Friday, 11 May 2012

Chapter 3 - Speckles of Rain



He felt her struggle under his gaze as her face once again clouded with the look of pain and helplessness. He let go off of her almost instantly. He didn't want to bring back those memories. He would prove to her that he was a changed man.

She stared at him once more, this time with rage and he was almost taken back. She didn't know what to do with herself. Why was she so confused?

"Why are you here Arnav? Why now?" she spat out. 
She saw him almost wince in pain. That had cut deep. But she did not deserve this. 

"But Khushi... Khushi. Just give me a chance." His words came out in almost a whisper.

"Give you a chance to do what Arnav? To take me back to that place? To open my wounds?" Words were now pouring out of her mouth. She was losing control. It was like a dam had been broken. She was on the verge of a breakdown. 

He felt the first spots of anger bubble up inside him but stopped himself. He had to control his temper, that would be the only way it would work. He only had one chance and loss of control could end up in him loosing everything.

"Let it all out Khushi. I know you've kept this pain inside for a long time. Let it all out Khushi I'm here to listen." His voice was a timid growl as he forced the words out.
She didn't know what to make of it. She wanted to accept this change, had felt it as soon as his hand had lightly been placed on her shoulder. He was definitely no longer the man she had left two years ago, was she seeing the return of the man she had fell in love with?

"You know what Arnav I have nothing to say to you! So please leave!" She almost screamed.

"Just let me explain Khushi" his eyes pleaded.

"Explain what Arnav? Is there anything left to explain?" She couldn't afford to back down. She was a changed, more independent person now. A person who was not allowed to let even the shadow of Arnav Singh Raizada back into her life.

"You don't understand Khushi, please don't be so harsh," his voice almost begged.

"Don't be harsh? Don't be harsh? Because you've obviously always been gentle with me!" That was it, she had lost the minute amount of patience she had left. How dare he do this to her. How dare he emotionally torment her again? Why was fate playing such an ugly game?

That had hurt. Her words cut right through him, creating a gash through his soul. He looked away in anguish and regret, his hands clenching up into fists. He knew what he had done but being reminded of it by her hurt more than he could explain. He didn't know what to say in his defence.

"I don't know what to make of this Arnav. I don't know what you want from me, but I've moved on now and I'd rather you didn't come back to look for me," she continued. It hurt her as much as it hurt him but she couldn't let this go on. She knew she would never have the guarantee that he wouldn't hurt her again and she wasn't prepared to make the same mistake twice. And with that she started to turn around and walk away.

He was quick to grab her back this time, twisting her arm and turning her around to face him again. She stared at him with defiance, she knew the ASR inside him always resurfaced and this time there wasn't even an inkling of surprise. He glared into the depths of her eyes, gritting his teeth and rapidly losing control.

"Khushi don't you dare walk away from me when I'm talking to you," he growled his jaw tensing with every word.
She struggled to release his hold on her wrist, she was numb to the pain now, from months of being put through it, but it did not mean she would welcome it again.
"No how dare YOU talk to me like this? How dare YOU think you have any sort of right over me?" Have you forgotten who kicked me out?"
He had lost all sense of control. He needed to stop, he needed to calm down. What the hell was wrong with him?!
"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada! Don't you forget you are still legally my wife!" He screamed sending shock waves down her whole body and with that he pushed her out of his vice like hold. She had forgotten exactly how ferocious he could be and how timid it made her feel. And this time she didn't back down.

She had nothing more to say to him, he was writhing with anger and she didn't want to stand in front of the beastly ASR any longer and with that, throwing him an utter look of disgust she stomped away.

Arnav stood frozen, shame and regret taking over his whole being.

Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind

Why did he do this time and time again. He had willed himself to not lose control and the exact opposite had happened. Why could she not see how much he regretted the crimes he had committed. Did he not even deserve a chance to explain himself? To make it all right again?

Nobody knows
I hide it inside 
I keep on searching
But I can't find
The courage to show
To letting you know
I never felt so much love before

She stormed down the side walk, tears streaming down her face.

and once again 
I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out. 

She wanted to hear him out, give him another chance but would she able to take the pain again if he hurt her?

And the first speckles of rain fell on their faces as they looked up to the sky looking for a way to save a love too deep to leave behind...

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know 
If I let you go....

With that Arnav knew that he would get her back one way or the other. He would fight his own demons, go through hell but he would get her back!

-----

Arnav knew Khushi liked the simple pleasures in life. And in order to impress her he would have to let go of the Arnav Singh Raizada within him and embrace the ideas of the Khushi Kumari Gupta he loved.  He began the process with a Bollywood film, for the first time in his life, attempting to cross boundaries and principles he'd instilled within his life.

------

The next morning Khushi opened her door to a pile of dried leaves.

"Urgh what kind of sick joke is this!? It's probably that stupid kid downstairs!" She cursed, her eyebrows arching down in annoyance.
She crouched down to discard them but on close inspection realised there was something written on every single one of the leaves- a smile slowly brightened her face. "What a lovely gesture, who would do such a lovely thing?" She thought to herself as she lifted each one up in turn, delicately, scared they would crumple on her palm. Her smile had reached her eyes and brought a glow to her otherwise gloomy flat as she walked back into her flat trying to make sense of what was happening.

Lyrics credit - If I Let You Go by Westlife



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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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