Saturday, 5 January 2013

Chapter 12 - Our Pasts Laced In Pain


~
I promise you 
I will try harder
to be better.
I
have battled with things
inside me
for longer than you know;
I do not know
what they are
or why they are there,
I only know
that they feel
manageable,
defeatable,
when I
am around
You.
- Tyler Knott Gregson
~


She stumbled back a few steps, watching him leave, her fingers tightened on the roll of paper involuntarily and she felt herself fall onto the couch at the far end of the room with a thud, her eyes still glued to the doorway. She somehow couldn’t peel them away from his trail, she didn’t understand, she never had understood. Over the years she had thought about it so many times, about her, about him, how they’d met, what had happened and not for the first time it occurred to her that maybe they were never made for each other. Maybe they were both two different people that were created to live separately and alone for their entire lives and through some twisted route of fate they had met. But now it was different, somewhere down that twisted path they’d forgotten the rules of the game and now neither of them could turn back. She didn’t even try to wipe the tears that fell down her cheeks this time, there was no point, it was as if she was forever destined to cry. Her fingers shook against the bundle of papers in her hands and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to look at them.

Why was none of this making sense? Why couldn’t he just tell her whatever it is that he wanted to say and get it all over with? Did he want her to take Arshia with her or not? What sort of sick messed up game was this that he was playing? Hadn’t she paid enough and that too for a mistake that she hadn’t even committed?

Wiping her cheek with the back of her hand she finally brought the papers in front of her. Police reports? Why was he giving her police reports? She unfurled the sheets slowly, folding over a corner with her thumb then straightening it back up again. She didn’t know why but her heartbeat started increasing, echoing in her ears. Swallowing she brought it closer to her face, her eyes already scanning through the small print.

Her eyes widened suddenly, she felt her breath hitch in her throat and she had to re-read it to make sure she was not mistaken.

Mr Shyam Manohar Jha taken into custody on the charges of kidnap.

Victim: Baby Raizada”

She sat their, stock still, frozen to the spot for a few seconds, her mind whirring out of control with feelings that even she herself could not comprehend. She felt her heart double in speed in her chest, it was as if she had suddenly been struck by lightening.

She looked up, her eyes large, her gaze stuck in the distance, not focusing on anything in particular. Large drops of tears must have fallen down her face and fallen onto the fabric of her trousers but she didn’t notice. She was lost, numb, empty. She closed her eyes slowly, letting the tears that had brimmed fall down her cheeks. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to make things better, if she could make things better. Her hand went to the base of her neck, soothing the pain that irrupted up her throat, swallowing hard, attempting to bring moisture to her dry throat. Her fingers tightened on the paper, almost crinkling the paper in her efforts to hold on and keep sane. She didn’t read on, she didn’t think she could.

****

“Khushi Kumari Gupta?” The judge questioned, raising an eyebrow and peering over his specs at Mr Roy, quietly scrutinizing his shuffling form, the way he licked his lips then looked in all directions but at the judge. Making a rough mental note of the lawyer’s erratic behavior, the judge flicked through a few more pages. He read through the text slowly, then looked up towards Roy once more. “I understand that Mrs Khushi Kumari Gupta was the victims mother,” he closed the file over once more, clasping his hands together, this time looking straight towards Roy, “would you care to explain to me Mr Roy how in the world that makes sense?” His voice was more abrupt this time, it was clear that he was done with any games that were being played.

Roy gulped, slowly anticipating his impending doom. Licking his parched lips once more he quickly reached for the glass of water in front of him, his fingers almost slipping off of the glass. He took in the water through several loud gulps then looked back up at the judge again. “You see me lord,” he began his voice at first slightly unsteady. “The mother of the child was in a relationship with my client.”

The judge watched him with knitted eyebrows, trying to make sense of the story that was being put towards him.

“As you are aware my client is married to Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha,” Roy’s words were clearer this time, his voice louder as he began to slowly narrate the story Shyam had created for him, every word memorized.

The judge nodded slowly, re-opening the file and reading through another paragraph for his confirmation. “Yes Roy I am aware and how does that relate?” The judge questioned quickly, not prepared to waste time.

Roy swallowed hard, trying to diffuse the nervousness that wouldn’t seize to creep up his spine. “Well whilst he was married to Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha he was in a relationship with Ms Khushi Kumari Gupta.”

“You mean Mr Shyam Manohar Jha and Mrs Khushi Singh Raizada were in an extra-marital affair?” The judge questioned, re-phrasing Roy’s words and getting to the point.”

Roy shook his head quickly then leaned forward on his chair, “no no Ms Khushi Kumari Gupta was not married to Mr Arnav Singh Raizada at the time.” Roy stated then, explaining the situation clearly.

The judge nodded, quickly scribbling down a note on that, “okay continue.”

“Me lord when Mr Arnav Singh Raizada found out about the affair without warning his sister; Mrs Anjali Manohar Jha, he took matters into his own hands and forced Ms Khushi Kumari Gupta to marry him.”

The judges eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he returned to his straight, apathetic face, “I see,” he began to write more in the pad of paper that lay in front of him, his slanted handwriting rapid on the lined paper. “So Mr Raizada forced Ms Gupta to marry him?” He questioned again, re-confirming this fact.

“Yes me lord,” Roy answered nodding quickly.

“Okay continue,” the judge allowed once more.

He gulped, willing his mind to bring forth the right words, “as you can imagine me lord, Ms Gupta was not happy with this fact and wanted revenge. Therefore on finding out that she was pregnant she left Mr Raizada’s house and continued her pregnancy elsewhere. At the end of the term my client and Ms Gupta acted out this farce of loosing the child in order to obtain money from Mr Raizada,” his throat was dry by the time he finished.

The judge looked up at him, frowning, “but Mr Roy  it was Mr Jha that contacted Mr Raizada, he was caught red handed, arrested on the spot.” He stated the facts, trying to gain a straight story.

“Yes me lord, Ms Gupta obviously suspected that things where going wrong and fled the country before anything more could be found out about her involvement.

The judge nodded slowly, making more notes, “and do you have any evidence to prove this?” He finally questioned.

Roy swallowed hard, “yes me lord.”

****

Her steps where slow, she walked as if in a daze, her feet stopping in front of his room almost automatically, closing her eyes, her chest heaving with every breath, tears streaking down her cheeks and her heart pounding away in her chest she slowly walked in, the bundle of sheets still enclosed in her grip.

Arnav stood with his back to her, looking out at the sky outside which had darkened with grey clouds, edging closer as it rapidly covered the piercing rays of the sun, making way for the rain to fall in all its glory. He wanted escape, to run away, to forget, to not think, to live but he knew he would have none of those things. He wished she would understand, that he would have another chance but that too he had lost hope for. He wished he could tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted to make up for all of his wrong, how much he needed her but knew he wouldn’t. He was never good with words and now when he thought about it he didn’t know what he would say, how he would say it because in the end they would just be mere words, words in exchange for all the pain that he had caused her and they would never be enough; not for what he had put her through. And he knew he was not worthy of her forgiveness, knew how little faith she had in him, her thinking that he was the one to tell her that he child was dead was enough proof to him of what she still thought of him. He attempted to prevent himself from breaking down once more because the tears were too little in front of the torment he had to live with each and every day. If only she knew how much it had hurt him to hurt her, how his heart had cracked with every word he had uttered against her. Maybe this was his penance - her misjudgment, living the rest of his life devoid of her forgiveness.

He didn’t notice her, didn’t hear her come till she was right behind him. He turned around slowly as he heard her feet shuffle behind him.

She looked up at him, unable to let the incoherent sentences that formed in her mind escape, she didn’t know what to ask him, what to say, where to begin.

He let his eyes hover over her face for a few seconds, she looked so timid, so lost, he just wanted to grab her, let her rest her head against his chest as he soothed her out of this nightmare that they were living, but he couldn’t so he chose the only words he could form.

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closets to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

He faced away from her, turning back around towards the glass doors then out at the rapidly darkening sky. He couldn’t face her, didn’t think he could watch sorrow cross her beautiful face.

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

He didn’t want to relive it ever again, let those thoughts, those crippling moments cross his mind but he had no other option, she had to know the truth.

“I was getting ready for work when I first got the phone call,” his voice was low and constricted as he began. “I wasn’t expecting anything and at first I didn’t even understand what was being said to me,” he continued, putting it exactly the way it had been. “I remember being told that my child had been kidnapped, that I wouldn’t get her back unless I paid a ransom and I just didn’t understand.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, facing completely away from her, watching single raindrops as they began to fall one by one.

“I was so lost Khushi,” she could hear his voice breaking as he continued, her body frozen to the spot, she didn’t think she could move. “I didn’t know that I had a child,” he turned around then to face her, his gaze meeting hers, “I didn’t know that you had been pregnant,” his voice was almost inaudible and her tear-glazed eyes widened at his words, maybe she should have told him.

Gulping back the tears that choked his throat he looked away from her to continue, fighting against tears that threatened to fall. “I remember adding up the months in my head, it didn’t make any sense, it hadn’t been 9 months since you’d left but I took the chance anyway. I agreed to pay the ransom then contacted the police,” he finally mumbled looking back at her.

“I… She… Arshia was 7 months premature,” she stuttered out, cutting in, she felt that she needed to explain.

He nodded slowly before she could continue, “I know,” he mumbled, his words somehow felt gentle and she was surprised that for once he hadn’t jumped to another assumption.

His eyes flickered over the wavering emotions of her face before a wry smile tugged at his lips, “you’re surprised right? That I didn’t think anything else of it?” He asked and she looked up at him surprised, she hadn’t expected him to pick up on that.

He continued on, letting his gaze flicker away from her large eyes, “I knew that I’d made a mistake Khushi, I wasn’t going to do the same thing a second time round,” the regret was clear in his voice.

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

She finally managed to awaken her voice again, her gaze falling onto the empty edges of the pool, where his pots of plants had once stood, then back to him again, his fallen face, his haggard features. She closed her eyes for a moment; let her questions come through to the forefront. She didn’t want to imagine that pain again, of thinking that she had lost everything, of being left with nothing and she couldn’t bring herself to relate to his pain, to being told that a child that he had never known existed was suddenly in danger, she couldn’t tell how that would have felt like.

“Why didn’t you…” She began only to be cut off by him.

He looked to her for a second, “at first it was chaos I didn’t have the time to search for you,” he looked away again, continuing as he stared on to an empty corner of the wall. “When we found her she was weak, they’d fed her but she hadn’t received the proper care she needed as a premature baby,” his voice sounded lost somewhere, guarded and devoid of emotions as if he was shielding away from impending pain.

She couldn’t stop the tears that had gathered in her eyes from falling, from covering her mouth with her hands to stop the ragged sobs from escaping, she didn’t want to imagine her little angel going through that, didn’t want to see what he had seen.

He closed his eyes for a second, attempting to keep his assaulting emotions at bay, his expression filled with pain. “I had to keep her in care for two weeks, under observation for another week, she had to be given a ventilator, be incubated, I… I couldn’t,” his voice began to break, his words faltering as he tried to hold himself together, “I didn’t know what to do, how to save her and I didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t.”

She could hear the tears that choked his voice, feel his raw emotions, she tried to escape the images that began to haunt her, not imagine that her child had been put through so much pain.

“I wanted to find you, call you, tell you that Arshia was with me, that she was fine, know why you’d left her in the first place but I didn’t know where to start, what to say.”

She watched him in shock, she could see his walls breaking and she didn’t know how to react, not this time round.

He looked down to the floor as he continued, “I knew that somewhere along the line this was all my fault, that if I hadn’t…” He closed his eyes in pain, clenching his fists at his side.

She looked to him in disbelief; she hadn’t expected him to be sorry for his mistakes, not like this.

He looked to her once more, holding her gaze, “I tried to look for you a few months later,” he mumbled taking a step towards her, “I did try Khushi but maybe I didn’t try hard enough,” he admitted solemnly, letting his gaze fall to the ground once more, “I knew you’d take her from me if you found out and I didn’t think I could afford to lose her too, so maybe I stopped every time I got close to finding you.”

She didn’t know what to say, she hadn’t expected for him to open upto her, to tell her the truth and now that he had she didn’t know what to say or do.

He looked up towards her once more, his gaze colliding once more with her wide eyes as they flitted through his featured.

“And I’m sorry for keeping her from you, for not trying harder to find you, I’m sorry Khushi,” his voice was barely above a whisper, broken in places.

She took a step back, her eyes tracing over his downcast features, she was stumbling over her own emotions, she hadn’t expected any of this, and she hadn’t expected his apology.

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am…

 She walked backwards, she was breaking down, and she couldn’t prevent the ragged sobs that escaped her. His arm outstretched towards her, to stop her, but she didn’t have the strength to listen to anymore, she couldn’t accept his apology so she ran.

****

“Hello?” Anjali frowned as she answered the phone, she didn’t usually answer unknown numbers but this had been coming through for quite a few days.

“Rani Sahiba?”

Her eyes widened in horror, her fingers trembling as her phone slid out of her grasp and fell to the floor. She took a step back as it broke into pieces. She could recognize that gruff voice no matter where she heard it.

****

He continued to type away at his laptop furiously, his thoughts were haywire, his mind restless. He had to find out if she was okay, he hadn’t meant to hurt her, he’d just wanted her to know the truth.

Exhaling loudly he finally stood up then stomped out of his room.

She looked up slowly on hearing his steps approach her, sniffing and wiping away the tears that had flown down her cheeks. She stood up off of the couch as he stood watching her from the door.

She walked towards him; her steps slow then let her gaze meet his. He had to clench his fists at his side; he was always the one to put tears in her eyes.

He let his gaze hover over her, then let it drop suddenly catching onto the lone packed back at the side. He’d been to Arshia’s room earlier, Khushi had unpacked the stuff that she had packed for her and left it to a side of the room. She was leaving and this time she was leaving without Arshia.

“Khushi,” he began, his voice soft, letting his gaze fall upon her once more.

She couldn’t take it, couldn’t hold in her tears any longer. Her body began to shake with the force of her tears as loud sobs escaped her, her hands clasped together as she sobbed against them.

His hands went out to her immediately, all of his inhibitions forgotten, he gripped her by the shoulders and brought her closer to himself, supporting her. “Khushi,” he tried again.

“I can’t do this anymore Arnav,” she spoke through her sobs, “I just can’t! And now more than anything I don’t know what to do!” She wanted to lean into him, let his strong arms go around her but she didn’t let herself fall weak once more, she didn’t want to let him in for him to walk away all over again.

He held onto her, his fingers tight against her skin, he didn’t know what to say, how to make her feel better.

“I’m not taking Arshia Arnav,” she looked up towards him, her hazel orbs drowning in her tears, “I can’t take her away from you. At first it was different,” she found it difficult to talk through the tears that choked her throat, “and now I know that you didn’t do any of this so how can I break away the beautiful bond you have with her and attempt to form a new one Arnav?”

Arnav closed his eyes for a second, the words not coming to him, what was he supposed to say? “Khushi, I…”

“No Arnav,” she cut him off, “my mind is made, I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m not taking Arshia with me,” she wiped further tears that edged down her cheeks then quickly walked off leaving him to drown in his own miserable thoughts.

****

Khushi stirred in her sleep, her closed eyes scrunching together as she let her hand guide out to her little angel that lay wrapped up against her. Her eyes snapped open suddenly, her hands landing on empty space. She fumbled, panic rising in her throat, her fingers going out and feeling for the switch. She pressed down on it quickly, throwing the room into brightness, her eyes widening as mind numbing fear engulfed her. Where was Arshia?

She threw the covers off, her feet quickly landing on the floor. Standing up she ran out of the room, every muscle in her body tensed with the fear that overtook her.

She stopped suddenly in front of his room, the pumping of her heart echoing in her ears, almost drowning out the low splash of water then happy giggles that floated out from within. She felt herself become drawn, her feet lead her of their own accord. Her eyes widened further, her breath hitching in her throat as she finally witnessed what lay before.

Through the enchanting blue gleam of the moonlight she witnessed for what wasn’t the first time the immense love that floated between them, the laugh lines in his face, his childish laugh that she had only known for brief glimpses of time, mirroring her angel, her tiny little giggles as she splashed water on his face.

She wasn’t aware of the smile that pulled at her lips, how her eyes lighted up and she walked further into the room, wishing that she too one day be part of that bubble, the bubble of love that he would forever keep her cradled in.

She couldn’t help the gentle prick of tears that threatened to clog her eyes; all those years of thinking so bitterly of him had almost rendered her incapable of thinking that he was able to express such love. She swallowed hard, she knew she had made the right decision, she couldn’t break Arshia away from him and force her to replace that tie with her, she would never be a good mother if she did that.

She watched the distant moon, shimmer and disappear in the glaze of her tears, she closed her eyes shut then, letting the tears that had gathered trail down her face. What was she supposed to do? Every time she was close to fixing things, to moving, to letting go fate would intervene, play its hideous games then leave her to clear up a mess that she hadn’t been responsible for in the first place. She wanted to let go, forget where she was and just slide down to the floor, let the tears flow, let herself cry till there were no more tears left, till she was exhausted and could finally fall into deep sleep. She wished she could turn back time, that things had worked out better.

She almost missed the gentle tug of fingers around the tip of her own fingers that snapped her out of the dark abyss she had been falling into.

“Mamma! Mamma!” The soft voice of her daughter caused her to slowly open her eyes, her gaze clashing momentarily with his then falling again. She sat down then, letting herself sit level with her daughter, her eyes only focused on the soft dazzling orbs of her little angel as she grinned back at Khushi.

"Mamma! Wook water!" She giggled, clapping her little chubby hands together then running her hand around Khushi's finger began to drag her over towards the pool. She felt the past come back to her in visions then, her broken life, his scattered pieces of a loved soul, shards of glass on the floor, that final night. She scrunched her eyes shut trying to shun the images away as more tears gathered and grazed down her cheeks.

She felt Arshia's grip tighten on her finger then the tiniest of tugs but she didn't want to open her eyes, she didn't want to return to the present that echoed so much of her past.

"Mamma! Mamma!" She exclaimed, pulling at her finger till Khushi finally opened her eyes, the glimmers of the brightly lit pool coming through to her as one large blurry image. "Mamma!" Arshia pulled again, her tiny brows furrowing together at the lack of response and Khushi felt herself drop down to the floor and sit next to her of her own accord. She couldn't stop it anymore, couldn't prevent her tormenting thoughts, the pain that constricted her heart, the ache that throbbed through her every bone.

She finally broke down, her chest heaving with the sobs that racked through her as she sent her arms around her little baby hugging her to her, cocooning her tiny body to herself, feeling the soft living flesh. This was what loss felt like, this was what helplessness felt like. The tears fell down in torrents as her arms continued to tighten around her, she felt little fingers cling to her body, little fingers that she would never feel again.

"Mamma... Mamma are woo okay?" The gentle tinkling voice of her child that she would never be bestowed the treasure of hearing again. She burrowed her head in the softness of her little angels skin, as ragged sobs continued to escape her.

He felt a piece of his heart break off with her every cry, her every tear adding to the scorching trail of fire that burned through him. He closed his eyes in pain for a second, his hands clenching into fists at his side but he couldn't escape it, couldn't bring himself to walk away from her sobs that would forever echo through his ears. His feet moved towards her of their own accord, till he was kneeling down behind her, till he could almost feel the trembles that shook through her.

"Khushi," his voice was a ragged whisper as he placed his hand on her shoulder, feeling her still at his touch, her sobs subsiding for a second.

And in that split second that reverberated with the quietness that surrounded them all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her chest and the blood rush through her ears.

"Khushi, please take her with you... Please Khushi I can live without her... For the pain that you've been through... You can have her," he finally struggled through words that had ceased to flow out earlier, he couldn't bare this any longer. He didn't want her to go through the same thing over and over again because of him; his cycle of mistakes assaulting her with every turn.

She heard his words, the plea hidden in his stuttered sentence and she felt herself go numb, unsure of whether to cry or to laugh at the cruel turns of her life, whether to agree or not despite knowing the sadness in his life.

"Please Khushi..." He had given up hoping for a better future, for a family, all he wanted was to see her happy even if that happiness would not include him.

She turned around then, her little angel still cradled in her arms, her gaze clashing with his blazing caramel orbs, glazed over with tears that he too was on the brink of shedding. She couldn't help but fall for the helplessness in his eyes, understand a man that was now truly broken. This was not the Arnav Singh Raizada she had married, this was not the man that pushed and hurt and yelled, this was not the man that was used to having his way with everything, with her. No this was the Arnav she had known so many years ago, the man whose heart she had recognised even through the walls, the man who had sat on a bench in the pouring rain and narrated to her a past that had left his life the scarred remains he now lived. And what was she supposed to do infront of that man now? How was she supposed to reply to him, how was she supposed to hurt him?

She looked down then, averting her eyes, taking a deep breath in she finally replied, "I can't Arnav... I... I can barely survive on my own and I can't possibly make her go through that too. And Arnav I can't live a life with the guilt that I broke her ties off from you, that I left her without a father," she finally mumbled, not meeting his gaze that she could feel burning through her then rapidly standing up walked away from him, to the other end of the room, her baby snuggled in the confines of her arms.

He went and stood behind her, he was adamant with his decision, "Khushi why don't you understand that I can't do this either, I can't leave her without a mother... I can't let my mistakes hover over her too," his voice was hoarse as he fought to prevent himself from breaking down further.

She heard the desperation in his voice but chose to ignore it, "then get married again Arnav," she muttered with a stone over her heart, she just needed to get away, "Arshia's still small, she won't understand..."

He put his hand on her shoulder and swung her around suddenly and she flinched from the anger that was evident in his features. "What the hell is wrong with you Khushi?!" He screamed through gritted teeth. "Get married again? Lie to Arshia? Are you fucking insane?"

"What's so wrong with that? Why can't you do it?" She screamed back, refusing to back down, she had made her decision and if he wanted to change that then he'd have to give into the words that he always hid from her. Why couldn't he just tell her to stay? If only he'd ask once she would.

He didn't know what took over him then, he took a step forward, grabbing her by both of her shoulders, her face only inches away from his, her large bewildered eyes clashing against his, "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMN IT! Because I still want to fix things! Because I still have hope for us! Because I still regret every word I've said to you!" He shook her as he exclaimed out the feelings that he had hidden within him for so long. He moved away from her finally, letting go of his grip on her, his gaze averted to the floor, not even noticing the tears that trailed down her cheeks.

"What sort of monster do you think I am Khushi?" His voice was broken, heavy with the tears that he still held intact.

"Arnav," she didn't know why she uttered his name, her voice filled with tears, "I..."

"Because I love you damn it!" His words still reverberating in her ears.

He looked up towards her once more, "I'm not asking for forgiveness Khushi and I wish I didn't have to ask you for anything because I know it's unfair," he cut her off, his voice low and almost inaudible. "But I don't know if I have any other option, I don't know how to make things right," he was finally voicing his feelings, his fears and she didn't know how to reply to that, how to take back what she had said.

"I just wish you'd stay," he finally muttered, and she felt herself become lost in his deep chocolate brown orbs once more. Their eyes meeting to speak the words that had been left unfinished for so long and she did not know of any other reply than the one that left her lips, "I think I will."

~
I wonder if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. 
- The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
~




5 comments:

  1. Awww,it was amazing:D
    I was on the verge of crying-had a huge lump in my throat:'(
    So glad that Arnav finally told Khushi about her feelings-"I love you dammit"(LOL)
    That creep Shyam is coming back-noooo!
    hate hate hate him!
    I.F I.d samaz95

    ReplyDelete
  2. emotional update beautifully done finally the arnav stupid raizada told her hoe he felt awesome and snake is on his way back poor khushi she went through so much no fault of her because of two men lust anger love depravity and stupid and hate and all asr had to do was ask her the truth and look for is awesome update

    ReplyDelete
  3. beautiful update! i was soo close to crying .. glad that arnav finally said what he wanted to say and khushi heard what she was waiting for ! :) hopefully things get better now.. somehow.. though the evil Snake is back!!
    great update!

    Nisha(IF-Blulavender7)

    ReplyDelete
  4. beautifully written
    docbenna

    ReplyDelete
  5. Finally...you described their emotions so so beautifully...

    ReplyDelete

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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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