Friday, 23 November 2012

Chapter 9 - Our Broken Keys


~
I've got a bad case of three am guilts you know when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn't do right? Because, as we all know nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self loathing. 
- D. D. Barant
~

"Arnav, I'm taking Arshia with me,"

He felt himself automatically take a step back, his eyes now on his little angel cradled in between her mothers arms, lost in the warmth that he could possibly never give her. He wanted to argue, to fight, to demand that Arshia be left with him. Tell her that he had looked after her for fifteen months, that he had been the one that had been there for the child whilst Khushi had hidden herself in a remote corner of the world. But he didn't because he knew it was wrong, because he knew he had been the one to drive her there. Everything that was happening, everything that she was going through all of it was his fault. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he continued to watch his little baby, feeling like his very heart was crackling, tearing under the pressure. He gulped back the tears that were on the edge of falling, not even having the strength to look up into her eyes. Closing his eyes for a second he gathered his thoughts, losing himself in the pain that seemed to take over him completely and for once decided to do the right thing. His molten caramel eyes met her confused hazel orbs, their clear decisions clashing. Looking to Arshia for what felt like the last time he slowly nodded. 

Her eyes widened in return, not quite able to recognise this weak man that stood in front of her, his head bowed, his shoulders hunched, his eyes hardly meeting hers. She saw him turn away, not bothering to look at her again and for the first time she felt unsure of her decision. If he had deliberately hidden Arshia from her why was he giving in this easily?

"I'll... I'll tell Di to pack her stuff and then get someone to deliver the rest of it," he mumbled, his voice cracking at points as he fought to keep his emotions at bay.

She didn't understand any of this, this wasn't the Arnav Singh Raizada she knew. The one that demanded, threatened, had his way; this was a different man and after so many years she felt utterly confused.

****

"So baby where's your room?" Khushi smiled at her daughter, her little bundle of joy, letting Arshia wrap her small hand around her fingers as she grinned back then turning away began to lead her up the stairs, her feet taking each step at a time. Khushi felt that her heart would almost burst with pride at the sight in front of her, her hatred growing in an instant at Arnav for keeping this truth from her.

Her feet stalled almost of their own accord infront of the room that was so familiar yet not in so many ways. Her memories coming back to her in flashbacks, her lonely nights, waking up to tear soaked pillows. She couldn't stop the tears that once again filled her eyes and that's when she saw him. His body was perfectly erect, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he looked out at the stars that twinkled above. She didn't know what to make of her life anymore.

The gentle tug of Arshia's hand pulled her out of her drowning sorrow and she began to move down with her, her feet slower on the ground than they had been before. It felt strange and yet pieces of her life seemed to just fall together as soon as she was back here. This had been the very place that had robbed her of her countless dreams and yet she had never imagined that it would be the same place that would give her something so special and precious back. Her thoughts were still in a muddle, it felt as if she was walking through hazy clouds, nothing quite hitting her properly but she knew that the times ahead stood better for her. In Arshia she saw that will to live again, the flicker of hope growing by the second and that's all she had ever wanted. She tried to suppress that weak part of her heart that still held feelings for Arnav, still attempted to see the good in him because she knew she was only fooling herself.

As Arshia stepped into her room, her tiny feet padding against the thick carpet Khushi came to a complete standstill, her breath hitching in her throat, her mind completely frazzled, her jaw dropping open. Arshia tried to pull her with her but Khushi couldn't seem to find the strength in her limbs to move, her eyes fixated on the large portrait that was hung in front of her. She could almost hear the bolts of her brain clicking into place, she hadn't probed into it then but it had surprised her. She'd wanted to know how Arshia had recognised her despite not having ever seeing her and this answered all of her questions for in front of her was a large portrait of herself.

Arshia having given up slowly waddled away to her play area, grabbing a soft toy on the way, quickly losing herself in her own world as Khushi stood there, seemingly frozen to the spot. She felt the world spin around her, everything coming into focus then out again. Nothing made sense! Nothing! He'd forced her to marry him, told her to leave, took her daughter away from her, made her believe her child was dead but taught her child who she was at the same time? Why was he doing this? What was he gaining out of it? She felt dizzy, bile rising in her throat, his words, her memories ringing through her ears and she wanted to run away again. Just hide herself where no one would be able to find her.

****

His every sense felt crippled, his heart constricting and more than anything he felt that fear closing in on him again. The fear of losing. He stood up suddenly, feeling as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He didn't know what he would do if he lost Arshia, up until now everything he had held close, he had lost and he could see history repeating itself.

He wasn't even aware of how fast he had walked out of his room and ended up in front of Arshia's, his eyes instantly falling upon the lone figure int he middle, her fingers at her temples, her petite body unsteady and it was that familiar sensation that hit him this time. His foot went forward of its own accord, his arms outstretched as she fell straight into his arms then collided into his chest. Their gazes clashing for a second, molten caramel against dazzled hazel. Her fingers tightened on his shirt, her eyes squeezing shut. He felt fear in the pits of his stomach, his heart thudding away in his chest, the sensation of holding her in his own grasp tormenting him.

"Khushi? Khushi?" He questioned as she struggled and fell further against him, his arms tightened around her, preventing her fall. "Khushi? Khushi?" He shook her this time, not sure of what else to do, the fear that he felt at that very moment all too clear.

She gulped, her throat dry, that familiar feeling of nausea rising up her throat. Her hands struggled against his arms at first, not needing his help then gave in, she didn't have the strength in her to get back up. Her fingers dug into him as she fought to keep straight. "I just... I need water and maybe something to eat, I just don't feel too good," she mumbled, her voice weak and almost inaudible.

He nodded back, bringing her up and resting her against him, then sending his arm around her, hoisted her up into his arms.

"Chotey? Chotey?!" Anjali came running in, the panic clear in her voice then rushed over to Khushi immediately, her hand falling on to Khushi's forehead.

"Chotey what happened? Is Khushiji alright?" She questioned.

He nodded slowly, then began to walk out of the room just as Arshia came running towards Arnav, her small arms going around his leg.

"Papa... Mamma?" She questioned, her large eyes darting from her mother to her father. Arnav attempted to smile back, feeling completely and utterly drained.

"Baby don't worry Mamma just hasn't had food all day so she's tired okay huni," he looked to Anjali, she nodded immediately, not needing words to understand her brother.

"Arshu baby come Masi will take care of you okay," she cooed lifting her into her arms and smiled reassuringly at Arnav.


He felt weak himself, emotionally drained, not sure of what to do or say anymore. He wanted Khushi back, no needed her back, he couldn't afford to let Arshia go. He wanted a family. But was that what he deserved? Maybe not.

He felt the memories flood through him all over again as he placed her on his bed, their bed. Her eyes were tight shut, her forehead scrunched up. His hand went out to her, desperately wanting to smoothen those wrinkles on her soft skin but stopped himself. He had given up that right all those years ago. Gathering himself quickly, the tattered pieces of his unfixable mind he strode out of the room in search of Hari Prakash then deciding against it went to look for food himself.

****

"Shyam you do understand that your offence was a large one and that Mr Arnav Singh Raizada has the money and the power to actually put me out of a job if I go ahead with this?"

"Oh shut up Roy! You and I both know the ways of the trade. Plus you are currently out of money and if you get me out I'll give you that money," Shyam stated matter-of-factly, straightening up and leaning over on the desk, that snarl firmly present on his face.

"On what grounds Shyam? What am I appealing for here?" Roy questioned not in the least able to catch onto any part of Shyam's plan.

"Well I know that Arnav Singh Raizada's dear wife has gone missing of late and he nor anyone else is aware of her whereabouts," Shyam stated quite clearly satisfied on gaining this piece of information.

"And what does that have to do with this?" Roy questioned, his brows furrowed, not understanding any of what was being said.

Shyam exhaled loudly, his fists falling on the table, his face contorting into those manic features again. "For the love of god!" He exclaimed. "We claim that she was involved. That this had been her plan all along to get back at Arnav for his six month contract marriage to her,"

Roy nodded, attempting to finally understand, his fingers flicking at the copy of the contract that Shyam had managed to obtain.

"We then claim that on finding that her plan had backfired she'd fled the country," Shyam stated, his lips curling up with satisfaction as he slowly leaned back on the chair, appraising his colleagues confused expression.

"And what of the child?" Roya asked suddenly, still not quite gathering what Shyam's intentions were.

A snarl creeped up his face, his eyes alight in an almost manic fashion, he leaned forward on the desk, his palms pressed together, "and that's where the judge believes me my friend because the evidence is quite simply against her."

****

She fluttered her eye lashes a couple of times before opening her eyes completely, her hands automatically clenching the sheets as the nauseous pain hit her once more, her face scrunching up as she tried to ignore it. Her head felt heavy and she could feel her stomach knotting and clenching. She felt disorientated for a few seconds, her surroundings coming to her slowly, a large glass wardrobe, a green recliner, a large wind-chime. She sat up immediately, her eyes wide, gasping for breath. Was this a nightmare?

He was at her side immediately, his arm going around her shoulders, nothing but concern etched in those chocolate brown eyes of his. "Khushi are you alright? Will I get you more pain killers? Will I get you the food?" He bombarded her with questions, all of his insecurities, his coherent thoughts lost somewhere in the midst of his overwhelming concern for her well-being.

She stared at him for a moment, his worried face, his brows knotted together, how his words came out in a flurry but her frozen thoughts quickly gave way to her scarring memories. She began to struggle against him, shrugging his arm away.

He looked to her accusingly for a second, frustrated with her defiance but then his eyes widened as his understanding resurfaced. He broke away from her immediately, standing up and looking away, down, anywhere. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, taking several steps away. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I..." He shook his head, she didn't need anymore of his words. "I'm sorry... I'll send HP in with the food, you should eat something... It's... It's pretty late so if you think it right, stay here the night, you can sleep here," he mumbled then began to walk away, fighting against a second glance back.

Her eyes automatically flickered out of the large french doors into the darkness and the first thing she noticed was the barren walls, gone were the potted plants, the large blooming flowers, now replaced by empty corners, void of anything. Dismissing her thoughts quickly she tried to process what he had said. She had Arshia to take with her, she had to go home and reconcile, that couldn't be done now. He was right. Nodding to herself she looked to him, "I'll stay but I'll take the guest room," she stated, the words knocking off of his already battered heart.

He swallowed hard, not too sure if he even had the energy to speak anymore, "I don't sleep here anymore, so you're more than welcome to sleep in here but if you still don't want to then you can sleep in a guest room too," he finally replied, his voice low and tired then walked out, leaving a completely surprised Khushi behind.


****

She twisted and turned on the bed, too many images flashing through her mind. In one remote corner of her mind she was happy, inexplicably happy. That last image of Arshia still played over on her mind, her little baby sleeping in the snuggled up comforts of her cot. It warmed her, creating this bubble of joy that seemed to just seep through her, into her every pore. But then on the other hand she felt confused, at a loss for what to do next. She wanted to take Arshia with her but she couldn't will the  strength into her to take her away from Arnav. He had taken her baby away from her, kept her away for fifteen months and yet she was so ready to just give into him. She sat up awake, her eyes taking their time to adjust to the darkness, it was 3 am. She rubbed her hand at the base of her throat, it felt dry and parched. She fumbled around for a jug of water but found none. She felt lost, stranded, taking a deep breath and calming her senses she slowly got out of bed and walked out of the room.

Her feet were light against the floor, it was weird, being here again, where he was, back in a place that she had vowed never to return to. She could still remember her nights, the accusations, she forced her eyes shut for a moment, willing those thoughts away. She turned around out of habit, her feet had somehow stopped at his door. She allowed herself a peak in, her eyebrows arching together. His bed was empty, the door wide open. She didn't know why but she slowly walked in.

I don't sleep in here anymore

His words came back to her, what did that mean? Her feet were slow as she allowed herself to walk around the room, it suddenly hit her how desolate it felt. She noticed even in the darkness that he hadn't removed any of the small things that she had left behind.

Her wind-chime still clinked its music to the wind.

The stars she had hung at a corner of the room, still twinkled upon the gleam of the moon.

She turned the light on, plunging the room into brightness. Her fingers brushed over the handles of the drawers then finally pulled one open, feeling her heart almost stop at the sight before her. The jewellery that she had been given when she had arrived, all the boxes that she had left behind still lay in the drawer. She closed that one quickly, opening another one. Her files and books. The next one; her little trinket boxes full of all of the earrings and rings that she had acquired. She stepped back, refusing to look at anymore. Why had he kept all of her stuff?

She walked down the steps slowly, lost in her own messed up world, a thousand thoughts coursing through her. Her eyes followed the path of the moonlight as it bathed the house in it's light, her gaze freezing the very next second. She felt her whole body go numb.

He sat there against the large glass window, the side of his face illuminated through the moonlight. His streaks of tears glistening down his face.

She wasn't so sure anymore...



Okay P.S. I feel that this story has been I dunno on for a while now and with my phase of late updates it sort of stalled for a couple of months too. So I'm giving you guys a choice this time. I can either separate them and have Arnav repent or keep them together and make Arnav repent (either way he repents lol or well already has but we'll get into that later). Basically I'm stuck on this idea and I can't decide :/. And the second one I can speed it up and end it quickly or keep things at the same pace. So lemme know. 
So I'm passing the decision to you guys, majority wins ;) 
Silent readers as well your opinions count so let me know, I don't bite xxx

11 comments:

  1. awesome...so emotional...cant wait to kill that sham...waiting for the next ypdate ...thanks for the update







































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    Replies
    1. Lol I can't wait to kill Shyam either! :P But I'm sure Arshi will have their own way to do that ;). Thank you! :D xx

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  2. I fell in love with you and this ff and the way you write all over again!Actually had tears in ow eyes,especially reading Arnav's plight:(
    To be honest I would want this ff to never end:p
    But then I think about arnav and khushi,especially arnav and it hurts actually.He is surely repenting and suffering,and khushi too in her own way.I just want them together you know,face everything together especially that creep,no more sepration please.you know when this story was going through the phase where arnav was an total ass I that time I actually wished that arnav repents for alot more than khushi ,more than for 6 months but today I just don't have the heart to want him to suffer.
    :)

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    Replies
    1. Aww! Thank you! And you seriously don't know how much that means! I'd love to continue this forever :P but I don't think I could keep my thoughts going for that long so will probably last a bit less than forever :P. But won't end too soon? :)

      Yes Arnav is defo repenting and I'm glad that you guys are connecting with the fact that he is repenting (in fact there's a lot more to how much, you guys haven't seen the whole of it yet ;)). Okey doke your vote for no separation noted! P.S. a lot of people are voting for that.
      That was one of the reasons I started this FF, I dunno if you've read my note earlier where I mentioned that I started off the idea of this FF from the terrace scene and started writing it because Arnav was being a complete ass in the show :P. And now I've just bombarded this guy with grief ... eeks I feel a bit evil :P. So you don't want him to repent that much? ;) Hmmm... Interesting... and I will see what I can do ;)

      Thank you for your lovely comment and input! xx

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    2. haha,that could work just perfectly fine;)
      I just think I'm one of those huge crazy arnav fans who just don't/can't see him in pain:p
      Hehe

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    3. Lol oh dear I'm afraid I'll have to admit to being one of those too :P. I think the only time I was completely against Arnav was after that time he blamed Khushi for everything after Anjali tried to abort the child coz that annoyed me. But even then a few days later I was back to aw no please don't hurt poor Arnav again! :P

      With this fic though I am more unbiased and I think I've put equal amounts of pain on both sides. I'll try find a way for us crazy Arnav fans though :P xx

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  3. please reply to my post,as in your opinion it's the long one,kinda defending arnav:p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry ... Was just editing my blog template. I wasn't able to reply to people individually so was just fixing that :/. Erm the comment above right? ^ x

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  4. keep them together but he still has to repent for all the pain he put her through because they will need each other to keep there baby safe please kill snake awesome update very emotional

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kill snake? Lol Nahii then where will me tarka go? :P xx

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  5. Keep them together dear! They need the support and Arshia needs both her parents. At times when they are not able to get adjusted to each other the child does play a crucial role. Don't seperate them!

    ReplyDelete

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BeyondTheStars
I have too many stories in my head and sometimes I just need to put them out there for people to read. Fanfic writing was an idea that I hadn't considered at all until coming across some really good ones on India-Forums so my writing is an affect of too much IF trolling on lazy revision days. I get bored easily from studying (which I do too much of) and writing helps me relax. My life involves a whole load of drama so the twists and turns in my stories will show the effect of that. Anyway hope you enjoy the Arshi fanfics I send your way :).
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