "To remind me! To ask me! To accuse me! Whatever the hell it is you want to gain! You are just! You are," she was loosing her train of thought again, she could feel it coming, the throbbing at the back of her head, the numbing pain that caused her heart to sear into a million pieces every time. Arnav watched unable to even gulp as she leaned against the wall, her fingers trailing down the smooth paint, her cheek hitting the cold surface, her eyes blinking slowly, large droplets of tears dripping down her face. He watched as she crumpled down to the ground, his senses seemingly having become closed down, he watched her break down, what all that he had done had really meant hitting him truly for the first time. "I, I tried," she gulped, "I tried to save her, I would have given my life to keep her," she hugged her hand to her chest as she sat their, at the corner grieving for what she had lost and he stood there, stock still, unable to fathom what was going on, his unbearable guilt not allowing him to comfort her. "But I couldn't! I couldn't!" She screamed, her sobs ragged and torn, "she was already dead, my baby." She attempted to wipe some of the tears trailing down her cheeks with the back of her hand, "my baby, she was dead," the pain, the heartbreak, those memories of her broken past that she wished did not exist were all re-surfacing and this time she wasn't sure how she would get out of them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">Arnav gulped down his own choking tears, put a stop to his heart which he could feel slowly sinking to the pits of his stomach. He felt her pain, every burning ounce of it, in equal intensities, he understood her now, why she had reacted in such a way. She didn't understand, no she didn't know the truth, the truth which had been difficult for his own self to fathom never mind a person as broken and agonised as Khushi. He crouched down next to her, putting his arm out to comfort her, his fingers already out-stretched then stopped himself again. A lone tear escaped his eye, he didn't have the right to do that anymore, a man who had caused such pain, taken all that she had had away from her didn't deserve to be the same person that would comfort her. He watched as she grieved with her head between her knees, her tears drenching the fabric of her harems and he thought of how he couldn't even imagine putting himself in her place, of losing a child that you had carried inside you even after all that you had endured and his hand rested on her shoulder of it's own accord. She looked up suddenly, her tormented hazel orbs clashing against his muddied brown ones and in that unblinking moment an understanding sparked between the two. Her loud sobs hushed into small sniffles, she seemed stuck on that point, upon the intense penetrating gaze. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"That's not why I came here," his voice was controlled yet quiet, his gaze still firmly on her, taking in every tiny detail of her face, her slightly flaring nostrils, the teardrop nestled in her eyelash, threatening to fall off of the brink onto her soft satin cheeks. He moved his thumb to just below her eye, catching it before it fell to the ground in its demise and she flinched slightly, her eyes now startled but he brought his other hand round to her arm and pulled her in closer, his gaze not wavering for a second. "If I tell you that I can feel your pain, that would be wrong," he began, his voice still soft, "if I ask you for forgiveness it wouldn't be enough," he admitted, the clarity in his eyes almost unnerving. "But today neither am I here to accuse you nor ask for your forgiveness, the first which you don't deserve and the second that I don't deserve." She continued to watch him, completely baffled, her tears subsiding now, leaving only salty remnants in it's gait. He moved both his hands on to her shoulders and sighing bowed his head down, closing his eyes for a second he took a deep breath in. She felt her heart beat stutter and pause, her breath hitch in her throat. His voice was a bare whisper, heavy with regret, with anguish, he refused to meet her eyes as he spoke. "Khushi, I don't know how to tell you this, how you'll take it, what consequences it will have on my own life. But I must because I've hurt you too much, I've let this go on for too long. Khushi..." He looked up this time, to hazel orbs of confusion, "Khushi, your daughter, <i>our</i><i style="font-weight: bold;"> </i>daughter," he emphasised "our" because he feared leaving it at "your", feared what that would mean, "Khushi she's alive." Her eyes widened, she tried to move away from him but he held on, his grasp firm. "Khushi she never died, you were made to believe that, she's with me, I tried..."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">She pushed his arms away from her, pushing herself back then stood up, the array of emotions flickering through her face, inexplainable. "You're lying!" She shouted, fresh tears spurting out of her eyes, "YOU'RE LYING!" She yelled. "You're lying," her voice finally became a hoarse whisper as she broke down all over again. He jumped forward this time, sending his arms around her as she leaned into him, her body heaving with the loud sobs that racked her body. "You're lying, she died, the doctor told me that I had lost her," she continued through her tears as he held onto her. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"No Khushi," he closed his eyes for a second, controlling himself before he too broke down in front of her. Still holding onto her he brought out his wallet with his other hand. "Khushi look at me, Khushi you need to believe me," he mumbled just as she looked up into his eyes once more. He opened his wallet out, bringing the little inlet for pictures in front of her, his fingers covering up the photo that he had of Khushi and only revealing to her that of Arshia. "Khushi that's her, that's our daughter," he murmured just as she grabbed onto it, her own picture at the far side of the wallet not escaping her eyes for a second. She hurriedly wiped the tears away from her eyes, fixing her blurred vision, her eyes falling onto the smiling little girl. She looked like an angel, large dark eyelashes framing bright golden caramel eyes, a tiny button-like nose, her small toothy smile, the tiny curls of hair that framed her face. She continued to look at the face of her little angel for what felt like an eternity, not even able to explain the many emotions that coursed through her. He watched her in silence, the tender beauty of Khushi's face, the shock, the love, the relief all too clear in her features, he watched as her hands shook but she still continued to hold onto the wallet with all her might then closing her eyes brought it to her chest, hugging the picture of her little angel to herself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">Khushi let the warm tears trail down her cheeks, this slow sense of calm spreading through her own being. It felt as if something had been lifted off of her shoulders. She was still alive, her little angel was alive, she felt at peace with herself, she felt this nudging feeling of happiness again. It was all coming back and it was all overwhelming, she sat there for what felt like forever, his wallet in her hands, hugging her little daughters picture to herself. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">He wanted to engulf her in his arms in that instant, make all of her worries, her heartbreak go away but didn't let himself, for he had lost that right a long time back, he no longer felt he had the right to comfort her, not when he had been the one to give her all of this pain in the first place. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i>Khushi she's alive</i> </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">His words came back to her again, the deeper meaning to them, her fingers on his wallet tightened on the leather edges of his wallet, a new fury now bubbling to the surface. He'd hidden it from her, for 15 months! He'd hid her daughters existence from her. Her small hands formed into fists as she let his wallet drop to the ground. He looked up suddenly, taken aback by her reaction. She stood up slowly, picked up the wallet and outstretched her arm, holding it out to him as he too stood up, his eyes carefully scrutinising her features. She continued to stare away from him, a coldness to her otherwise soft gaze, a light tremble running through her body from all of the emotions clouding her mind. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"Take me to her," she stated, looking towards him now, her eyes steely and penetrating. He took a step towards her, trying to read her guarded expression, he didn't understand. She didn't seem to want to know anymore than that, he had been so prepared to tell her everything, everything from the beginning but now it seemed she just wanted to see Arshia. He looked down, fearing the worst, fearing the consequences of what it may lead to. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">"Arnav take me to my daughter," she said it on purpose, she was not <i>their </i>daughter, she was only her daughter; her child that Arnav had dared to keep away from her for a year and a half! And she'd be damned if she allowed him to continue. "Just take me to her now, I'll pack my bags in five minutes, wherever she is you're taking me there," she stated with finality whilst he continued to look away from her. That was all she said, she didn't demand an explanation, she didn't ask why he'd kept it from her for so long, she didn't ask where she was right now. All she knew was that she needed to see her daughter and bring her away from this beast of a man, because that's what he was, she had been stupid to think anything else of him. He was a beast, a cold, ruthless, heartless shell of a man whose vengeance knew no bounds. She had been wrong about him then and she would continue to be wrong about him. A man not capable of love did not deserve it back. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i>Please don't let this turn into something it's not</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i>I can only give you everything I've got</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i>I can't be as sorry as you think I should</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i>But I still love you more than anyone else could</i></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;">He stuffed his hands into his pockets, shutting his eyes as the she entered her flat, banging the door shut behind her, almost as if it had impacted off of him. He knew from her cols gaze, her sudden distance, the distaste in her voice. All of those years ago he had committed a mistake; the biggest mistake of his life and he knew that all of these years later he would finally pay for it. </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong</span></i><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><br /></i>
<i>The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could</i></span><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">The wight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love</span></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He sat next to her, feeling the craft become weightless, his thoughts become heavy, his mind chaotic. His observed the cold exterior of the woman that now sat next to him, the woman that he had created, that his mistakes had given way too. Their moments played through his mind, her soft gentle words, the gleaming tears in her eyes, her endurance, her love, her sacrifices and he felt himself crumble all over again, the pain too real from all that he had caused. And now her unnerving adamant gaze that spoke volumes, let him understand her without a single word and the thought of it made bile rise up his throat. He felt it in his every limb, the loss that awaited him, he knew that just like he had not let her speak her side all those years ago this time she wouldn't give him a chance either. He closed his eyes, leaning back against the seat, a dozen memories of his little angel flashing across his mind and gulped down the tears that threatened to escape him, cursing the fate that was his life, the fact that he'd only known loss from the day he was born.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could </span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love</span></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
They both felt it, this new course that their lives would take and they both braced themselves for what was ahead of them; one at the prospect of seeing, of knowing about the one thing that had shattered her life completely on that fateful day a year and a half ago and one at that gnawing thought of the back of his mind of losing the one thing that held his life intact...<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">And I don't know where to look</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">My words just break and melt</span></i><br />
<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Please just save me from this darkness...</span></i><br />
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"></span><br />
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>~</b></span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>She remembered what hope was, and this was it. That inner churning that moves you forward, plows you through life that way the boats below plowed the shiny water, the way the plane was plowing forward to a place new, and where she was needed. - Elizabeth Strout, Olive Kitteridge</b></span></i></span></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>~</b></span></i></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 16.981481552124023px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-57298339169418468982012-10-13T09:37:00.000-07:002013-08-19T16:14:39.232-07:00Chapter 6 - Closed Chapters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdVjk3X92OFaShc01lQ7Sz270-5fAbsj1enL0I46K74s312cyzmDjK2-36BlggepNQ7ywMcNigxTu-B-MtM3iJ0NFK6YD2NckyOVHbCc9PIqJ9tyejknyxKcK46GqzelDLIf7ZoIikxS0/s1600/Your+every+little+detail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdVjk3X92OFaShc01lQ7Sz270-5fAbsj1enL0I46K74s312cyzmDjK2-36BlggepNQ7ywMcNigxTu-B-MtM3iJ0NFK6YD2NckyOVHbCc9PIqJ9tyejknyxKcK46GqzelDLIf7ZoIikxS0/s320/Your+every+little+detail.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="color: purple;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">~</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">I gave you everything you wanted, you gave me nothing but grief - Another Me, The Cab</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;">~</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br />
</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The sky was dark, the strands of grass long and wet, grazing against the bare skin of her feet, the insides of her pumps were wet and she struggled to walk properly with her feet slipping against the insides of them. The opening twinkled with tiny little lights, hanging off of the edges of everything. She stood behind the bark of a tree, her fingers trailing against the drenched wood, bits damp and breaking off into her fingers as her heart hammered away in her chest. Even after all of these years and all that he had put her through she found it difficult to stay away. She didn't attempt to wipe away the tears that now streaked down her cheeks, there was no point they didn't seem to seize from pouring. Her eyes traced the hard planes of his body as he stood looking upto the skies, allowing himself to be drenched with torrents of the rain that fell down, soaking him from head to toe. Why was he doing this? Even in the slosh of the rain as it fell to the ground, the loud pitter-pater of it as it dropped onto the plastic of her umbrella there was a deafening silence; the silence of the emptiness of their hearts. Why had he come back? Why now? She needed to get away before that silence engulfed her completely, she needed to get away before he got to her yet again. <br />
<br />
**** <br />
Khushi awoke the next morning, her eyes still droopy from the lack of sleep. She quickly slammed the alarm off and sat up in bed. There was a heavy coolness that she could feel around her and she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to turn the heaters on. She sighed deeply and put her legs out of the quilt, bracing herself for yet another monotonous day. She was slowly but surely trying to forget that he was back, that the black shadow of his presence was now only inches away from her but she was struggling.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Arnav strode over to the bathroom and bringing his hands together let the water collect in them then splashed it over his face. He did this several times till he felt that the tiredness had worn off, then turning the knob in the shower stepped in. Sleep didn't come to him normally anymore, ever since she had left he had become sort of an insomniac. Whenever he closed his eyes nightmares would engulf him, nightmares of his own sodden actions. And now the results of them were so horribly clear, he'd left her lifeless, hiding away in a secluded part of the world, hiding away from everything that she held close. He needed to talk to her, he needed to tell her, the burden of knowing that she lived a life of sorrow all because of him, that he had kept from her something that she deserved to know. Letting the water scorch his skin as he always did he slowly turned the knob down. His movements were precise measured, if it wasn't for routine he would find it difficult to survive.<br />
<br />
Bringing his phone out he quickly pressed down his Di's number and placed it to his ear, the cool drops of water of his still wet hair dripping down his neck and onto his t-shirt.<br />
<br />
"Di? How are you?" He began as he always did, first asking about her to take away from the fear that something could have happened whilst he was away.<br />
<br />
"I'm fine chottey. And she's fine," she answered back, a slight smile adorning her face, fully aware of why he called. It used to always be to actually see if she was okay but it wasn't anymore and she didn't miss that. In part she blamed herself, for being blind to the truth, for not bringing what she had found in front of him earlier, for letting him protect her over and over again and never letting him know that his happiness also mattered to her. His sole focus was now only on one person and it was as if her brother went blind and deaf to the rest of the world and if she was being honest she didn't blame him. All he had ever been given was unhappiness and now he held onto the only thing that gave him stability.<br />
<br />
"Has she eaten? Did she have dinner last night?" He questioned then, the concern clear in his voice.<br />
<br />
"Yes chottey she had dinner last night, somewhat reluctantly as always but I made sure she had enough food. And she's just ran off after having breakfast," she smiled fondly into the phone. "She is now out playing with Ayaan," she reassured him smiling and looked behind her to make sure that they were still within familiar distance.<br />
<br />
"That's great, please do call me when Arshia comes back," his voice was quiet, he spoke of her with a sort of devotion then slowly cut the call off.<br />
<br />
--<br />
<br />
"Arshia!" Anjali called out as she walked out into the back garden where Ayaan, her little son could be seen crawling around in his mat. She looked around a little, not able to find her at first. "Arshu baby? Where are you hunni?" She called out again just as a little face peaked out from behind the little plastic pony at the side. She walked over and crouched down, taking the little hand into hers, "hi baby? Your pappa called, he wants to talk to you," she smiled creating a similarly large grin on the little girls face, her two small front teeth visible through her otherwise toothless smile. Anjali watched for a few seconds, taking in the beauty of her brothers little bundle of joy, her eyes large and dove-like, just like her mothers, the small spheres however a golden caramel, what seemed to be mixture of her brothers and Khushi's, the little button like nose, her soft porcelain like skin. The similarities between Arshia and Khushi were striking and she couldn't even begin to understand how much it must hurt her brother to live unable to escape his memories of her. She'd watched as Arnav had gradually lost all of his happiness, first their parents, then Khushi, then his own mistakes; after Khushi had left he had become a cold hard shell, closing himself off from the rest of the world, refusing to converse with people unless needed, refusing to move on with life. And then Arshia had happened and she'd seen that tiny spark in his eyes, how he had fought tooth and nail for her and then the will to live back in him as he desperately tried to find Khushi, to tell her what had happened but all in vain. He hadn't found her and now Anjali was sure he never would and she'd seen his life come crashing down once again. And now his soul purpose was Arshia, if he lived, breathed, worked it was all for her. Anjali held out her finger which Arshia quickly sent her tiny fingers around, then running her other arm around her back lifted the little girl up. "Come baby, we'll go talk to pappa okay?" Anjali smiled as she carried her and walked back into the house. She knew that her brother's day would be incomplete without talking to his daughter.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Slowing down the car he signalled left then slowly turned in, scanning the numbers of the buildings. Thirteen, he needed to find thirteen, he drove extremely slowly, making sure that he did not miss it and that's when he finally spotted it. A large green door with the number thirteen etched on it. Moving a bit more forward he eased the car into a parking spot. He sat there for a few more seconds, taking in deep breaths and bracing himself for yet another encounter, that he expected to not go well. But if only he could get through to her once, let the words flow and tell her what he had to say. Although the fear of the unknown, what her finding out would bring to his life continued to crippled his senses he would inevitably have to tell her, and he would rather do that whilst Arshia was still a baby. He didn't want Arshia to grow up and find that he had kept her away from her mother and hate him too. He placed his hand on the gear stick, contemplating on just driving off once again. Would Arshia hate him? Would she find out? Yes she probably would and she would hate him. Would he be able to live with her hatred? He gulped, the fear too real for him to even think about it, he felt the strongest of pain engulf him then. No he wouldn't be able to live with her hatred, not Arshia's hatred. He let his fingers slide back off the gear stick and clenched them into a fist instead, scrunching his eyes shut for a moment, the raw agony in his face clear. Snapping his eyes back open he snatched the keys out of the slot then slammed his way out of the car. he would tell her. Today. Once and for all.<br />
<br />
The buzzer was broken, the door already open and he let himself in, flat number F, that would have to be the final one, his steps were measured, slow as his feet hit against the laminate flooring of the corridors then the steps, the pace of his heart beat increasing with each step.<br />
<br />
<i>In my life I don't mean much to anyone</i><br />
<i>I've lost my way can't go back anymore</i><br />
<i>Once I had everything now it's gone</i><br />
<i>Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before</i><br />
<br />
<i>Some people say that I'm not worth it </i><br />
<i>I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect</i><br />
<i>Guess I'll give it a try</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi's head snapped up suddenly, her fingers freezing on the apple that she had been cutting. She gulped, feeling fear and unease rapidly creep up her spine. Aryan had already arrived, then left for his hotel, he wouldn't come back without calling her first. Could it be? No! He wouldn't be able to find her. She quickly placed the apple on the counter and wiping her hands on the tea towel made her way over to the door, her bare feet slow on the wooden flooring. She could feel the slight tremble in her fingers, the way her heart seemed to almost skip every beat.<br />
<br />
He knocked again, sure that this was her flat, his knuckles loud against her wooden door. "Open the door Khushi, please open the door," he mumbled to himself just as it cracked open, the abruptness of it causing his hand to freeze mid-knock.<br />
<br />
<i>I've got one last chance to get myself together</i><br />
<i>I can't lose no more time it's now or never and I'll try to remember who I used to be </i><br />
<i>I've got one last chance to get myself together</i><br />
<br />
Her eye widened instantly, taking in the tall form of if she was being correct, her husband. She felt herself immediately take a step back. He seemed frozen to the spot for a few seconds, his cold hard gaze steadily trained on her.<br />
<br />
He felt his breath hitch in his throat, his heart pound through his ribs at a pace even he had not known possible. Was he breathing? Yes he was, damn it why did she always have this affect on him. He struggled to move his gaze away from her large hazel eyes, struggled to form coherent words. Then almost of their own accord his feet began to move forward, nearly crossing the threshold in to her flat when she snapped back into her senses and narrowed the opening in the door. She sighed then, the situation finally properly registering in her mind.<br />
<br />
"Why have you come here Arnav?" She questioned, all sense of emotion seemingly lost from her voice.<br />
<br />
He averted his gaze then, the shame and guilt consuming him once more, "I..." he struggled to form the right words, the cold almost mechanical edge to her voice scaring him.<br />
<br />
"Why are you back? Why now? After all of these years?" She continued, her cold gaze not wavering for a second and he struggled to meet her eyes, for fear of the hatred that he would see in them.<br />
<br />
"Khushi I just wanted to..." He tried again, his voice low, constrained.<br />
<br />
"You wanted to what Arnav?" She cut him off harshly, her brows knitting together in annoyance. "You wanted to start over again? Is that it? You think you can do all that you have done to me and start all over again? Is that it?" She questioned, she opened the door fully then, her fear of subsiding and commenced to standing in front of him with her arms folded, her expression challenging whilst he continued to look down, away from her.<br />
<br />
He allowed himself a seconds glance towards her then averted his eyes once more, her stance, the anger she seemed to have towards him too much for him to handle.<br />
<br />
"Please Khushi I just need to tell you something and then..."<br />
<br />
"No!" She exclaimed, feeling the tears now only seconds away from pouring out. "You cannot just walk back into my life and think you have the right to go ahead and tell me anything!" She screamed, bubbles of tears gathering up around the rims of her eyes, her finger pointed out towards him shaking and red.<br />
<br />
"Khushi I just," he tried again, wanting to just grab her hand and shout at her all over again but stifling that reaction for it would only make things worse.<br />
<br />
"NO!" She screamed, her gaze almost penetrating through him and he felt himself freeze to the spot. "NO! Just leave! JUST LEAVE!" She screamed as he stared back completely dumbfounded. "And do not ever come back!"<br />
<br />
"Khushi just once," he began to mumble again only to be cut off by her.<br />
<br />
"I mean it Arnav! Just leave! And if you come back I swear to you I will take out a restraining order!"<br />
<br />
He pounced forward suddenly, the contours of his face hardening, his eyes cold and unnerving, every muscle in his body tensed with the sudden anger that seemed to course through him as she looked up, her fears re-surfacing, almost crouching away from his frightening glare. "Just let me fucking speak damn it! Just for once let me speak!" He growled through gritted teeth, his fingers digging into her flesh.<br />
<br />
"You're hurting me Arnav," she struggled as she squirmed within his grip.<br />
<br />
"And what about the fact that I'm hurting? What about the fact that I need to tell you this before I break down completely!" He screamed, her eyes widening in shock in reaction.<br />
<br />
"How dare you? How dare you always think that only your pain matters? And what about all those times when I wanted to speak and you wouldn't let me?" She questioned, her voice equally as loud, her face now only inches away from him.<br />
<br />
He felt himself waver for a second, his grip on her loosening slightly, that had cut a little too deep, he gulped needing to go on. He slid his hands towards her wrists, tightening his hold on them once again and pulled her closer into himself. "Just let me say what I have to say Khushi. I need to get this out and then I'll leave, please, "his voice was quieter again, pleading, his chocolate brown eyes looking into the depths of hers as tears streamed out of her own.<br />
<br />
"I can't Arnav I can't let myself go back there again. Whatever you have to say I don't want to know," she mumbled looking away from him, not wanting to show him her tears, tears that shouldn't be flowing for him.<br />
<br />
"You do want to know," he tried to reason, shaking her wrists and making her look back up towards him.<br />
<br />
"I don't," she shook her head, looking away once again.<br />
<br />
"You do!" His voice was louder again.<br />
<br />
"I don't Arnav," she looked back at him, the determination clear in her eyes.<br />
<br />
"Don't you want to know..."<br />
<br />
"I don't Arnav! I don't want to know!" She screamed, their angry gazes now clashing. "I don't want to know!" She shouted again.<br />
<br />
"Don't you want to know Khushi..." He shouted again trying to get through to her, shaking her.<br />
<br />
"No I don't want to! I don't want to know anything!" She cut him off again.<br />
<br />
"Don't you want to know Khushi that..."<br />
<br />
"I don't..."<br />
<br />
"Don't you want to know that," he pulled her closer, causing her to look straight into his eyes, "that you have a CHILD!" He finally shouted.<br />
<br />
<i>I don't wanna be misunderstood </i><br />
<i>I've got to take this chance and make it into something good...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/gr8JsHlqf4I?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: magenta;"><b><i>There daughter's name is Arshia, I found it pretty apt and the fact that it actually is a real name made me quite happy. So hope you guys like it too :). It means heavenly or divine :). </i></b></span><br />
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-75588160844305116042012-10-12T16:31:00.001-07:002012-10-12T16:50:02.351-07:00When Truth Prevails - The Not Very Tiny Story So FarKhushi Kumari Gupta, a student with dreams for the future, hopes and dreams all etched out and painted in the rosy blanket of her universe, she encompasses it all in her own world and heads off to the city of Glasgow to embark on her life of a medical student. On her way there she encounters a person who she assumes to be one of the rudest people she has ever met - Arnav Singh Raizada, a business student at Glasgow University as well. They argue, he shouts at her and they go their own separate ways, hoping never to see each other again. But little do they know that this chance encounter would entwine them together for a lifetime, keeping them always a part of each others lives.<br />
<br />
<i>Two new characters: Aryan and Alisha.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i>At this point we see Khushi talking to Alisha about a guy that she had walked into at the airport, how he had told her off despite it being his fault, how he had threatened that it wouldn't be good for her if she got in his way again. And that's when she sees him again, in campus, with his own group of friends and she decides to never look at him again. What follows is a serious of encounters, the feelings of the man himself - Arnav Singh Raizada and how he gradually appears to be falling for Khushi, a girl from an entirely different universe to him. He wants to apologise to her, he regrets his outburst at the airport and quite clearly can't get her out of his mind. That's when they meet again, at a party, where she is about to be harassed by another guy and Arnav of course saves her, surprising Khushi to the core. She appears not to be able to understand him. He ends up angry at her for coming to the party in the first place and walks off. But that obviously isn't the end of it, they meet again in campus where Khushi seems to be down about the fact that she's away from home. He tries to make her feel better and unknowingly does that by saying her name, she becomes overwhelmed on understanding that he had remembered her name which she had mentioned to him in passing. They talk about family and he appears to quickly distance himself on the mention of his own and leaves again. <br />
But of course it's never that simple so they meet again on the route that she has started taking to uni, he once again initiates the conversation and after at first telling him off, Khushi feels bad and here begins the true phase of their relationship. She feels completely drawn to him, can't stop thinking about him and despite her friends warnings against associating with him continues to crave to converse with him. However, the story here again takes another turn where he is seen to distance himself from her despite the fact that he actually can't stay away from her. He's insecure, he doesn't think he's good enough but Khushi being the person she is once again breaks through the boundaries and gives him the courage and chance to finally let go of his burdens and this is where we find out what has made him the way he is. <br />
This is where we find out Arnav's story; how his father had cheated on her mother with another woman and how it had all been revealed on Anjali's wedding day, how this then had led to his mother murdering his father. He tells her everything, his own story in all its gory details, how he had been the first to get to her when she had committed suicide and how she had breathed her last breath in his arms. This brings the both of them closer, even though he keeps most of his walls up, it seems if she asks he wouldn't be afraid to tell her anything anymore and here begins the phase where they begin to go out with each other but even that does not last for too long. <br />
One day Khushi suddenly gets a phone call from her mother, her father has gotten into an accident and she decides to go back to India and take care of him for a while. But before she leaves she yearns to spend one last time in his arms, even though he refuses at first, knowing that Khushi isn't thinking rationally Khushi is adamant, she doesn't know when she would come back and wants to cherish every minute with him. And so they make love to each other and he leaves for a meeting promising to come back before she leaves. But circumstances would always have it differently; her mother calls her again whilst he is away and reveals to her the true details of the situation. Her father is in hospital, he has become paralysed. Guilt engulfs Khushi completely; she thinks that while her father had been lying in hospital fighting between life and death she had been making out with Arnav craving oblivion and instead of allowing herself time to think things through properly, she leaves immediately without so much as telling him. Arnav walks back into an empty room knowing deep down that this would mean that she wouldn't be coming back. <br />
<br />
What follows is weeks on end where he tries to contact her but she refuses to reply and in the end we see Arnav giving up and finally closing off the few walls he had broken down for her. Here we see the birth of ASR, the cold-hearted, insecure person he will then become. <br />
<br />
<i>4 years later...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It's four years later and they both have moved on in some way or the other; Arnav has become ASR - a ruthless business man who appears to have no emotions attached to him, whereas Khushi has become more independant and now lives life the way it flows. But this all changes when they meet again, when Khushi attends a job interview, without knowing that it will actually be held my the man himself. Here we see the story take another turn, their options seem to be closed off, Arnav's new persona instilling fear in her more than anything else. We see that Arnav has in fact moved on, he is to be married off to Lavanya. On seeing Khushi for the first time in years, the gash of what had happened still too deep for him to withhold, he storms away from her, not allowing himself so much as a second glance back at her. This hurts Khushi in more ways than one and she too decides that that chapter of her life ended many years ago and that she would not go back there again. But once again fate would have it all a different way and Khushi ends up working as Arnav's wedding planners assistant where she meets him once more. Here we see her breaking down for the first time, too overwhelmed by his constant rejections, the way in which he just seems to turn away and walk off. She's sent by the wedding planner to take his measurements and we see another crucial point in the story. The detached ASR once again turns into the caring Arnav on seeing her tears, he attempts to console her and she breaks down into his arms but this also is short lived. Lavanya witnesses this and as he breaks away to explain things Khushi leaves once again. Arnav curses himself for his weakness, for allowing her to affect him in such ways. He's supposed to have moved on, she isn't supposed to mean anything to him and yet she does. He decides to once again attempt to shove her out of his mind, returning back to his cold demeanour but of course she breaks through once more.<br />
<br />
Here Shyam is also introduced, how he has entered Khushi's house as a paying guest and his desires to marry Khushi are also revealed. Whilst on the other hand Arnav has finally given up trying to ignore her and gathers up the courage to call and ask her to meet him. They finally meet and we witness exactly how comfortable they are with each other, how strong their bond must be. Khushi tries to back away, she doesn't want to be the one to break off Arnav's relationship with Lavanya but Arnav is adamant, he doesn't want to hear any of it. Khushi accuses him of being selfish, she states that he has moved on and that now it is better if she lets him go. This enrages him completely, he says she is the one that left him, that he tried to forget her but couldn't, what else was he supposed to do but move on? He wants an explanation. "Do I not even deserve an explanation Khushi?" She tries to say more, to explain that she does not want to get in the way when he quietens her with a harsh kiss which slowly transforms into a softer one, their passions colliding, years of suppressed desire finally spilling out. She doesn't actually offer him an explanation however and he doesn't ask her for one, his need for her to be by his side stronger. They decide to move on with their relationship, leaving the events of their past to be explained later on.<br />
<br />
This is when Shyam's story comes to the forefront. He is seen to continue lusting over Khushi and whilst Arnav and Khushi seem to now be getting on well, buaji is of the misconception that this happiness of Khushi's is because she has accepted the proposal she had asked Garima to present to Khushi on Shyam's behalf. Whist Shyam on the other hand has tried to get Lavanya to support him in his plans to ruin Arnav and have Khushi to himself at the same time. But Lavanya has not agreed and instead tells Arnav that his brother-in-law is a cheat and then Khushi that he is a married man and leaves.<br />
<br />
This is when the biggest twist comes - the terrace scene; where as all of you know Arnav sees Khushi hugging Shyam and misunderstands her and forces her to marry him. She agrees because she wants to prove to him that she is not wrong. Shyam is quick to fill Arnav's mind with poison and he refuses to listen to Khushi's side of the story, even though his love for her constantly overshadows his hate, the pang of pain that she may have deliberately cheated on him causes him to hurt her....<br />
And then you know what happens and how the prequel ends.<br />
<br />
<i>My lil explanations:</i><br />
<i>This story thrives on the pure love that Arnav and Khushi have for each other. Although Khushi's unexplained abandonment of Arnav is what leads to the beginning of this misunderstand it is Arnav's insecurities that propels it forward. His past has caused him to build many walls around himself and when he finally let's her in and she leaves he builds newer, stronger ones around himself. Although he then perceives himself to be stronger he isn't. In fact he is emotionally much more vulnerable. Although they love each other, their relationship is weak, although the foundations are pure their lack of explanations leaves the seams of their bond weak. And that is how Shyam takes advantage of it. </i><br />
<i>If you do actually read through the whole FF again you will realise the subtle differences that have arisen in Arnav's character over time. At first it wasn't too difficult for her to get him to open up to her but after the four years he refuses to let her in. At first he is always willing to listen to her side of things, support her whenever something happens but this time round he wouldn't even give her the chance to talk to him. All of this is due to his insecurities and nothing else. Arnav as a person never believes that she deserves someone as broken and closed off as him and the situations that he is faced with only increases that insecurity. </i><br />
<i>Khushi on the other hand although it has not been clearly written jumps to decisions too quickly. When she is put in front of a problem she solves it irrationally and this is what leads to further problems for her. She leaves Arnav at first because she feels guilty for being with him whilst her father was fighting for his life, she agrees to get married to him because she thinks this can fix things and then when he finally asks her to leave, she leaves when if she had stayed she probably could have gotten through to him. </i><br />
<i>These character traits of theirs will not change and they will remain the biggest obstacle in their relationship. </i><br />
<i>In the end however I do not blame Khushi's character for anything and unlike in the show nor will she blame herself for anything that has happened because at the end of the day it really is Arnav's fault. At the end of the prequel he was given the choice of standing up and rectifying his mistakes; he knows Khushi well enough to know that he still has a chance with her. But he is too cowardly to accept that he has gone about ruining her life for a mistake that she had not committed. Although he has realised the truth he is afraid to hear it from her own mouth. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i>This is the story so far and I know it's taken ages to update, I do hope to not take as long with the updates now that I am back at uni and will attempt to get an update up at least every weekend.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-68155196742222616532012-10-07T06:20:00.001-07:002012-10-07T06:21:23.724-07:00Chapter 5 - Memories of a Teardrop<b><i><span style="color: magenta;">Okay so here is where this story truly starts. I read a lot of FFs on IF and even though this follows very closely to all of those themes I wanted it to be different in some other sense. So hopefully this plot ploy has not been employed in any of the other FFs and here ya go. I know it may look a bit ektaish in the beginning but I assure you it won't be like that ;). Erm so yeh enjoy it :). </span></i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
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<b><i>~</i></b></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: #674ea7;">It has been said time heals all wounds, but I do not agree.
The wounds remain; in time, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissues
and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. – Rose Kennedy</span><o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">~</span></div>
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She snapped out of her thoughts suddenly, stifling down the tears that threatened to continue to flow. She moved the leaves away from her. She needed to stop this! She'd moved on remember? He'd told her to leave right? So why was he back? After so long what right did he have? Taking her finished mug of tea from the coffee table she walked back into her kitchen and opened the tap. She held her hands underneath the scorching hot liquid, letting it numb her skin then splashed it onto her face. She couldn't forget it, couldn't replace those horrible memories. What had happened, what she had been through, how everything had come crashing down and then continued until she had been pushed to the edge, until her feet were literally slipping off of a cliff and then all the effort. How hard she'd worked to forget her whole life, remove every trace of her past. She leaned against the sink, her knuckles standing against her skin as her grip on the cool steel tightened, she let her tears drip this time, let them take over completely. If she had learned one thing in life it was to always let herself cry because at least at the end of it she'd have let something out.<br />
<br />
Meet him? No she couldn't, she couldn't forget the past and move on like that, meet him as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't taken her life and flipped it around completely. She hadn't realised up till now how naive she had been, how stupid to have let him play with her life like that. And then what she had lost because of him, because of fate, because of every godforsaken thing that she had let happen to her. Steadying herself against the sink she gulped down her tears then slammed the tap shut. She walked back into her room and reaching under the bed pulled out a box. Carefully pricing the lid open she took the little leather bound book from within it, she hadn't done this in ages but she had kept it, knowing at the back of her mind that memories were such that one day it would all come back and she would need to do this. Carefully flicking through the old pages she came to a blank sheet of paper, the journal half of the size of what it had been to begin with. Bringing out a black pen she began to write in it, pouring all that she could remember onto the thick white page, letting the ink sink in, her writing slanted and neat, like it always was when she wrote. She wrote quickly, wanting to desperately move on with her life.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Arnav sat back on the large couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table, lost in his own thoughts. It had been so many years and yet she didn't appear to have changed one bit. Her fear of him still scared him; she still saw him as the monster that he had been with her. He could see it clearly, her scars were still fresh, still only below the surface and maybe just maybe he was opening them. But now he wanted her back, no he <i>needed </i>her back god damn it! He needed her in his life, to guide him through things that she should be there with him through, that she should have always been there with him through if he had given her the chance. And he had wanted to, god knows he had wanted to but he hadn't been able to trace her, he had tried then finally given up, the pain too strong, the guilt too real and he had had to stop before he would have completely broken down because he didn't have that option anymore, <i>she</i> hadn't left him with that option.<br />
<br />
He took out his wallet and looked at the two pictures in it, one old and frayed at the edges, the other new and bright, the similarities striking, the first of his life, the second of the person that kept him going, his strength, the one who had a hold over his every breath. His phone rang suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts and he answered immediately.<br />
<br />
"Yes darling are you okay?" He questioned, his voice gentle, a tiny spark alighting his eyes then smiled fondly back at the reply. A rare smile, one that he only reserved for her. If only Khushi knew, if only he had had the courage to tell her there and then, but he hadn't and he still didn't but he would, because he had to for his sake, for her sake. And he would, tonight at eight he would tell her everything, because more than anything she deserved to know. A tear prickled his eye then, one he let shed for the unknown, for the possibility that she would find out and he would loose everything all over again, but in this retched game that fate had played with him she deserved happiness whilst he did not so he would tell her, once and for all.<br />
<br />
<i>Writing here</i><br />
<i>Cause there's nothing left here</i><br />
<i>For me to do</i><br />
<i>But please know that</i><br />
<i>I'm trying to make up for my mistakes</i><br />
<i>And you're moving on</i><br />
<i>With guilty memories</i><br />
<i>But I was wrong</i><br />
<i>To ever test us</i><br />
<i>This broken road is more than I can take</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He hoped to god that she would come meet him tonight, let him tell her what he had to say.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Khushi carefully ripped out the page that she had written on, leaving behind only the tiniest little scraps of paper, the only evidence of the tear. She folded it up then tore it down the middle, slowly but perfectly she put the two pieces together then tore it down the middle again and again until the pieces were tiny then collecting them all in the palms of her hands she stood up and walked over to the bin and dropped them into the depths of it, letting another tear slither down her cheek. She wouldn't meet him tonight, she'd have to make sure that he never tried to meet her again and for that she had already made plans. Moving back the lace curtain she watched as a car pulled into a parking spot and then a few minutes later as another one left, she watched until the skies suddenly darkened and the clouds broke through for rain to fall down to the ground, as the children playing around retreated back into their houses. She put her fingers to the cool glass of the window and let them slide down with the slow drops of waters. She felt her hatred for him re-surface, all these years later he had returned once again not caring what that would do to her and that made her mind up for her. No she would not meet him again, she had been younger then, not so exposed to the harsher realities of life but he had taught her and she had learned the lessons the hard way. And once you learn your lesson you don't put yourself in that situation ever again. If he thought he could come back into her life again, he had another thing coming.<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
Arnav clicked the car door open and slowly walked over to the path between the grass that would lead him over the hill and into the center of the park, he'd booked the place for the day. It was still the same, very unlike him, unlike her who had both changed in many ways, who had grown, who had grieved, unlike them the park remained the same. It's greenery still vibrant, the small pond down below, encompassed within the large granite wall still fresh with tiny rippled running through it as the wind moved the water to it's liking, just the same as it had been all those years ago when he had first visited Aberdeen. He felt the soft drizzle on his hand then, the first of the drops of rain that he hoped would not continue for long. It was 7.55pm and he prayed that she would come to see him, that her heart had at least decided to give him one last chance to make things right again.<br />
<br />
<i>So this is the way that I'll tell you </i><br />
<i>That I'll leave you alone if you want me to</i><br />
<i>But I've had enough of this life alone</i><br />
<i>I'll give it up this time I know</i><br />
<i>I don't deserve to tell you that I love you</i><br />
<i>There's nothing in this world I'd take above you</i><br />
<i>I'm dead inside </i><br />
<i>Bring me back to life</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He watched the twinkling lights on the trees, how they all surrounded round the square, dazzling and sparkling creating the opening in the middle and felt the seconds and minutes tick by. He brought the little box out of his pocket and looked at the ring encased in the middle of it, with a sparkling diamond crested in the middle then shutting it put it back in the pocket. He walked around, that dreading feeling only inches away from the surface as the soft spots of drizzle became bigger and began to pelt their way down, drowning the surroundings in a curtain of water as it fell down drenching him from head to toe as he stood in the middle of it all refusing to accept the fact that had been gnawing at his mind from the beginning, he stood letting the rain drown him in his own misery, let it hit against him and slide down his face.<br />
<br />
<i>I'm dead inside</i><br />
<i>Bring me back to life</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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<i>~</i></div>
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<b style="text-align: start;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">The boy never loved again, and he never forgot what he’d learned that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed. – Cassandra Clare, The City of Bones</span></span></i></b></div>
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<b style="text-align: start;"><i><span style="font-family: 'Segoe Print'; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">~</span></span></i></b></div>
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<br />BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-10883672242577856362012-05-14T17:58:00.001-07:002012-10-22T01:15:29.312-07:00Chapter 4 - A Shower of Leaves & A Whole Lot of Nostalgia!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtd8xB4r66rtK9Wq0dToLU0Pq2LrtnuxIwiIG-ArahWiIB6xlMWOywV78M0DQEv19iREHKAc7Uqq6odRCH3WqNpXxHR72Y2kJaly77EGE7oHXvqOpCamcFXkTKMU0nQ6PBfxyfBNv9kM/s1600/fall_leaves.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMtd8xB4r66rtK9Wq0dToLU0Pq2LrtnuxIwiIG-ArahWiIB6xlMWOywV78M0DQEv19iREHKAc7Uqq6odRCH3WqNpXxHR72Y2kJaly77EGE7oHXvqOpCamcFXkTKMU0nQ6PBfxyfBNv9kM/s320/fall_leaves.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<i>"They say you never know what you have till you've lost it". </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Without you I'm not myself. I feel so lost"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"I miss my fighter. My shield against the rain!"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"One chance is all I ask for"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"This distance has been painful. Why does my heart yearn for you?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Come back to me. I promise to replace the old memories with ones new and true."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Tonight at 8 - Duthie Park. I'll be waiting"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She couldn't believe her eyes. She blinked several times and began reading them again for the fifth time. Khushi even pinched herself. This had to be a dream! She could recognise Arnavs handwriting all too well even after such a long time but this - this could not be real!<br />
After all these year she had relished in the feeling of uninhibited joy once again and more than anything she was not prepared to give that credit to Arnav. For one he didn't deserve it and secondly, she knew he couldn't have done this alone. "He probably got that Aman to tell him what to right" she muttered to herself bitterly.<br />
He wasn't allowed to have filled her life with such misery and then expect her to crumble back to him. It wasn't fair!<br />
<br />
"Well that was difficult," he thought to himself as he strolled back and forth through his room for the umpteenth time. Arnav had had to call Alisha, who had become a lot closer to him after Khushi had left, for help. He had been reluctant at first, but he desperately needed to save this relationship, even if it meant going back into the depths of his past and resurrecting the old Arnav.<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
"Pick up. Pick up. Pick up God damn it!" She screamed at the phone willing the person on the other end to pick up. "Hello, Aryan here. Not able to attend your call at the moment but leave a message and I'll get back to you." She had reached his answering phone for the 6th time. Khushi desperately needed someones help and after years of ignoring all of his attempts to help she finally caved in. "Aryan, it's Khushi here. Just call me back!"<br />
<br />
"Khushi!?" Aryan stumbled towards the coffee table and grabbed the phone just on time. "Khushi? What's up?" No explanation needed. Right now she needed someone to support her side and she knew that Aryan would be the only person that would do that.<br />
<br />
"Aryan, I'm sorry I'm being this abrupt but I need your help. I'm in Aberdeen."<br />
<br />
"Okay whatever you need! Give me a day and I'll be there."<br />
<br />
No explanations needed, no questions asked...<br />
<br />
She needed to get herself together but she was allowed to reminisce in the good times. A time she would gladly go back to any day.<br />
<br />
<i>7 years ago...</i><br />
<br />
<i>In the sunny city of Glasgow, Scotland.</i><br />
<br />
<span class="GHJ45FFBPBB" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; display: inline-block; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 400px; overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-overflow: ellipsis; vertical-align: middle; white-space: nowrap;">Living a Dream!</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px; white-space: nowrap;"> </span>
<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; line-height: 30px; white-space: nowrap;"><br /></span>
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First day of a new chapter!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Khushi was ecstatic and ready to embrace the world. Moving from India to pursue her studies in Britain was a decision made more in the pursuit of independence than anything. She was pampered way too much at home. Granted she didn't have her birth parents but her adoptive parents adored her with as much affection as she imagined her real parent would have. This journey, she hoped would change her life forever, for the better!<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Khushiiii!!!!" Alisha exclaimed as she practically pounced onto Khushi and squealed with delight. "Finally dude! Thought I would die out of awkwardness! No one is normal here man!" Khushi rolled her eyes. "God Alisha you will never change!" She exclaimed. "I just got here and you've already started going on about random people I don't even know yet," she said whilst smacking her friend on the shoulder lightly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Okay okay whatever tell me how your flight and all that was then. And how are you liking Glasgow? Fell in love with it's sunshine yet? Apparently we don't get it that much you know? Oh well might as well enjoy it whilst its here then right?" "Khushi! Are you listening to me!?"<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Yes hunny! I'm listening to you, did you even give me a chance to stick in a hmm with your continuous questions? Looks like someones already a bit too high! Have you had alcohol a bit too early missy?" She laughed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Shut up dude! I've just missed you so much!" Alisha exclaimed hugging Khushi once more.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Khushi and Alisha had went to school together, they had known each other ever since Khushi had moved in with Alisha's neighbours after the death of Khushis parents. It was together that they had put their application for university in and it was together that they had planned their "pursuit for change". Alisha had arrived in Glasgow a few days before Khushi as her accommodation registration had been booked for an earlier date. She had missed her friend dearly and Khushi could see that the few days of separation and not being able to communicate with each other had clearly affected Alisha. They spent about an hour or so catching up on things and planning the rest of their Freshers week and then began to make their way up to the lecture hall.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Oh my ghosh Alisha! First lecture! First step in to our pursuit for change! Woohhooo!" She exclaimed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"I know right? Who would have thought! I can see this going so well!"<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Khushi! Khushi!" Alisha exclaimed as she snapped Khushi out of the almost trance that she seemed to have gone into. Khushi on the other hand was stuck for words. He was here. She gaped at his handsome features with a feeling of utmost annoyance. "What the hell? Yeh yaha kya karraha hain?" She muttered under her breath. He was striding out of the lecture hall with a large group of people laughing and gesturing animatedly with his hands. She could not believe her eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Arnav slowly turned his head around, mid-conversation, as he felt someones eyes on him and that's when his eyes met hers. His eyes immediately narrowed and then he raised his eyebrow and chuckled to himself. "Well well this will be a fun year!" He thought to himself as he winked and walked past her putting his mind back into the conversation that now seemed to have moved onto something else.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Khushis eyes almost shot out of her sockets as she stared at his winking face in shock and with that she looked away fuming with anger.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Oh la la! Alisha chimed. "The hottest guy in this uni just winked at you! Is there something you are hiding from me KKG?" said Alisha inspecting Khushi from head to toe with narrowed eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"The hottest guy in uni?" Khushi asked, curiousness now getting the better of her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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"Yeh and arrogant - Arnav Sign Raizada! He's like oh my ghosh urgh don't pretend like you don't know!" Alisha exclaimed, becoming even more impatient by the second. While Khushi just stared back at the entrance too confused for words, granted he was handsome but how the hell did Alisha know he was? And why the hell was he at the same uni as her?</div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">P.S. the rest of it till the flash back ends will be continued in the Prequel Blog:</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><a href="http://unpredictablelovebyp.blogspot.co.uk/">Living a Dream!</a></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Till then enjoy the ride! xxx</span><br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-10318912382771142722012-05-11T04:59:00.000-07:002012-10-22T01:16:09.413-07:00Chapter 3 - Speckles of Rain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
He felt her struggle under his gaze as her face once again clouded with the look of pain and helplessness. He let go off of her almost instantly. He didn't want to bring back those memories. He would prove to her that he was a changed man.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She stared at him once more, this time with rage and he was almost taken back. She didn't know what to do with herself. Why was she so confused?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Why are you here Arnav? Why now?" she spat out. </div>
<div>
She saw him almost wince in pain. That had cut deep. But she did not deserve this. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"But Khushi... Khushi. Just give me a chance." His words came out in almost a whisper.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Give you a chance to do what Arnav? To take me back to that place? To open my wounds?" Words were now pouring out of her mouth. She was losing control. It was like a dam had been broken. She was on the verge of a breakdown. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He felt the first spots of anger bubble up inside him but stopped himself. He had to control his temper, that would be the only way it would work. He only had one chance and loss of control could end up in him loosing everything.<br />
<br />
"Let it all out Khushi. I know you've kept this pain inside for a long time. Let it all out Khushi I'm here to listen." His voice was a timid growl as he forced the words out.<br />
She didn't know what to make of it. She wanted to accept this change, had felt it as soon as his hand had lightly been placed on her shoulder. He was definitely no longer the man she had left two years ago, was she seeing the return of the man she had fell in love with?<br />
<br />
"You know what Arnav I have nothing to say to you! So please leave!" She almost screamed.<br />
<br />
"Just let me explain Khushi" his eyes pleaded.<br />
<br />
"Explain what Arnav? Is there anything left to explain?" She couldn't afford to back down. She was a changed, more independent person now. A person who was not allowed to let even the shadow of Arnav Singh Raizada back into her life.<br />
<br />
"You don't understand Khushi, please don't be so harsh," his voice almost begged.<br />
<br />
"Don't be harsh? Don't be harsh? Because you've obviously always been gentle with me!" That was it, she had lost the minute amount of patience she had left. How dare he do this to her. How dare he emotionally torment her again? Why was fate playing such an ugly game?<br />
<br />
That had hurt. Her words cut right through him, creating a gash through his soul. He looked away in anguish and regret, his hands clenching up into fists. He knew what he had done but being reminded of it by her hurt more than he could explain. He didn't know what to say in his defence.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
"I don't know what to make of this Arnav. I don't know what you want from me, but I've moved on now and I'd rather you didn't come back to look for me," she continued. It hurt her as much as it hurt him but she couldn't let this go on. She knew she would never have the guarantee that he wouldn't hurt her again and she wasn't prepared to make the same mistake twice. And with that she started to turn around and walk away.<br />
<br />
He was quick to grab her back this time, twisting her arm and turning her around to face him again. She stared at him with defiance, she knew the ASR inside him always resurfaced and this time there wasn't even an inkling of surprise. He glared into the depths of her eyes, gritting his teeth and rapidly losing control.<br />
<br />
"Khushi don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you," he growled his jaw tensing with every word.<br />
She struggled to release his hold on her wrist, she was numb to the pain now, from months of being put through it, but it did not mean she would welcome it again.<br />
"No how dare YOU talk to me like this? How dare YOU think you have any sort of right over me?" Have you forgotten who kicked me out?"<br />
He had lost all sense of control. He needed to stop, he needed to calm down. What the hell was wrong with him?!<br />
"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada! Don't you forget you are still legally my wife!" He screamed sending shock waves down her whole body and with that he pushed her out of his vice like hold. She had forgotten exactly how ferocious he could be and how timid it made her feel. And this time she didn't back down.<br />
<br />
She had nothing more to say to him, he was writhing with anger and she didn't want to stand in front of the beastly ASR any longer and with that, throwing him an utter look of disgust she stomped away.<br />
<br />
Arnav stood frozen, shame and regret taking over his whole being.<br />
<br />
<i>Day after day</i><br />
<i>Time pass away</i><br />
<i>And I just can't get you off my mind</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Why did he do this time and time again. He had willed himself to not lose control and the exact opposite had happened. Why could she not see how much he regretted the crimes he had committed. Did he not even deserve a chance to explain himself? To make it all right again?<br />
<br />
<i>Nobody knows</i><br />
<i>I hide it inside </i><br />
<i>I keep on searching</i><br />
<i>But I can't find</i><br />
<i>The courage to show</i><br />
<i>To letting you know</i><br />
<i>I never felt so much love before</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She stormed down the side walk, tears streaming down her face.<br />
<br />
<i>and once again </i><br />
<i>I'm thinking about</i><br />
<i>Taking the easy way out. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
She wanted to hear him out, give him another chance but would she able to take the pain again if he hurt her?<br />
<br />
And the first speckles of rain fell on their faces as they looked up to the sky looking for a way to save a love too deep to leave behind...<br />
<br />
<i>But if I let you go</i><br />
<i>I will never know</i><br />
<i>What my life would be</i><br />
<i>Holding you close to me</i><br />
<i>Will I ever see</i><br />
<i>You smiling back at me</i><br />
<i>How will I know </i><br />
<i>If I let you go....</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
With that Arnav knew that he would get her back one way or the other. He would fight his own demons, go through hell but he would get her back!<br />
<br />
-----<br />
<br />
Arnav knew Khushi liked the simple pleasures in life. And in order to impress her he would have to let go of the Arnav Singh Raizada within him and embrace the ideas of the Khushi Kumari Gupta he loved. He began the process with a Bollywood film, for the first time in his life, attempting to cross boundaries and principles he'd instilled within his life.<br />
<br />
------<br />
<br />
The next morning Khushi opened her door to a pile of dried leaves.<br />
<br />
"Urgh what kind of sick joke is this!? It's probably that stupid kid downstairs!" She cursed, her eyebrows arching down in annoyance.<br />
She crouched down to discard them but on close inspection realised there was something written on every single one of the leaves- a smile slowly brightened her face. "What a lovely gesture, who would do such a lovely thing?" She thought to herself as she lifted each one up in turn, delicately, scared they would crumple on her palm. Her smile had reached her eyes and brought a glow to her otherwise gloomy flat as she walked back into her flat trying to make sense of what was happening.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Lyrics credit - If I Let You Go by Westlife</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-78622966505810554222012-05-10T08:39:00.000-07:002012-10-22T01:16:33.960-07:00Chapter 2 - A Starless Sky<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wIO7_J_dypQuTavOg865Ff8qoMK_uTapWcmIemHojph3bLtI6YeUXGEza_GcqohdS49ifMwjc-JLMl_pA1Za5mWYcpnFlgzKrN-7R95jq6oF1OR4iJFC9J8UcJfAnl_GxZzWKQmzzYQ/s1600/IMG_9441.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4wIO7_J_dypQuTavOg865Ff8qoMK_uTapWcmIemHojph3bLtI6YeUXGEza_GcqohdS49ifMwjc-JLMl_pA1Za5mWYcpnFlgzKrN-7R95jq6oF1OR4iJFC9J8UcJfAnl_GxZzWKQmzzYQ/s320/IMG_9441.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
"What the!?" "Did she just push me out of the way and run?" "How dare she?" Arnav gritted his teeth as anger erupted inside him. He clenched his fists and let the fire that exploded inside him consume his whole being. He wanted to grab each and every table and topple them over. Throw them into the middle and light them on fire. He glared at the chair she had been seated at a mere two seconds ago with a sheer look of hatred as he clenched his jaw.<br />
<br />
That's when he saw her half finished mug of coffee. Her scarf still hanging off of the back of the chair. Her smell lingering all around him and a sudden calm took over. That's when he remembered her helpless face, how her eyes at first had shone with eagerness and anticipation and how abruptly they had darkened to immense fear. The helplessness that had slowly crept on to the contours of her face. He closed his eyes as regret crushed through his soul. This is what he evoked in her - fear!<br />
<br />
<i>Two years back...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Khushi was waiting for her husband to come back from work. Her wedding had been nowhere near perfect and she was never accepted as his wife. But after failed attempts and the knowledge that possibly nothing she did could make anything better she had decided to fulfill her duties of a wife. The mangalsutra around her neck and the sindoor that adorned her forehead had sealed her fate. She would from now on do everything she possibly could to follow the path that had been lain before her.<br />
<br />
------<br />
Arnav stormed into the house and stomped up the stairs, ignoring every face that turned towards him.<br />
<br />
She was standing at the french doors looking up at the night sky - it was starless. She felt almost scared. The stars were always supposed to be there, shining and looking down on her.<br />
<br />
He took three long strides towards her and grabbed her by the wrist, strong enough to crush bone. She winced in pain as he glared down at her. She struggled to break free when he grabbed her neck with his other hand and slammed her fragile body against the wardrobe door. She closed her eyes as tears sprung out of them.<br />
<br />
A lone warm tear streamed down over his pronounced knuckles and he immediately let her go. Recoiling in horror at what he was doing, at what he was about to do. He witnessed her whole being tremble and averted his gaze in disgust at himself. Suddenly, Shyams mocking face appeared in his mind and he stalked out of the room disgusted at her.<br />
<br />
Khushi slowly slid to the floor her palms covering her face as she let the tears flow. It wasn't the first time and she knew it would not be the last...<br />
<br />
<i>Back to the present...</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Khushis hurried steps began to falter as she came to a slow but abrupt halt. She felt torn. She wanted to run back into his arms and let herself go. She wanted to forget the past and for once imagine the future she had always believed would come true. A whirlwind of emotions and memories overtook her and she stood rooted to the spot unable to move.<br />
<br />
Arnav slowly took her soft scarf and folded it into his hand. He closed his eyes and shook with regret remembering what he had done to her, the pain he had put her through. And at that precise moment he knew he needed to change for the sake of the woman he loved the most and had hurt the most and the one he could not bare to lose again. His mind worked on auto-pilot as his steps traced back the way and he stepped out onto a now gloomy square.<br />
<br />
His eyes searched for her among the faces rushing past the square and that's when he saw her. Standing with her back towards him, only a few steps away, almost rooted to the spot.<br />
<br />
<i>I can't win, I can't reign</i><br />
<i>I will never win this game</i><br />
<i>Without you, without you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He started advancing towards her knowing that this may be his only chance, knowing deep inside that gaining her forgiveness would not be impossible.<br />
<br />
<i>I am lost, I am vain</i><br />
<i>I will never be the same</i><br />
<i>Without you, without you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He took slow, deliberate, desperate steps towards her.<br />
<br />
She felt his presence almost immediately, she wanted to move but couldn't.<br />
<br />
<i>I won't run, I won't fly</i><br />
<i>I will never make it by</i><br />
<i>Without you, without you</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
He was now standing right behind her. She felt the weight of his hand as it rested on her shoulder, as his other hand slowly took her waste and turned her around to face him.<br />
<br />
<i>I can't rest, I can't fight</i><br />
<i>All I need is you and I,</i><br />
<i>Without you, without... You!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Their eyes met and held as she witnessed the pain and regret in his eyes and not for the first time in her life wanted to lose herself in him forever.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Lyrics credit Without you by David Guetta feat. Usher</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><br /></i></span>
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BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com1Aberdeen, Aberdeen City, UK57.149717 -2.09427857.080811000000004 -2.2522065000000002 57.218623 -1.9363495000000002tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-73786644197908218572012-05-09T14:42:00.000-07:002012-05-09T18:51:36.682-07:00Chapter 1 - Ripples of sunlightChapter 1 - Ripples of sunlight<br />
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<img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhMGc49gq1tmMvHnO8hTCAy1R_yQdX9YQ8ewkdo1StZZJarrjNq3lqiz0wTUYnjcKFt-oWJmglVdvZuG-_w0TcVvcqBpBia-E_InvtQbrHHlqlraRDn4JB52KSV0wtM3iRqwKiP63UgRs/s320/rays-of-sunlight-beam-from-behind-a-dark-cloud-over-water-at-twilight.jpg" width="320" /></div>
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Khushi shot up awake. She had slept restlessly again, in fact she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good nights sleep. The clock had just struck 5.30am, there was no point in attempting to sleep for another hour. She knew sleep wouldn't come to her that quickly. It would probably take her another hour to actually get to sleep. </div>
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She slowly stepped out of bed, looked at the little ripples of sunshine penetrating their way through the small opening in her curtains and it made her feel a little happy inside. Sunshine had always filled her with joy and although now it didn't have such a large impact on her it still improved her mood; even if it was just for a brief moment. </div>
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<br /></div>
Khushi slowly walked through Union Square, taking her time to look at the shop windows and doors clearly. Aberdeen was a dull city, it was expensive to live in and she knew no one there. She had first traveled to Aberdeen with Lavanya, on one of Lavanyas business meetings. It had been a sunny day and she had fell in love with the place immediately. It looked more like a village than a city and miles away from the noise of London she felt safe. After what had happened she had wanted to hide in the remotest corner of Earth where she would be able to create a haven for herself. The moment she had first set foot in the city she knew that it would be the place.<br />
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Having lived there for more than a year now she knew Aberdeen inside out. All of its little nooks and crannies. And even more than she had imagined, more than she had wanted - it reminded her of the one person she constantly desired to forget. The constantly changing weather, it's many different shades and the city's inability to change to anyones needs forever reminded her of Arnav Singh Raizada. Reinforcing over and over again that he would never be just a distant memory.</div>
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She desperately needed a new job. The old one just wasn't working. Khushi didn't want to continue doing odd jobs for the rest of her life. She wanted to continue the education that she had been forced to abandon half way and her current job just would not allow that. "It's just my luck" she muttered to herself desperation and disappointment clearly clouding her face. Usually there was an abundance of jobs and now that she wanted one - there weren't any. Typical. She continued to make her way through the shopping center not giving up. Khushi Kumari Gupta never gave up and she wasn't prepared to start. </div>
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Three hours of job hunting and three job applications later Khushi was exhausted. All that walking and she had only managed to find three places with vacancies. "Oh well, better than nothing" she reassured herself and stepped into Starbucks. After all of that she deserved a treat. She took her steaming mug of coffee and sat at a table in one of the furthest corners of the cafe. <i>Loneliness is felt the most in the midst of a crowd.</i> Couples sitting together, sipping on their beverages and the hush of their innocent conversations evoked the greatest amount of sadness in her. Like every other girl she had had dreams of a colourful future filled with such meetings, of hushed conversations with the love of her life, long walks together under a shimmering moonlight. But it was never to be. Her eyes glazed over and her face twisted to one of pain hidden deep within as she gulped down the steaming hot liquid attempting with all her might to chase the thoughts out of her mind. </div>
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She slowly began to look up as she felt her pulse quicken.</div>
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-----</div>
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Arnav stepped into the warm comfort of the cafe. His face expressionless. He closed his eyes for a brief second and cursed inwardly at his stupid brother Aakash for once again sending him to this godforsaken city. Oil? He owned hotels, why would he want to expand into the oil industry? But his brother was adamant and he didn't have the heart to refuse again. </div>
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He felt a sudden increase in his heart beat. He slowly opened his eyes. He was confused; this hadn't happened in a very long time. He knew only one person whose presence made him feel this way...</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>"Arnavji why is it that every time I come close to you my heart beats faster?"</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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She felt a bolt of lightning strike her heart as she saw the familiar definitions of a face she had tried on so many occasions to forget, gradually turn towards her. </div>
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<i>"When you are near me along with your heart beat my heart also beats faster. Our heart beats become one."</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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His eyes widened as there eyes met and held. He felt as if he had lost sensation in each and every limb of his body. He couldn't believe his eyes and yet she was sitting down right in front of him. Like an angel who had descended from the heavens. His limbs moved of their own accord as he felt himself loosing all sense of self control. </div>
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She stared in shock unable to move a single muscle in her body as she witnessed him take slow deliberate steps towards her. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>I know I can't take one more step towards you</i></div>
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<i>Cause all that's waiting is regret</i></div>
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<i>And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore</i></div>
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<i>You lost the love I loved the most</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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All those past memories playing over and over in their minds. The pain searing through her whole body. She felt like a fire had ignited inside her and would burn her from the inside out. Deep down inside she had wished this would happen, that she would see him again one day. But then she had given up on that thought a while back and she had now moved on. Why now?</div>
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<i>I learned to live half alive</i></div>
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<i>And now you want me one more time</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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She wanted to run. Run away from this pain. Run away from the person who was now seconds away from reaching her. Khushi wanted to run away and hide. When she arrived in Aberdeen she had been broken, unable to look at anything with hope. That past kept on replaying over and over in her mind.</div>
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<i>And who do you think you are</i></div>
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<i>Running round leaving scars</i></div>
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<i>Collecting your jar of hearts</i></div>
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<i>And tearing love apart</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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She felt those dark, cold eyes upon her which she remembered now as only being incapable of love, poring into her soul. Her body shuddered with the memory of the last time she'd seen him and the coldness that had emanated from his soul.</div>
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<i>You're gonna catch a cold</i></div>
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<i>From the ice inside your soul</i></div>
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<i>So don't come back for me</i></div>
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<i>Who do you think you are</i></div>
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And before she knew it he was right in front of her. His face a mask of emotions. But she didn't have the strength to face him, she didn't have the strength to relive it. She pushed him out of the way and stumbled out of the cafe. This could not be happening to her. This was not supposed to happen....</div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Lyrics credit: Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri </i></span></div>
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<br /></div>BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3322361782324966777.post-75849995189528452442012-05-09T08:10:00.000-07:002012-05-09T08:10:01.584-07:00ProloguePrologue<br />
<br />
She looked up at the still sky of a wonderful summers day. The weather constantly reminding her of the cities changing mood. ten months of grey gloom and two months of blinding sunshine. Moving was stressful and staying away from family painful but for now this was the way her life was flowing, with subtle changes here and there but stable as it had ever been. She looked at the peaks of the mountains still with a glint of snow speckled on their curvy forms carrying the remainders of an uneventful winter. She was still finding herself attempting to find out what she really wanted from life. She tried to put the bitter and sweet memories of her past behind her but it was especially during times like this that they came back to torment her. Her eyes brimmed with a sorrow held deep within. She once again let only a single lone tear shed from her eyes in remembrance of a past that she knew she would never get back.<br />
<br />
Suddenly the clear sky had changed into one of rapidly moving clouds, the gloom began to surround her. She retreated back into her flat. The skies were changing a storm was looming ahead and deep inside she felt the shadow of change.<br />
<br />
<br />
Arnav boarded off of the flight and strode through the tunnel into the lounge. The summer he had expected to arrive to was nowhere to be seen. Rain was pelting down on the windows around him. "Just perfect for me" he thought to himself. Arnav Singh Raizada didn't give a damn about the weather never had, never would. That was her; the sunshine made her happy and shine, the rain brought out the child in her. A brief smile passed over his face as he remembered Khushi. With that his features abruptly darkened as he was reminded of a past he could not change and a future which held only darkness. He could feel a small seed of hope planting itself in his mind and then attempted to dismiss it. Arnav Singh Raizada never let his heart control him and he would make sure it wouldn't in the future either. It was his game and he never changed the rules.BeyondTheStarshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04344083567234346211noreply@blogger.com1