Saturday, 13 October 2012

Chapter 6 - Closed Chapters



~
I gave you everything you wanted, you gave me nothing but grief - Another Me, The Cab
~

The sky was dark, the strands of grass long and wet, grazing against the bare skin of her feet, the insides of her pumps were wet and she struggled to walk properly with her feet slipping against the insides of them. The opening twinkled with tiny little lights, hanging off of the edges of everything. She stood behind the bark of a tree, her fingers trailing against the drenched wood, bits damp and breaking off into her fingers as her heart hammered away in her chest. Even after all of these years and all that he had put her through she found it difficult to stay away. She didn't attempt to wipe away the tears that now streaked down her cheeks, there was no point they didn't seem to seize from pouring. Her eyes traced the hard planes of his body as he stood looking upto the skies, allowing himself to be drenched with torrents of the rain that fell down, soaking him from head to toe. Why was he doing this? Even in the slosh of the rain as it fell to the ground, the loud pitter-pater of it as it dropped onto the plastic of her umbrella there was a deafening silence; the silence of the emptiness of their hearts. Why had he come back? Why now? She needed to get away before that silence engulfed her completely, she needed to get away before he got to her yet again.

****
Khushi awoke the next morning, her eyes still droopy from the lack of sleep. She quickly slammed the alarm off and sat up in bed. There was a heavy coolness that she could feel around her and she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to turn the heaters on. She sighed deeply and put her legs out of the quilt, bracing herself for yet another monotonous day. She was slowly but surely trying to forget that he was back, that the black shadow of his presence was now only inches away from her but she was struggling.

****

Arnav strode over to the bathroom and bringing his hands together let the water collect in them then splashed it over his face. He did this several times till he felt that the tiredness had worn off, then turning the knob in the shower stepped in. Sleep didn't come to him normally anymore, ever since she had left he had become sort of an insomniac. Whenever he closed his eyes nightmares would engulf him, nightmares of his own sodden actions. And now the results of them were so horribly clear, he'd left her lifeless, hiding away in a secluded part of the world, hiding away from everything that she held close. He needed to talk to her, he needed to tell her, the burden of knowing that she lived a life of sorrow all because of him, that he had kept from her something that she deserved to know. Letting the water scorch his skin as he always did he slowly turned the knob down. His movements were precise measured, if it wasn't for routine he would find it difficult to survive.

Bringing his phone out he quickly pressed down his Di's number and placed it to his ear, the cool drops of water of his still wet hair dripping down his neck and onto his t-shirt.

"Di? How are you?" He began as he always did, first asking about her to take away from the fear that something could have happened whilst he was away.

"I'm fine chottey. And she's fine," she answered back, a slight smile adorning her face, fully aware of why he called. It used to always be to actually see if she was okay but it wasn't anymore and she didn't miss that. In part she blamed herself, for being blind to the truth, for not bringing what she had found in front of him earlier, for letting him protect her over and over again and never letting him know that his happiness also mattered to her. His sole focus was now only on one person and it was as if her brother went blind and deaf to the rest of the world and if she was being honest she didn't blame him. All he had ever been given was unhappiness and now he held onto the only thing that gave him stability.

"Has she eaten? Did she have dinner last night?" He questioned then, the concern clear in his voice.

"Yes chottey she had dinner last night, somewhat reluctantly as always but I made sure she had enough food. And she's just ran off after having breakfast," she smiled fondly into the phone. "She is now out playing with Ayaan," she reassured him smiling and looked behind her to make sure that they were still within familiar distance.

"That's great, please do call me when Arshia comes back," his voice was quiet, he spoke of her with a sort of devotion then slowly cut the call off.

--

"Arshia!" Anjali called out as she walked out into the back garden where Ayaan, her little son could be seen crawling around in his mat. She looked around a little, not able to find her at first. "Arshu baby? Where are you hunni?" She called out again just as a little face peaked out from behind the little plastic pony at the side. She walked over and crouched down, taking the little hand into hers, "hi baby? Your pappa called, he wants to talk to you," she smiled creating a similarly large grin on the little girls face, her two small front teeth visible through her otherwise toothless smile. Anjali watched for a few seconds, taking in the beauty of her brothers little bundle of joy, her eyes large and dove-like, just like her mothers, the small spheres however a golden caramel, what seemed to be mixture of her brothers and Khushi's, the little button like nose, her soft porcelain like skin. The similarities between Arshia and Khushi were striking and she couldn't even begin to understand how much it must hurt her brother to live unable to escape his memories of her. She'd watched as Arnav had gradually lost all of his happiness, first their parents, then Khushi, then his own mistakes; after Khushi had left he had become a cold hard shell, closing himself off from the rest of the world, refusing to converse with people unless needed, refusing to move on with life. And then Arshia had happened and she'd seen that tiny spark in his eyes, how he had fought tooth and nail for her and then the will to live back in him as he desperately tried to find Khushi, to tell her what had happened but all in vain. He hadn't found her and now Anjali was sure he never would and she'd seen his life come crashing down once again. And now his soul purpose was Arshia, if he lived, breathed, worked it was all for her. Anjali held out her finger which Arshia quickly sent her tiny fingers around, then running her other arm around her back lifted the little girl up. "Come baby, we'll go talk to pappa okay?" Anjali smiled as she carried her and walked back into the house. She knew that her brother's day would be incomplete without talking to his daughter.

****

Slowing down the car he signalled left then slowly turned in, scanning the numbers of the buildings. Thirteen, he needed to find thirteen, he drove extremely slowly, making sure that he did not miss it and that's when he finally spotted it. A large green door with the number thirteen etched on it. Moving a bit more forward he eased the car into a parking spot. He sat there for a few more seconds, taking in deep breaths and bracing himself for yet another encounter, that he expected to not go well. But if only he could get through to her once, let the words flow and tell her what he had to say. Although the fear of the unknown, what her finding out would bring to his life continued to crippled his senses he would inevitably have to tell her, and he would rather do that whilst Arshia was still a baby. He didn't want Arshia to grow up and find that he had kept her away from her mother and hate him too. He placed his hand on the gear stick, contemplating on just driving off once again. Would Arshia hate him? Would she find out? Yes she probably would and she would hate him. Would he be able to live with her hatred? He gulped, the fear too real for him to even think about it, he felt the strongest of pain engulf him then. No he wouldn't be able to live with her hatred, not Arshia's hatred. He let his fingers slide back off the gear stick and clenched them into a fist instead, scrunching his eyes shut for a moment, the raw agony in his face clear. Snapping his eyes back open he snatched the keys out of the slot then slammed his way out of the car. he would tell her. Today. Once and for all.

The buzzer was broken, the door already open and he let himself in, flat number F, that would have to be the final one, his steps were measured, slow as his feet hit against the laminate flooring of the corridors then the steps, the pace of his heart beat increasing with each step.

In my life I don't mean much to anyone
I've lost my way can't go back anymore
Once I had everything now it's gone
Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before

Some people say that I'm not worth it 
I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect
Guess I'll give it a try


****

Khushi's head snapped up suddenly, her fingers freezing on the apple that she had been cutting. She gulped, feeling fear and unease rapidly creep up her spine. Aryan had already arrived, then left for his hotel, he wouldn't come back without calling her first. Could it be? No! He wouldn't be able to find her. She quickly placed the apple on the counter and wiping her hands on the tea towel made her way over to the door, her bare feet slow on the wooden flooring. She could feel the slight tremble in her fingers, the way her heart seemed to almost skip every beat.

He knocked again, sure that this was her flat, his knuckles loud against her wooden door. "Open the door Khushi, please open the door," he mumbled to himself just as it cracked open, the abruptness of it causing his hand to freeze mid-knock.

I've got one last chance to get myself together
I can't lose no more time it's now or never and I'll try to remember who I used to be 
I've got one last chance to get myself together

Her eye widened instantly, taking in the tall form of if she was being correct, her husband. She felt herself immediately take a step back. He seemed frozen to the spot for a few seconds, his cold hard gaze steadily trained on her.

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, his heart pound through his ribs at a pace even he had not known possible. Was he breathing? Yes he was, damn it why did she always have this affect on him. He struggled to move his gaze away from her large hazel eyes, struggled to form coherent words. Then almost of their own accord his feet began to move forward, nearly crossing the threshold in to her flat when she snapped back into her senses and narrowed the opening in the door. She sighed then, the situation finally properly registering in her mind.

"Why have you come here Arnav?" She questioned, all sense of emotion seemingly lost from her voice.

He averted his gaze then, the shame and guilt consuming him once more, "I..." he struggled to form the right words, the cold almost mechanical edge to her voice scaring him.

"Why are you back? Why now? After all of these years?" She continued, her cold gaze not wavering for a second and he struggled to meet her eyes, for fear of the hatred that he would see in them.

"Khushi I just wanted to..." He tried again, his voice low, constrained.

"You wanted to what Arnav?" She cut him off harshly, her brows knitting together in annoyance. "You wanted to start over again? Is that it? You think you can do all that you have done to me and start all over again? Is that it?" She questioned, she opened the door fully then, her fear of subsiding and commenced to standing in front of him with her arms folded, her expression challenging whilst he continued to look down, away from her.

He allowed himself a seconds glance towards her then averted his eyes once more, her stance, the anger she seemed to have towards him too much for him to handle.

"Please Khushi I just need to tell you something and then..."

"No!" She exclaimed, feeling the tears now only seconds away from pouring out. "You cannot just walk back into my life and think you have the right to go ahead and tell me anything!" She screamed, bubbles of tears gathering up around the rims of her eyes, her finger pointed out towards him shaking and red.

"Khushi I just," he tried again, wanting to just grab her hand and shout at her all over again but stifling that reaction for it would only make things worse.

"NO!" She screamed, her gaze almost penetrating through him and he felt himself freeze to the spot. "NO! Just leave! JUST LEAVE!" She screamed as he stared back completely dumbfounded. "And do not ever come back!"

"Khushi just once," he began to mumble again only to be cut off by her.

"I mean it Arnav! Just leave! And if you come back I swear to you I will take out a restraining order!"

He pounced forward suddenly, the contours of his face hardening, his eyes cold and unnerving, every muscle in his body tensed with the sudden anger that seemed to course through him as she looked up, her fears re-surfacing, almost crouching away from his frightening glare. "Just let me fucking speak damn it! Just for once let me speak!" He growled through gritted teeth, his fingers digging into her flesh.

"You're hurting me Arnav," she struggled as she squirmed within his grip.

"And what about the fact that I'm hurting? What about the fact that I need to tell you this before I break down completely!" He screamed, her eyes widening in shock in reaction.

"How dare you? How dare you always think that only your pain matters? And what about all those times when I wanted to speak and you wouldn't let me?" She questioned, her voice equally as loud, her face now only inches away from him.

He felt himself waver for a second, his grip on her loosening slightly, that had cut a little too deep, he gulped needing to go on. He slid his hands towards her wrists, tightening his hold on them once again and pulled her closer into himself. "Just let me say what I have to say Khushi. I need to get this out and then I'll leave, please, "his voice was quieter again, pleading, his chocolate brown eyes looking into the depths of hers as tears streamed out of her own.

"I can't Arnav I can't let myself go back there again. Whatever you have to say I don't want to know," she mumbled looking away from him, not wanting to show him her tears, tears that shouldn't be flowing for him.

"You do want to know," he tried to reason, shaking her wrists and making her look back up towards him.

"I don't," she shook her head, looking away once again.

"You do!" His voice was louder again.

"I don't Arnav," she looked back at him, the determination clear in her eyes.

"Don't you want to know..."

"I don't Arnav! I don't want to know!" She screamed, their angry gazes now clashing. "I don't want to know!" She shouted again.

"Don't you want to know Khushi..." He shouted again trying to get through to her, shaking her.

"No I don't want to! I don't want to know anything!" She cut him off again.

"Don't you want to know Khushi that..."

"I don't..."

"Don't you want to know that," he pulled her closer, causing her to look straight into his eyes, "that you have a CHILD!" He finally shouted.

I don't wanna be misunderstood 
I've got to take this chance and make it into something good...




There daughter's name is Arshia, I found it pretty apt and the fact that it actually is a real name made me quite happy. So hope you guys like it too :). It means heavenly or divine :). 



2 comments:

  1. what how and she does not know she has a child he hid the fact they had a child oh boy she has much more to hate him for no awesome update

    ReplyDelete
  2. she doesn't know that the child is alive. And well he didn't exactly hide it from her he just couldn't find her to tell her the truth but she'll think he hid it from her ;). And thank you! xx

    ReplyDelete

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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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